Slept with my friend arghh!

[Holibobby]

In work I have a really great close group of friends, we do lots together outside of work and have our lunch together in work etc. At the weekend we were out celebrating friends birthday, and after a few drinks most friends went home but I wanted to stay out dancing and partying (i rarely go out these days). One of my friends stayed out too so ended up being just the two of us.

We went to a nightclub - lots of cheesy pop songs and dancing it was a really lighthearted & fun. Then when we were dancing and he pulled me close and kissed me which took me by surprise hugely! I've always suspected he was gay but turns out he is defintley not!

Then we ended up back at his house and slept together 🙃Which has never ever crossed my mind, never seen him in that way at all as we're just good friends. I thought I would regret it the next day after sobering up but I didn't!

We were lying in bed talking and he said are you dating anyone at the mo and I said no and he said would you consider dating me and i said no and laughed. Because he's quite a jokey person I wasent sure if it was serious or not. The thing is he's so much younger than I am (34) he's 25! I have a child, and i've never seen him in that way at all.

I told my friend and she said one of our other friends (before any of this happened - early on in the night) said is there something going on between us two. Which I never would have thought that we're just good friends.

He also jokingly said please dont fall madly in love with me now which obviosly he was joking about and he said we shouldnt act awkward next time we see each other in work (sometime this week as we also work from home).

It felt like we were in a relationship as he was constantly hugging and kissing me and when we were watching tv the next day I kept find him looking at me differently I guess.

I did think i would walk away and laugh it off especially as I have not been into dating for a little while now as I enjoy being on my own, but I dont even no what to think/say/do etc haha.

Any advice/input would be geeatly appreciated :)

@StrawberryRainbows Thank you for Asking for follow up 😊

@Holibobby tbh I have no idea how to read that but good luck with your texting tonight! I’m not very good at giving dating advice because I’m autistic and do things a very different way to most people, but instead of digging maybe send something noncommittal and then distract yourself while waiting to see if he responds or not? Let him come to you.

@CeciledeVolangesdeNouveau i don’t understand what a non-committal message would be?

Sorry, I meant something sort of cheerful and carefree which doesn’t demand a response, so if you don’t get a reply you don’t stress, but he will feel there’s an opening for him to reply if he wants to chat without being awkward? Like “I did xyz this week, hope you’re doing well” (that’s a pathetic effort from me but I’m sure you could improve).

Well he's consistent in his inconsistency isn't he?

Hot and cold, very keen then quiet. Stuff is getting to him? Isn't he in the first few weeks of a romance, when everything is exciting and fun?

Seriously, this is what he showed you after the first time you had sex. Sorry OP but I don't think he's as lovely and into you as some others on this thread.

yeah I suppose it was alright’ haha.

God that's a bit mean. I think he'll string you along.
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Yeah...I think you need to raise your standards and expectations OP.

Well when he said that he put a couple of emojis after it and he’s very jokey person so I’m hoping he’s joking

He's just not making it easy.

Please sleep with me. Would you date me? Don't get attached though. Want to go on a date? I've got a lot going on though so can't talk. I've got the cold so don't want to talk.

Truly, the fairytale.

Omg. You realise all this could be avoided by having a simple conversation.

Hey friend, what's going on between us? I feel like I'm getting mixed messages from you. What is it that you actually want to happen between us?

It's not that hard. Just talk to him next time you see him. Clarify what he wants. Decide if you want the same thing.

When he said ‘would you consider dating me’ it was a bit crushing to say no and laugh, especially after sex. Ouch!

That said, this won’t work out. Not only is he a colleague, and there’s a nine year age difference, the age gap is the wrong way around. If you date him and fall for him he’ll end up going off with someone younger to start a family of his own so unless you guys are total soulmates I’d say nip this in the bud now.

Ahh I’ve just sent him a message asking what he thinks about the situation

And at first he said - it depends what we want the situation to be, he said he is relaxed about it. He said would I prefer talking in person, I think that’s probably best way

It's always better to speak in person if you can. Just be straightforward with him about what you want and how you're feeling. E.g. I like you and I'd like to see how this goes, but it feels like you give me mixed messages about what you want and I need a bit more clarity and communication.

Playing things by ear only works if you're constantly communicating about what's going on between you.

@taylorswift1989 Thank you - yes I’m going to speak in person, I sometimes shut down in person that’s why I prefer messaging…but just need to put my big girl pants on and tell him what I want in person

Sounds like the best plan. Hopefully it makes everything clear.

If you come away from the conversation feeling just as or even more confused, then that's a huge red flag. Don't hang around for months of getting your head battered by this man.

And remember - you weren't even interested in him two weeks ago!

Don't let him turn your head so completely you start begging for 'where is this going' conversations within the first two weeks...