Slept with my friend arghh!

[Holibobby]

In work I have a really great close group of friends, we do lots together outside of work and have our lunch together in work etc. At the weekend we were out celebrating friends birthday, and after a few drinks most friends went home but I wanted to stay out dancing and partying (i rarely go out these days). One of my friends stayed out too so ended up being just the two of us.

We went to a nightclub - lots of cheesy pop songs and dancing it was a really lighthearted & fun. Then when we were dancing and he pulled me close and kissed me which took me by surprise hugely! I've always suspected he was gay but turns out he is defintley not!

Then we ended up back at his house and slept together 🙃Which has never ever crossed my mind, never seen him in that way at all as we're just good friends. I thought I would regret it the next day after sobering up but I didn't!

We were lying in bed talking and he said are you dating anyone at the mo and I said no and he said would you consider dating me and i said no and laughed. Because he's quite a jokey person I wasent sure if it was serious or not. The thing is he's so much younger than I am (34) he's 25! I have a child, and i've never seen him in that way at all.

I told my friend and she said one of our other friends (before any of this happened - early on in the night) said is there something going on between us two. Which I never would have thought that we're just good friends.

He also jokingly said please dont fall madly in love with me now which obviosly he was joking about and he said we shouldnt act awkward next time we see each other in work (sometime this week as we also work from home).

It felt like we were in a relationship as he was constantly hugging and kissing me and when we were watching tv the next day I kept find him looking at me differently I guess.

I did think i would walk away and laugh it off especially as I have not been into dating for a little while now as I enjoy being on my own, but I dont even no what to think/say/do etc haha.

Any advice/input would be geeatly appreciated :)

Before saying yes to the fanny gallops, what happens to your work and PhD if things go sour with him?

If I'm to be completely honest there are 2 things:

1. I think that 'I'm too busy to date/ see you' will pop out again before long. He was quick with it before which would suggest that he isn't that keen to make explore things with you whether that's long term serious or casual ongoing. No reflection on you but that's how I would read it. At face value.

2. if you're not accustomed to casual sex I would not recommend starting with a colleague who you can't really get away from if you're on the same PHD course.

I don't mean to be harsh but you sound quite excited about the potential here vs his responses which are very much keeping you at arms length despite being a bit piqued at the potential of new sex and company.

Sorry but I would personally leave this one alone and gently back away into just being friends. Fine to have a little flirt at with this chap but I would look for sex/ dating elsewhere.

@RantyAnty our PhDs are separate departments we’re just friends due to another position we both hold at the uni. And all our friends are friends which could potentially cause issues.

I am quite excited and the reason is it seems fun compared to mundane every day routine. He has also completely took me by surprise and flirty messages have been fun. I’m just enjoying the ride, I am massively overthinking but he said he is also.

He said initially he is busy every week night but today he said he will be free to see me in the week if I was free

And this is why you shouldn't.

Is your position at the university and PhD more important than a fling?

*we’re just friends due to another position we both hold at the uni. And all our friends are friends which could potentially cause issues.

I'd say he likes you and wants more, but is now pretending to be a bit casual because as you said in your first post...

he said would you consider dating me and i said no and laughed.

BoothsChristmasBook

is spot on
keep shagging him by all means
but anything serious ? He’s laid it out pretty clearly

Maybe he does just want casual I guess the more time we spend together the more I can work it out.

He messaged earlier saying what did I fancy when we meet up - I’ve not had chance to reply so hes just messaged again and said he’s going to surprise me with where we’re going / what we’re doing - which does sound a tiny bit romancey (if I do say so myself haha) but again I could be reading too much into it

And tonight he’s also said that Monday (when we’re meeting up) is so far away.

I agree with some others in that he's not interested in a relationship, but just wants sex and a casual bit of fun, without the fall out.

You don't seem like you want a relationship really either, and you have children already to consider, if you were to choose a partner. Would he be a suitable step father figure in future? Can you see him that sort of person?
Fwb always end up too complicated and someone always ends up hurt.
I wouldn't bother sleeping with him again on a casual basis because you work with him. It could get messy really quickly.

For someone you hadn't looked twice at until 24 hours ago, you are really in deep here already!

“I'd say he likes you and wants more, but is now pretending to be a bit casual because as you said in your first post...

he said would you consider dating me and i said no and laughed.”

This. But look, it sounds like you have something lined up for the weekend. Have fun!

It sounds very exciting and great fun - enjoy!

Ok I’m going to update. So last night he said he wanted to take me out so we went to a really fancy restaurant which was all candle lit was really nice. He dressed up (which he never does he’s a really casual guy). Then we went back to his and he didn’t let me go - not sexually (that was later haha) but he just had hold of me whole time, hands, kept kissing me on forehead. He said our mutual friend asked if we were now serious but he didn’t say anything and I didn’t probe him. He’s also asked if I’ve told people at work about us and I said no and he said it’s ok they will find out in their own time.

im thinking this is More than casual?

This is reading more than casual OP. Is this what you want? If not nip it in the bud.

No, this is a man who wants a lot more than casual and is trying to work out whether you want the same while also desperately trying not to scare you off.

You have control here. If you want more, tell him, or if not, break it off now.

Either way, put the poor bloke out of his misery.

Sounds like he is super confused, OP! Which is fine IME unless you end up getting attached due to his mixed signals...

Definitely romancy! He is pulling out all the stops. If men like you they show you. He is showing you.

im thinking this is More than casual?

This is all so unnecessary. Just talk to him! Ask him. Tell him how you feel. Talk about it, and then you won't have to ask strangers on the internet. We don't fucking know!

Sweet.

I want to say, "I told you so"

@StBrides told you so to what?

I've been reading the posts, I actually think he really likes you! He's trying to win you over on your terms.

What's the problem! Just enjoy the moment! Who knows where it'll go!

Because I said he was really into you

@Holibobby any updates hun? I'm waayyy too invested in this love story right now ☺️

@StrawberryRainbows Yeah I’m still unsure what he’s thinking etc but after ‘the date’ on Monday he went a little quiet on Tuesday - but he is also quite ill with cold/flu at the minute. He messaged my best friend (our mutual friend) last night and said ‘do you and partners name both know’ and she said yeah and he sent a heart. He’s been quite quiet with me but again he has been Ill.

He said lots of things were getting to him yesterday so I might message tonight and dig a little bit. I’m still super confused but trying to just take it all a step at a time and not overthink it (even though that does drive me a little crazy 😁)

I text him on tuesday and said I had a good nihth with him and he said ‘yeah I suppose it was alright’ haha.