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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Slept with my friend arghh!

167 replies

Holibobby · 30/10/2023 14:56

In work I have a really great close group of friends, we do lots together outside of work and have our lunch together in work etc. At the weekend we were out celebrating friends birthday, and after a few drinks most friends went home but I wanted to stay out dancing and partying (i rarely go out these days). One of my friends stayed out too so ended up being just the two of us.

We went to a nightclub - lots of cheesy pop songs and dancing it was a really lighthearted & fun. Then when we were dancing and he pulled me close and kissed me which took me by surprise hugely! I've always suspected he was gay but turns out he is defintley not!

Then we ended up back at his house and slept together 🙃Which has never ever crossed my mind, never seen him in that way at all as we're just good friends. I thought I would regret it the next day after sobering up but I didn't!

We were lying in bed talking and he said are you dating anyone at the mo and I said no and he said would you consider dating me and i said no and laughed. Because he's quite a jokey person I wasent sure if it was serious or not. The thing is he's so much younger than I am (34) he's 25! I have a child, and i've never seen him in that way at all.

I told my friend and she said one of our other friends (before any of this happened - early on in the night) said is there something going on between us two. Which I never would have thought that we're just good friends.

He also jokingly said please dont fall madly in love with me now which obviosly he was joking about and he said we shouldnt act awkward next time we see each other in work (sometime this week as we also work from home).

It felt like we were in a relationship as he was constantly hugging and kissing me and when we were watching tv the next day I kept find him looking at me differently I guess.

I did think i would walk away and laugh it off especially as I have not been into dating for a little while now as I enjoy being on my own, but I dont even no what to think/say/do etc haha.

Any advice/input would be geeatly appreciated :)

OP posts:

WeighDownOnMe · 31/10/2023 10:34

Thinking about this a bit more.

I have a male friend with a similar age gap. We get on brilliantly but he is a handsy drunk and tbh that's thrown me off a few times and made me think things are there that are not.

Basically he shagged you when drunk and has now sent multiple 'I'm not really interested' texts now he's sober.

Don't let him do that shit to you. I would firmly leave it at one fun night.

CeciledeVolangesdeNouveau · 31/10/2023 10:35

@Holibobby that sounds like a really good approach! Best of luck :)

RudsyFarmer · 31/10/2023 10:37

This has heart break written all over it OP.

Alcemeg · 31/10/2023 10:39

I think you're right OP, just go with the flow and keep being honest with each other.

It sounds as though he is trying not to pressure you, given that you said "No!" ... which is quite nice.

Maybe his cuddly attachment style won't suit you, or maybe it's a match made in heaven. Only one way to find out, really!

I wouldn't overthink the age gap.

StarlightLady · 31/10/2023 10:50

Op, thank you for the update and have fun, fun, fun!

motherofawhirlwind · 31/10/2023 11:11

Bobbotgegrinch · 31/10/2023 01:10

See, I got the opposite from it, that he is really interested but doesn't want to fuck up a friendship so is trying to appear not too bothered.

Show quote history

Me too. The kissing and hugging the day after, plus "I don't want to put pressure you...." and then if you didn't reply for 20 mins a "oh but actually I'm not bothered" response is just him trying to look cool about it.

I'm with my best friend. 28 years!

Hibiscrubbed · 31/10/2023 11:19

CeciledeVolangesdeNouveau · 31/10/2023 09:57

@Hibiscrubbed what an odd thing to say.

Why was it? It was in response to the OP saying:

I've always suspected he was gay but turns out he is defintley not!

CeciledeVolangesdeNouveau · 31/10/2023 11:56

@Hibiscrubbed it just seems a strange reason to exclude someone as a partner, merely because you thought at one point they were gay. Particularly for an intoxicated man I would have thought it would be quite difficult to conceal physical attraction or lack thereof once you’re actually in bed with each other, so he’s probably not pretending or anything.

Original poster

Holibobby · 31/10/2023 12:22

ahhhh so I’m meeting him in 10mins for lunch. I said I’ve been locked out of a work space so I’m working from a new workspace and he said there’s no staff in his office so I could work from there with him if I want!! Ahhh

OP posts:

Beamur · 31/10/2023 13:19

No kissing in the office...

Original poster

Holibobby · 31/10/2023 13:21

@Beamur Hahahaah my career means far too much for all those shenanigans

OP posts:

Cosywintertime · 31/10/2023 13:28

Reads to me like he asked on the spur of rhe moment you answered in spur of the moment, you both went away and thought about it, and you thought yes and he thought no. You switched positions.

im not sure you do just want sex. So I’d think carefully op.

Acornsoup · 31/10/2023 15:08

How was lunch?

Original poster

Holibobby · 31/10/2023 19:27

Lunch felt super awkward! But then he invited me to his office space and I worked there this afternoon. Felt like there was quite a bit of subtle flirting then he asked if I was free at the weekend but I’m not. Then he invited me round to his mates house tonight for food 🤔 it was mostly work talk but every now and again he would say something. As soon as I left the office he messaged just sending videos and saying he was going home.

I can’t read his behaviour

OP posts:

Dery · 31/10/2023 19:49

What can’t you read, OP? Seems to me like he asked you out and has generally made clear he wants to see more of you!

CeciledeVolangesdeNouveau · 31/10/2023 20:04

I’m autistic and a few years ago just gave up trying to read people and started explaining what my feelings about situations were and more importantly asking other people what was going on if I couldn’t read them. It’s been surprisingly successful and saved me a lot of anxiety and others probably a lot of frustration! Would recommend if you can’t figure his agenda - at least you’ll hear how he wants you to perceive the situation even if you don’t get the whole truth.

Cardsonthetable · 31/10/2023 20:43

Holibobby · 31/10/2023 19:27

I can’t read his behaviour

I really don’t understand why you can’t read his behaviour. He’s obviously very keen on you.

Original poster

Holibobby · 31/10/2023 21:08

@Cardsonthetable i think because he says on text he’s too busy basically for a relationship but is didfeeent when I see him - like do you want to do this and that and see where things go etc. but then I suppose I’m very hard to read so maybe he’s just testing the water in different ways

OP posts:

Cardsonthetable · 31/10/2023 21:13

I think he’s afraid of putting his cards on the table and being rejected.

Beamur · 31/10/2023 21:38

He likes you.

Original poster

Holibobby · 31/10/2023 22:15

Im not even sure what to say / what not to say, just work as normal, bring things up I’m not sure

OP posts:

CeciledeVolangesdeNouveau · 31/10/2023 22:18

You could sort of lead him in to taking the lead if that makes any sense? Mention the lunch/ONS and follow him on what he says?

Myotherusernamewastakenagain · 31/10/2023 22:22

Cardsonthetable · 31/10/2023 21:13

I think he’s afraid of putting his cards on the table and being rejected.

Clear as day that this is it, he likes you a lot but doesn't want to push you away.

abouttobecomeagrandparent · 31/10/2023 22:30

He just wants a shag, not a relationship. Go for it if that's all you want

chopc · 31/10/2023 22:32

He is into you. Are you into him?
If so I would see how it goes

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