Partner just put pets in danger

[TheFoundation]

How would you feel? We have a child-gate to separate our cat and dog. The dog is a terrier, and chases cats. We had a pet each when we met, and have used this solution for a long time with no issues. The cat is 21, and so, stays in mostly, but is taken for tours around the garden when the sun's out, and the dog is contained. We are all 4 usually very happy.

I just came back from walking the dog, fully expecting that the cat would be safely enclosed. My partner was expecting me at around that time. The dog went hurtling in through the door, as always... and the cat is wandering about, loose, in the hallway. I had to do a goalkeeper-like dive to stop the terrier getting at the cat, which would have been a very dangerous situation, given the fragility of the 21 year old cat. My partner said 'Oh, I left the gate open, I didn't realise the cat had even walked out', and did apologise, but...

I'm upset. The risk was enormous. My partner was so careless. An apology makes no difference, when my concern is the lack of awareness of risk.

There was no point what-so-ever in your post. It was a ridiculous post to begin with, and you've made it even more ridiculous by not acknowledging anyone's views and instead you have only dismissed them and argued with nearly everyone here.

You have responded 59 times on this post, and nearly every response has been aggressive or passive aggressive in nature on your part.

I assume this is a troll post but if its not, you should seek help.

@JIMMI85

There was a point to it for me. You don't need it to have a point for you, do you? If so, why?

I've acknowledged and responded to lots of posts, and I'm not obliged to agree with people. I have agreed with some, and some have understood my point of view. Am I not allowed to disagree with people? Why?

'You should seek help' is a wonderful example of a passive aggressive criticism, so your accusation of passive aggression looks like the pot calling the kettle black.

If you assume that someone is trolling, it's against MN guidelines to accuse them. The right thing to do is to report them.

Your post made no mention of the topic, and was purely criticism. I wonder why people feel the need to do that. This thread is fascinating now, in that it's just become a bunch of people saying 'You're wrong! You've got problems! You need help!' etc, and then trying to tell me I'm even more wrong to respond. I wonder why it's satisfying or fulfilling for people to do that, and whether those telling me to 'look at myself' have actually looked at themselves, and their reasons for feeling they need to do that.

@EvenMoreFuriousVexation

But you're not me, and I'm not having mental health issues, due to the thread or otherwise. You're right, the thread has gone weird, but because people are telling me what I should do, now, with nothing to do with the original issue. It's all very strange, including your post!

You clearly want everyone to say you were right and he was wrong but life isn't like that.
Yes, the cat should have been in. It wasn't. There could be various very good reasons for that.

So you need to adapt your process when getting in with the dog and make sure it is under control until you establish where the cat is. Not finger pointing and getting in a strop because what shold have been.

@Brefugee

Not finger pointing and getting in a strop because what shold have been

Nobody did this. I felt angry, then talked to my partner when I'd calmed down. RTFT!

Six of one and half a dozen of the other and I can't say I really care anyway.

I did RTFT thanks. Which is how i know you have thrown your toys out of the pram.

Surely the award goes to OP for angriest most argumentative person in the world!!!! Jjeeess calm down - you dont need to respond to every post so aggressively!

👏👏

I've been perfectly calm since about 2 hours after the thing happened, about 3 days ago. I'm really not sure why everybody is telling me I'm angry, especially in posts after that. I guess an angry tone can be read into anything, but that would be an interpretation error. Lots of others seem angry on the thread too, but it seems I'm to be the paragon of peacefulness, in amongst a bunch of angry people telling me how to live my life, with little regard to the subject of the thread.

Can you tell me, @Excitedannie , why you felt the need to tell a complete stranger to pipe down, on their own thread? I'm genuinely curious about this. And so many '!!!!!'s, and 'Jeeeez!', it sounds like you feel really strongly. Is that me misinterpreting your tone, as you and others have mine, or do you generally feel strongly that I need to deal with my anger better? Why would you think yourself to be in a position to direct someone on how to post on their own thread?

Which is how i know you have thrown your toys out of the pram

Why do you think this, @Brefugee ? Because I didn't agree with some of the posts?

@Brefugee

I did RTFT thanks

If you had, you'd be referring to my partner differently, so, clearly not :)

Haha see what I mean!

Yes 😂

I'm asking you a question, Annie, not speaking aggressively to you. But I can see what you mean, because you are demonstrating to me that as I sit here calmly typing and asking questions, people can decide that I sound angry to them, and that has no bearing on whether I'm angry or not.

Interpretation is fascinating.

your replies have been totally agressive to everyone who hasn't agreed with you
Toys out of the pram.

But you do you.

She doesn't listen - always right. Must be an absolute joy to live with!!

Right - Friday night - wine time!

You're coming across a right idiot imho. 50/50 deal with it, accept any apologies and move on. Work s new system to ensure safety.

OP: AIBU
99% of People: Yes
OP: No I'm not, stamps foot.

I didn't say AIBU. I asked 'How would you feel?'

Then I was told how I should feel, by a load of people who think they know best, and then was expected to smile and nod when they told me how wrong I was.

What was the point of your post, @wombat1a ? Whose benefit was it for? Given that, as many, and yourself, are pointing out, I'm simply not accepting any criticism from people who don't know anything about me, what was the point?

I'm guessing it made you feel good to criticise someone? Or was it for me? Or was it for the other posters? I'd really like someone to answer this question straight, because, as far as I'm aware, issuing unsolicited personal criticism in a conversation you've played no other part in is a dick move that reveals a tiny ego with something to prove, and many of you have done it. Do you teach your kids that it's a good thing to do, and that, if someone does it to them, they should simply accept it? I'd really love to understand. Fully expecting the posts now, to say how angry I still am, when I'm actually asking questions to try to understand.

Genuinely: what's in it for you to simply say 'OP's an idiot who doesn't listen'?

I'll tell you @TheFoundation

You posted on a forum asking us how we'd feel. We told you - 99% of us would feel the same. So rather than you saying "yep, hands up - I was unreasonable - I can see that now - I'll go and apologise to DP and learn from it", what you have actually done is argue the toss with practically everyone. This thread could have been done in 20 posts and 20 mins.

I'm was a psychologist in a past life so I'm happy to go into further detail but I suspect it will be lost. And you'll argue.

The end.

@Excitedannie

I wasn't asking to be corrected or advised. That's the mistake you all made. You feel your way, I'll feel mine, but I don't accept people trying to tell me how to feel, or what I'm 'supposed' to feel.

I was wondering if my feeling was unusual, and it clearly is. But why do people think that gives them the right to judge, criticise and insult, and tell a person to shut up, and close a thread they opened themselves? Why do people involve themselves, as you're doing, in something that's long finished, with the outcome that they themselves are advising?

You didn't actually answer the question I asked in my post above, which is

Genuinely: what's in it for you to simply say 'OP's an idiot who doesn't listen

... you simply repeated the criticism. What was in it for you? Why do that? And why repeat it? I totally get that we felt differently about what happened, and I think it's ok for people to feel differently. Don't you? Are you hoping for me to say 'You're right'? Why? Is it your ego?

What I don't understand is the need to keep on criticising someone when they've done exactly what you think they should have, which, in this case, was to accept a mistake, deal with your own feelings without upsetting the other person, and work out how to prevent a repeat of the same problem?

So rather than you saying "yep, hands up - I was unreasonable - I can see that now - I'll go and apologise to DP and learn from it

Also, I wasn't unreasonable to my partner and I didn't do or say anything that I need to apologise for. Perhaps you're all thinking that I launched at my partner with a tirade of my rightness? It wasn't the case. We just had a chat.

If you didn't want any advice, what was your reason for posting?