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Original poster

Slept with my friend arghh!

167 replies

Holibobby · 30/10/2023 14:56

In work I have a really great close group of friends, we do lots together outside of work and have our lunch together in work etc. At the weekend we were out celebrating friends birthday, and after a few drinks most friends went home but I wanted to stay out dancing and partying (i rarely go out these days). One of my friends stayed out too so ended up being just the two of us.

We went to a nightclub - lots of cheesy pop songs and dancing it was a really lighthearted & fun. Then when we were dancing and he pulled me close and kissed me which took me by surprise hugely! I've always suspected he was gay but turns out he is defintley not!

Then we ended up back at his house and slept together 🙃Which has never ever crossed my mind, never seen him in that way at all as we're just good friends. I thought I would regret it the next day after sobering up but I didn't!

We were lying in bed talking and he said are you dating anyone at the mo and I said no and he said would you consider dating me and i said no and laughed. Because he's quite a jokey person I wasent sure if it was serious or not. The thing is he's so much younger than I am (34) he's 25! I have a child, and i've never seen him in that way at all.

I told my friend and she said one of our other friends (before any of this happened - early on in the night) said is there something going on between us two. Which I never would have thought that we're just good friends.

He also jokingly said please dont fall madly in love with me now which obviosly he was joking about and he said we shouldnt act awkward next time we see each other in work (sometime this week as we also work from home).

It felt like we were in a relationship as he was constantly hugging and kissing me and when we were watching tv the next day I kept find him looking at me differently I guess.

I did think i would walk away and laugh it off especially as I have not been into dating for a little while now as I enjoy being on my own, but I dont even no what to think/say/do etc haha.

Any advice/input would be geeatly appreciated :)

OP posts:
TotalOverhaul · 30/10/2023 15:19

Well, would you consider dating him, on reflection? Or would you like a FWB when you are not around dc?

Original poster
Holibobby · 30/10/2023 15:29

I've never considered it and was taken back when he mentioned it. But on reflection, maybe, I'm just a little confused as I can't get it out of my head! Which after it happened I thought we would put it down to drinking and laugh it off. I guess our lives couldnt be any more different, and maybe I should stop over thinking. I'm just waiting to see what its like this week face to face in work. I'm not sure whether I should mention something over message or speak in person, I'm just very confused as you can probably tell! But also strangley giddy about it😁

OP posts:
Original poster
Holibobby · 30/10/2023 21:03

Bumping for traffic :)

OP posts:
changedname1979 · 30/10/2023 21:18

From reading that, I feel that you might possibly be romantically interested but you feel you shouldn’t be so are making excuses in your own head?

my main concern would be getting more involved with a colleague, if things went wrong do you have the option to distance yourself at work?

Original poster
Holibobby · 30/10/2023 21:20

@changedname1979 We're not strictly work colleagues, we're both doing a PhD at the same uni and we work on some temporary projects together, so will only be short term.

OP posts:
Dery · 30/10/2023 22:42

My DH and I met at work and worked at the same company for several years. I know lots of couples who met at work. So I don’t think that should stop you. Sounds like you quite like the idea of giving this a whirl. Why not go for it? I do think the ball’s in your court on this since he floated the idea and you brushed him off.

Butterbeen · 30/10/2023 22:45

Age is ok, just wanna know if he was serious or wanting an fwb

Original poster
Holibobby · 30/10/2023 23:16

I Messaged him tonight and said I just want to ask about the other night and his first few messages were like …I’m so glad you asked I’m in that 2 day hangover anxiety space and wanted to know also. Then he said he doesn’t want to put any pressure on me either way and he doesn’t want to affect our friendship / work life. But then in the last message like 20mins late he sent a huge message saying that he wasent looking to actively date at the moment as his life is extremely busy and he said I’m going to be honest that is the only reason he hasent dated anyone in a long time.

which is exactly the reason why I have been single for so long, juggling so much at the minute and wasent looking to date anybody not even in that frame of mind. But after sleeping together I guess sometimes it throws everything off.

He said maybe we could spend some time together and see but it would be very casual. Which I guess means friends with benefits?

OP posts:
vernatheraven · 31/10/2023 00:01

I dont get that vibe I think he's being very honest with you that it sounds like he likes you also.

But also giving you an out of needed so you can remain friends with no issues if not.

BoothsChristmasBook · 31/10/2023 00:13

"He also jokingly said please dont fall madly in love with me"

And

"he sent a huge message saying that he wasent looking to actively date at the moment"

Listen to what he's saying in between all the joking around. He's telling you that he'll sleep with you on his terms but has no interest in anything more with you. Time to knock it on the head before you get hurt.

Tilllly · 31/10/2023 00:14

BoothsChristmasBook · 31/10/2023 00:13

"He also jokingly said please dont fall madly in love with me"

And

"he sent a huge message saying that he wasent looking to actively date at the moment"

Listen to what he's saying in between all the joking around. He's telling you that he'll sleep with you on his terms but has no interest in anything more with you. Time to knock it on the head before you get hurt.

