Partner just put pets in danger

[TheFoundation]

How would you feel? We have a child-gate to separate our cat and dog. The dog is a terrier, and chases cats. We had a pet each when we met, and have used this solution for a long time with no issues. The cat is 21, and so, stays in mostly, but is taken for tours around the garden when the sun's out, and the dog is contained. We are all 4 usually very happy.

I just came back from walking the dog, fully expecting that the cat would be safely enclosed. My partner was expecting me at around that time. The dog went hurtling in through the door, as always... and the cat is wandering about, loose, in the hallway. I had to do a goalkeeper-like dive to stop the terrier getting at the cat, which would have been a very dangerous situation, given the fragility of the 21 year old cat. My partner said 'Oh, I left the gate open, I didn't realise the cat had even walked out', and did apologise, but...

I'm upset. The risk was enormous. My partner was so careless. An apology makes no difference, when my concern is the lack of awareness of risk.

Give him some slack OP - as you said it has never happened before.

Step back for a moment and think of how he feels with a pet that is a danger to his pet.

You did really well to protect the animal given the circumstances and I am sure that he will not make this mistake again.

Whoever opens the gate is responsible for making sure it is closed again with the cat on the correct side of it.

Whoever comes in the door with the dog is responsible for holding the dog on a lead until they are sure the dog can be let loose.

You've chosen to live together, chosen to bring together two animals who cannot safely and peacefully cohabit - you are both responsible at all times for maintaining the safety and welfare of both.

Casting blame will not help anyone.

Step back for a moment and think of how he feels with a pet that is a danger to his pet

I would have though 'I mustn't forget to shut the gate' would be a high priority :)

I get that OP but no-one is perfect.

Not even you - you let the lead down before you were sure the cat was locked in.

Chalk it down to experience. You saved the day.

Your partner is a human being. He made a mistake. You considered him to be some kind of robot who would never forget. It could just as easily have been you who failed one day. Unless of course you are actually perfect and have never made a single mistake in your entire life.

Honestly OP you need to get a grip.

Your partner is human and made a mistake. Mistakes happen. People are forgetful. You say hes done it right 100s of times

Your partners probably agreeing with you because he has no other option, he's made one mistake and this is how you've acted. You refuse to back down or cut him any slack.

If the risk of your dog getting to the cat is that great then of course you need to check the cat isn't out before you let the dog off the lead. Something could have happened to your partner that meant they didn't shut the gate, the cat could have escaped etc. If the consequences are that dire then it's also your responsibility. You can't expect your partner to have shutting the gate as a high priority when you don't have checking the cat isn't out

I notice OP hasnt replied about how she would manage if her partner started getting things wrong/memory loss

She probably thinks this is something that doesnt happen to people. People make an agreement and they just do it, by rote, correctly, every single time.

But thats not how things work in real life.

Learn some humility and empathy OP, for your and your OH's sake.

I think you're being unfair on your partner here, yes there's an agreement in place but he's human and where humans are involved then things go wrong sometimes.
I don't think you were in the wrong dropping the lead like usual and expecting the cat to be away safe, but I do think you're making a really big deal out of it, probably because of the shock and adrenaline and the knowledge that your dog could have hurt the cat and the associated guilt that would come with that.
The cat is fine, the dog is fine, both humans are fine, humans forget things sometimes and yes, the cat was put in danger but having a go at your partner and creating an issue isn't going to change that. It has happened once, regularly would be different, but it's once.

Tell me you're autistic without telling me you're autistic 😁

Op, I can see ur feeling a bit defensive with the feedback, but in the nicest possiblest way, shit happens, and perhaps need to work on that bit before you have kids.

Now I'm not saying that to be nasty, or gang up or any of that. I'm staying it as a mum that's has had accidents... I've closed a door on my sons thumb...ive nearly thrown him over my shoulder.... I've pushed a pram with bags and it toppled back.... Really daft shit that I should have known better. I'm not a bad mum, I'm a bloody good one, but even the best have accidents.
Now had my DP blamed me, even momentarily for any of them, I'd have been miserable. Was it my fault? Yes probably. Did I mean to do it? Absolutely not. Would my dp have been in the right to have a dig? Erm tricky one, but yes probably but thankfully he recognised it was an accident and that he'd probably do daft shit too.

