Partner just put pets in danger

[TheFoundation]

How would you feel? We have a child-gate to separate our cat and dog. The dog is a terrier, and chases cats. We had a pet each when we met, and have used this solution for a long time with no issues. The cat is 21, and so, stays in mostly, but is taken for tours around the garden when the sun's out, and the dog is contained. We are all 4 usually very happy.

I just came back from walking the dog, fully expecting that the cat would be safely enclosed. My partner was expecting me at around that time. The dog went hurtling in through the door, as always... and the cat is wandering about, loose, in the hallway. I had to do a goalkeeper-like dive to stop the terrier getting at the cat, which would have been a very dangerous situation, given the fragility of the 21 year old cat. My partner said 'Oh, I left the gate open, I didn't realise the cat had even walked out', and did apologise, but...

I'm upset. The risk was enormous. My partner was so careless. An apology makes no difference, when my concern is the lack of awareness of risk.

Well you asked how we’d feel. I’ve just told you. Chose to ignore which it sounds like you are.

Accidents happen OP. You say, yourself this normally works well, so move on?

Sorry but you are at least equally responsible if not more responsible for this than your partner.

You were in control (or supposed to be) at the time. It's your job to check the area is safe before letting the dog run free. Just like it's whoever's letting the dog out in the gardens job to check the gates closed and they can't escape type of thing.
Anything could have happened whilst you were gone. The gate fallen, the latch broken, or as happened someone left the gate open.
It's therefore YOUR responsibility to check before releasing the dog.

You owe your partner an apology.

I honestly think, that if I walked in with the dog, and knew it would kill the cat, that I’d keep it on the lead until I knew the cat was secure. I think it’s on you.

I disagree with you op.

You do not release the hound(s) until you know the cat is safe

Yes your partner could have checked but at the time you were in charge of the dog and it was you that dropped the ball or should I say lead!

Do you double check all the safety measures in your house, in case your partner is careless, or do you trust your partner with safety matters?

There's some shit relationships going on from the people giving advice here. It seems that lack of trust is inbuilt, and we're all just meant to expect it.

This situation has happened 100 times. My partner knows I come in and the dog is loose. It's the same when I'm the one at home and they come in together. The dog is on one side of the gate, and the cat is on the other.

What would be the point of a safety gate, if people are all expected to sit looking at it all the time in case it gets left open by someone?

Ffs - when either of you come in from a walk with the dog - keep it on a lead until you know the cat is safe. It’s not hard 🙄

You sound very rigid OP.

People make mistakes, they forget things, they get things wrong.

You banging on about 'risk' in the way you phrase it, have you been reading too many 'safeguarding' posts on here or something. Busy households are sometimes a bit chaotic with people coming and going.

You should be able to command the dog to 'stop' when he is doing something he shouldnt but even so, sometimes Im sure there may be times when he might chase and the cat will no doubt turn round, if she cant run and give him a scratch on the nose and he'll know not to do that again. Thats what normally happens. Obviouslly worse case scenario she might get hurt

Just make sure the new rule is that when the dog comes in, he is to be on the lead until its clear where the cat is.

Do you know something, OP? Accidents happen. Oversights happen. Cognitive failures happen. People forget things. People make mistakes.

What do you want people to say?

You've had a shock. He's probably had a shock. Unless you think he's an arsehole who just doesn't care or did it deliberately. In which case, leave him.

💯 agree.

The shit relationship is yours if you can't even forgive your partner for a one off mistake when nothing bad even resulted from it.

Treat it as a learning experience, you now know that you need to keep the dog on lead until youve double checked the gate is shut.

I feel sorry for your partner if your this rigid about everything.

Just dump him then. Not sure what else you want from this thread. Bizarre!

Totally agree. The defection because people think the OP needs to accept her share of responsibility and being told everyone else must have a shit relationship!

Trust isn’t the issue here. It’s both parties responsibility to make sure the situation is correct. Every person on planet makes mistakes regardless of how much you trust them.

I agree with this actually. It is his fault for not closing the gate but if you have a dog who would attack a cat living under the same roof you shouldn’t let go of the lead without being certain the cat is in the right place. Leaving the gate open was a human error that anyone could make.

What happens if the colours and whites washing gets accidentally mixed or the dishwasher isn't loaded properly?

Fucking hell!!!

I dread to think

Oh dear god.
Op, seriously.
Read your comments back to yourself. Your DP made a mistake and apologised.
Most people would just move on, which would be reflection of their ability to let things go, not a reflection of their relationships - which was a bit of a cheap and childish dig tbh.

Deja vu. Wasn't there a recent thread about a similar issue and the OP wouldn't accept responsibility for her dog chasing the cat.

With serious safety measures, of course you should always check, especially when it could endanger a life.

And re. what you could do to reduce the risk, teach your dog an “emergency stop” command. I would argue all dogs should have a command like this taught anyway because you just never know when you might need it and it could be life saving.

Gosh OP you sound awful.

I can understand being cross with shock/in the heat of the moment, but surely on reflection you can see that it’s a mistake anyone could have made? No one is perfect. It’s a lesson for the future to check before dropping the lead - belt and braces and all that.

This sort of post is exactly why I love this forum!

Human error, OP. It happens. That’s why we have extra layers of security to minimise risk.

We wouldn’t need all sorts of safety measures if everyone behaved correctly at all times- but we’re human and make mistakes.

Belt and braces says, hang on to the lead until you know it’s safe to let go.

he’s apologised. Let it go.

and don’t have children.

It sounds like an accident that you need to forgive and forget. It's not like he put the cat in danger on purpose.

We all make mistakes. Fortunately the cat wasn’t harmed. Please get over it op.

I agree.

The cat will come off worse so it's obviously best to check that it is safe before letting the dog loose.

I'd also be pissed off though!