Partner just put pets in danger

[TheFoundation]

How would you feel? We have a child-gate to separate our cat and dog. The dog is a terrier, and chases cats. We had a pet each when we met, and have used this solution for a long time with no issues. The cat is 21, and so, stays in mostly, but is taken for tours around the garden when the sun's out, and the dog is contained. We are all 4 usually very happy.

I just came back from walking the dog, fully expecting that the cat would be safely enclosed. My partner was expecting me at around that time. The dog went hurtling in through the door, as always... and the cat is wandering about, loose, in the hallway. I had to do a goalkeeper-like dive to stop the terrier getting at the cat, which would have been a very dangerous situation, given the fragility of the 21 year old cat. My partner said 'Oh, I left the gate open, I didn't realise the cat had even walked out', and did apologise, but...

I'm upset. The risk was enormous. My partner was so careless. An apology makes no difference, when my concern is the lack of awareness of risk.

Thanks guys. I've had a chat with my partner who was very apologetic and understood my point of view.

Nice to know how you'd all feel in the same situation as me. Seems you mostly think that agreed upon boundaries should be disregarded at will, and everyone should just 'get over it'. I'm sure that's great in your households, but it's not in ours, and my partner would have been equally pissed off if this had happened the other way around.

Thanks for all your posts.

@diddl

I'd also be pissed off though

Thank you for this acknowledgment on an otherwise unfriendly thread :)

Sorry you are so upset O.P, your partner was careless and, being a terrier, the dog could have done serious damage to your frail elderly cat. It was an agreed arrangement that the gate was always shut and your partner should have stuck to that.
Thankfully the cat is ok, and no harm done, but l expect it's shaken you. I would have felt the same. Obviously both of you will be on your guard from now on, and keep the dog under control until you know the cat is in its safe space, but l do understand your reaction.

Boundaries 😂

Why's that, then?

Your question was , how would you feel ? Well it’s pretty obvious you feel how you feel and you are not going to change your mind , so I don’t really see the point of your post . We always keep our gate closed so the dogs can’t get out , but one day it was not closed properly . Luckily the dogs did not get out , but these things do happen sometimes .

Cheers. @Seaoftroubles , it's nice that a few have got my drift!

What does this post mean?

@Sureaseggs44

Thanks for not seeing the point of my post. I don't see the point of yours, either, and am kind enough, like you, to point it out.

He shouldn’t have left the gate open and you shouldn’t have let the dog off until you knew it was all clear.

I completely understand why you’re so shook up but no one was hurt so it’s lesson learnt for next time.

Let it go now and just double check in future in case he drops the ball again.

I’d feel the same as you op . I’m sure it’s been a shock too .

I will hang my head in the light of your wise moral judgement.

My partner, meanwhile, totally got my point of view when we talked about it.

Not sure why you'd think I can't let go of things, or what that codswallop is about 'reflection of relationships', but it doesn't really matter.

Double check the gate is closed before you drop the dogs lead from now on
Both you and DP
With such an elderly cat, it could die of fright

He shouldn’t have left the gate open and you shouldn’t have let the dog off until you knew it was all clear

I'm really not sure why I'm not supposed to assume that DP will do what we agreed.

@Martamaybe Thank you. All sorted now.

What were you hoping for from posting, OP?

Your partner made a mistake - these things happen. Luckily no harm done.

That's the end of it surely?

This is what we agreed, in the end. Cat didn't even notice anything, which was a relief, because I'm sure you're right. She's such a dear little thing, and luckily, quite deaf, so she didn't hear us come in!

Yes. But, from memory, in that case it was a dog/cat that had happily lived in the home for many years and then the OP introduced a cat/dog who terrorised the original pet.

The OP couldn't see anyone else's viewpoint in that thread either.

This is a ridiculous comment.

Closing the gate.might be a house rule which was overlooked on this occasion but it's not boundary crossing.

Boundary crossing would he leaving it open deliberately because he thought it was a silly rule. Not making a genuine error and apologising for it!

Do you honestly never make a mistake? Forget to do something? Fully intend to do it and then have it just slip your mind? Even have a memory of doing it hecause you've done it so many times before only to realise you havent? Because, if not, you are very lucky and probably very rare.

What exactly do you expect to change now you’ve shared your frustration with Mumsnet? Will your partner be more careful now you’ve told everyone how irresponsible he has been? Do you feel better?

@Ilovelurchers

I was looking to find out how people would feel, and why, because I was incandescent and thought I might be being a bit unreasonable. Luckily I wasn't incandescent in a way that my partner could tell, and have calmed down and discussed it, now.

I'm really not sure why I'm not supposed to assume that DP will do what we agreed.

Because people, how ever well intentioned, aren't perfect. And, when it's something with such potentially serious consequences, it's a good idea to double check.

Thanks for your unpleasant post, @GreyCarpet Luckily, my partner was sweeter and kinder.

I make mistakes all the time.

Thank you for your very highly valued opinion of me.

You know best.

Cats can jump over gates, so the gate being closed is not a reliable indicator of whether or not it is safe to let the dog off the lead. Person in charge of the dog needs to check before letting them off the lead.