I agree

Don't give him any more headspace

File it under tipsy fling, smile and move on

Ladyj84 · 31/10/2023 00:21

My best friend of 15 years is now my husband and yes I never once looked at him in any way other than friend but when I found out from someone that the reason he had never been in a proper relationship or kids was because he had lived me for years I looked at him differently and yes we now are married with 4 kids and I have never been happier and neither did I expect this outcome either lol.

Pinkpinkpink15 · 31/10/2023 00:25

@Holibobby

Going back a bit... what made you think he was gay?

maybe he is & doesn't want to be,or is bi?

Bobbotgegrinch · 31/10/2023 01:10

BoothsChristmasBook · 31/10/2023 00:13

"He also jokingly said please dont fall madly in love with me"

And

"he sent a huge message saying that he wasent looking to actively date at the moment"

Listen to what he's saying in between all the joking around. He's telling you that he'll sleep with you on his terms but has no interest in anything more with you. Time to knock it on the head before you get hurt.

See, I got the opposite from it, that he is really interested but doesn't want to fuck up a friendship so is trying to appear not too bothered.

StrawberryRainbows · 31/10/2023 02:03

I'm seeing as him saying the opposite as to not appear keen, since he already asked you if you would consider dating him and you said no.

LifesADance · 31/10/2023 02:57

Hes telling your that he’ll happily sleep with you but doesn’t want to be in a relationship with you. I don’t think people telling you he’s keen are being kind.

If you want a FWB, go for it. If you’re looking for something else, he’ll waste your time. He’ll be too busy for a relationship until the right person comes along.

WalkedInJustToWalkOut · 31/10/2023 03:05

He’s messing with your head so that you accept a FWB situation. You’re meant to believe that he really likes you and if he had time, he would date you. But, alas, all he has time for is FWB and you’re so lucky that he can fit that in with his busy schedule. He wouldn’t do it for just anyone you know. He’s really putting himself out here.

Dickhead. 🙄

PaperSn0wAGhOst · 31/10/2023 03:35

If you both don’t want a relationship and you are having a good time just enjoy it. Don’t overthink it. I don’t get the vibe he’s a dickhead. He’s just young!
See him again and have some fun.

Cardsonthetable · 31/10/2023 03:43

StrawberryRainbows · 31/10/2023 02:03

I'm seeing as him saying the opposite as to not appear keen, since he already asked you if you would consider dating him and you said no.

I agree with this. I think you need to take some time to think about whether you actually want to date this guy. I would back off a bit and really think things through, then be honest with him about what you want.

LizHoney · 31/10/2023 04:40

PaperSn0wAGhOst · 31/10/2023 03:35

If you both don’t want a relationship and you are having a good time just enjoy it. Don’t overthink it. I don’t get the vibe he’s a dickhead. He’s just young!
See him again and have some fun.

Agree with this! Just keep being honest with each other.

Autiebibliophile · 31/10/2023 05:34

I think he really likes you but you turned him down on the dating front so now he's trying to appear casual.

If you look at it from the other side he kissed you which was a big gamble. Then he asked you if you would consider dating and you laughed and said no.

parietal · 31/10/2023 06:19

Sounds to me like he is interested but neither of you really know what you want. Take things slowly and see where it leads.

Original poster
Holibobby · 31/10/2023 07:11

so The messaging has continued. He said he would be happy if something could happen again but he wants us to both be really open with each other and be really honest. I asked what he meant by that and he said ‘just communicate how we are feeling and don’t be afraid to talk about it’ then he said
‘It’s just a decision no need to rush it we can think about it’ and then he said he is a massive overthinker so will continue to overthink everything.

He then said ‘hopefully we are both a bit more at ease we both know we are happy whatever happens’ then he said thank you for messaging to ask because he wouldn’t have been brave enough but had wanted to all day. Then he asked if I want to meet up in uni today for lunch.

OP posts:
Aikko · 31/10/2023 08:15

It looks like he wants a FWB type situation with you.

gannett · 31/10/2023 08:37

Holibobby · 31/10/2023 07:11

so The messaging has continued. He said he would be happy if something could happen again but he wants us to both be really open with each other and be really honest. I asked what he meant by that and he said ‘just communicate how we are feeling and don’t be afraid to talk about it’ then he said
‘It’s just a decision no need to rush it we can think about it’ and then he said he is a massive overthinker so will continue to overthink everything.

He then said ‘hopefully we are both a bit more at ease we both know we are happy whatever happens’ then he said thank you for messaging to ask because he wouldn’t have been brave enough but had wanted to all day. Then he asked if I want to meet up in uni today for lunch.

And what did you say?

From the outside it looks like neither of you are communicating properly and are spending more time second-guessing the other than figuring out what you actually want.

I'd guess he's interested but backtracked when you gave him the brush-off.

None of your posts even on an anonymous MN thread indicate whether you're interested so I can only imagine how confusing your messages to him are.