Morale is, don't beat yourself up, don't beat him up, be thankful for the outcome you got. Honestly, if you can go through life with just a couple of close scrapes, you've done well.

Now get yourselves cuddled up on the sofa with a scary film and the trick or treat remnants 😉

Does your partner care for the animals? If so, and he became aware of the near miss his oversight caused, then I would imagine if he has the wits he was born with, he'd fully understand he made an error and needed to take care in future without the need to be sat down by you for 'a conversation' about it.
It's understandable to be upset, but certainly not necessary to centre yourself as an injured party, allowing him to make 'profuse apologies' to you. If he cares for the animals I'm sure he feels bad already without you making a drama out of it with yourself in the lead role.

So he gets all blame for forgetting one gate but you forget to properly train a dog for years and you're faultless?

OP, I think there is no getting to you. You're absolutely right and your partner is completely in the wrong. You have spoken to him and he acknowledged this, apologised, promised he wouldn't do it again, saw it from your point of view, I don't see what are we contributing to here? To me the matter is resolved and you can clearly discuss this with your partner, come out with a solution! You asked for our opinion, we gave it to you, clearly you didn't like what the majority are saying.

You are being ridiculous. Nobody has said it's your fault the gate was left open.
But humans aren't infallible, we make mistakes. The sensible thing to protect against that would to also make sure you have full control of your dog (on the lead) when you come home until you're sure the gate is closed.

Even better - assuming you haven't already done so - is see if you can get them used to each other so there is no danger.

Your post is utterly ridiculous.

You are both at fault. But not purely for the fact you wrre both careless, him for leaving the gate open and you for not having control of the dog. In fact if anything you are more at fault for not having the dog under control.

The fact you have cohabited with the frankly ridiculous arrangements rather than train the pets properly is insane. And your BS about them being too old is farcical.

I have a 12 year old terrier and have recently rescued an elderly cat and a much younger cat. The dog has been trained to leave the cats alone and the cats are learning well at leaving the dog alone and not fighting with each other.

Stop being so pathetic and train your bloody animals. Who are you going to blame on the walks when the dog chases a radom cat given that it is so volatile?

Strangely I also have a dog and a cat who don’t get along and the cat is old and the dog is young, it is our joint responsibility to check each animal is as agreed and I would be pissed off if DP got home with the dog off lead before checking the stair gate was closed tbh. Animals are unpredictable it’s on both of you to keep them safe, jointly

you are very aggressive in every single response so it’s not a great leap that your partner is on the end of this aggression too, he’s apologised and you are proved correct to him what more do you want? Most people don’t agree with your logic and think you are being unreasonable to him. You just wanted to rant about him really, you don’t want advice. I still think you are wrong and if this is how you go about resolving conflict I feel sorry for your partner!

Glad you've recognised my superior moral judgement. Bravo OP.
This thread is all the evidence you need to highlight the fact that you can't let go of things.
I'm starting to think this is a wind up tbh.
Cod...is that you ?

To the OPs DP, dog and cat. Ltb.

Your oversight was assuming the mitigation you had in place was foolproof.

If the agreement is the gate is shut perhaps it's a joint responsibility to ensure that's done before you let the dog loose?

We're very happy together. This was one mishap. Your posts are starting to look silly. Desist.

Love the way you're all carrying on with how dreadful I am, and what fury I have, and how awful it must be for my partner. Meantime, we've had a chat and resolved the issue, I've been out shopping and got us a lovely dinner, and we're about to snuggle up with a film.

This place is a madhouse! Have a lovely evening, all.

Hopefully nothing involving cat eating Pit Bull Terriers.

You said an apology makes no difference in your opening post so what do you want your partner to do.

"@KezzaMucklowe To the OPs DP, dog and cat. Ltb".

Genius!