How often do you have sex?

[Lilclover]

So we were on a night out recently and one of the girls asked how often everyone’s been having sex with their husbands/partners as her and DH are going through a dry spell. I said DH (41) and I (27) have sex at least once a day bar the first 2/3 days of my period and usually we can go 2/3 times a day on the weekends

everyone was really shocked and said that was an insane amount. They were once a week max most of them. We’ve been married 2 years, together 5 and have a 5 month old baby. We used to be at it anywhere between 1-4 times a day before I was pregnant and even during the pregnancy we had sex right up until 4 hours before my waters broke.

genuinely just curious to know how often couples are having sex as i think I think it’s more than it actually is?

I think once or twice a week is the norm.

You must know that you have way more than average frequency, especially with a newborn baby!!

Great if you do but don't be shocked at others having less sex!

Had sex at 12.30. Went into labour by waters breaking at 4.30. Obviously didn’t have sex in labour ffs, that’s dangerous. Catch a grip.

Never thank goodness 😊

I've been married to DH for 28 years and am 47, in perimenopause and for 26 of those years we've had children (youngest DC is now 16). We may manage it once a week if we're lucky, twice a week if we're Very lucky, if not lucky at all it can be a month in between or more if DD is on holiday from school etc as she is just always around!
We both would like it to be more often tbh but energy levels and time alone don't match up with that.
Pre kids it was more like OP but by the time your baby gets gets to toddler stage (or you get sufficiently sleep deprived) you may find it isn't as easy.

Haven't had full sex for years. Not particularly fussed either.

We are both disabled, have a non sleeping teen in the house who requires a lot of care so not only is it logistically difficult but we are also too fucking tired.

Don't get me wrong, it hasn't always been like this but 20+ years later it's not important and it's never been something I have rated my relationship on anyway, it's much deeper.

I would be prepared for your super active sex life to take a major dip when your are early to mod 30s, what with him being such an older partner

NC for this
42(F)
Was with a guy that I really fancied even though he was a knob and not great in bed. We could easily have sex three times a day/night when we saw each other. It was literally just piv though, no foreplay, no arousal. It was just sex. He came, I didn't. There was no emotional attachment. It was easy to have sex with him whenever he wanted. It wasn't a stimulating experience in any way.

With DH it's different. Sex is not just piv it's a full on experience. Lots of foreplay, innuendo during the day through text messages, hugs and kisses during the day. Its a build up to sex. When we have sex it's not a quickie. I'm totally into it and enjoy every minute. We have an amazing connection, physically, emotionally and mentally. We probably have once a week more on holidays but we kiss and cuddle everyday snd we hold hands going to sleep every night .
So for me it's more quality than quantity. Anybody can bang away till the cows come home but I prefer something deeper.

Bloody Nora.
I don’t think i’be ever had sex more than once a day and even consecutive days is pretty rare.
there were long periods of none at all when I was pregnant and the children were small.

now the kids are older (8 and 10), I’d say not particularly often. I’d like to say on average once a week but it’s actually far less than that.

good for you though!

Nosy question but how did you manage to go from struggling to orgasm to getting there frequently? I am having the same issue and no idea how to get over it.

Oh dear...

It's a very personal story and I've told bits of it on here usually sharing far too much so apologies. But I do think it's important.

Stage 1 - always able to orgasm when masturbating but in a way a partner couldn't help with. Never orgasmed with someone else in the room even if masturbating. Tried vibrators, uncomfortable and not useful. Had sex therapy which was all about 'relaxing'. No good.

Stage 2 - huge life event (bereavement). Sex drive through the roof but no partner. Tried a vibrator again, this time a bullet (previous vibrators always advised by partner to get the most expensive and huge). Tried lube - gamechanger. And because off work and ds older, had time - like 90 minutes - to focus NOT on relaxing but on arousal. What did I actually like? Spent time on omgyes website - v helpful. Experimented by having a feel inside while masturbating (i normally dont) and spotted that I was holding back in a specific way. This gave me the knowledge to physically change the way I reacted. Bingo - orgasm in a way a partner could be involved with.

Essential accompaniment; psychotherapy. Not sex therapy but all about the way I do relationships (summary: incredibly needy and passive aggressive).

Stage 3: multiple casual partners, and by being extremely bossy and not caring about them, had much better sex and learned more about it. Eventually with a very nice man I only met once but who was willing to do what I said and keep doing it, I got there.

Hope thats some help [Head in hands]

Oh BTW I still use lube. Always. Even loving partners don't remember imo but I just get it out myself. I'm never having sex that doesn't work for me again.

Pretty much every day, there's probably one or two days a month we don't have time for it. We have 4 children and make effort to prioritise our relationship and intimacy. People with one child who say they don't have time for sex but want it just haven't actually tried!

Bloody hell. I’d be chaffing if I was having that much sex!
We do it a couple of times a week usually. That does me fine.

First 3 years, sex 1-3 times a day (we were 19 when we got together)
3-7years 1x daily
7-9 years 3x weekly
9+ 1x weekly since having dd, because frankly I'm knackered!

Because you came on here with your weird sex flex 😂

Once every 5 years

Me too. I’m not 16 anymore.

You thought it was normal?? Sure you did 🤣 I mean, weird flex but if that's how you get your rocks off.

Plus, you're 27! FFS, your life will be different when you have toddlers or teens!

We have 3 tweens/teens, trying getting horny with one of them in every corner of the house!

It sounds like you were looking for a piv orgasm? Did you never just go down the route of oral sex? I've always found orgasms that way to be much more intense. Cba these days with the faff of piv orgasms unless I use a bullet vibrator at the same time. I lost the ability to orgasm easily that way after childbirth ... maybe everything got a bit rearranged!

Hope you don't mind me asking, just curious

Don't live together, late 40s, together 18 months, at least once a day when together, usually two

In my 50’s , work 40-60hr weeks , go to the gym or run , walk dog , once or twice a week is all we’d have time for .

This.

Once a year is good enough for me. Better if we can stretch it out to 2 years.

Oh and since I started taking D Mannose no utis or other issues, as I am perimenopausal

Once or twice a week, but we’ve never had any sex that wasn’t really mind blowingly incredible. Not sure either of us could be arsed to put that much effort in every time if we did it more often.

Good for you. And I’m not being sarcastic.

I have a younger baby and our sex life has taken a massive hit. Maybe once a week now. We know it’ll be temporary though. Breastfeeding has made me feel particularly unsexy. But I just see our relationship as evolving and I love my husband ever more and have so much more respect for him, seeing how he parents.

But I must say I struggle seeing how you manage to do this. And that’s with a baby who sleeps 12 hours a night and naps well too! But when she sleeps, we make dinner and eat it 7-8. Do a clean 8-9. Catch up on life admin, ironing, mountain of laundry 9-10 or even later. Shower before bed to wash the baby sick etc from my hair. Then as soon as I sit down I fall asleep. I wake up at six, sometimes earlier, to get ready before my baby is up at 7. Nap times are spent cleaning bottle ls and sterilising etc. Out walking the pram to and from classes. Shopping. Taking clothes out the washer, drying them, putting them away, eating something quick myself. My baby gets through several outfit changes a day! My niece is a little older than your baby and still does. I have no time for the gym yet but I hope to start back when she’s a bit older - so there’s no time for me to do anything like that in my schedule.

I would genuinely love to see a rough breakdown of your day. I’m sure you’ll say you guys prioritise your sex life but I find it so hard to keep on top of having a clean house and taking my baby to classes etc without having sex several times a day.

BTW, I recognised your writing style and ages. You’re the poster who wrote about people being standoffish with younger wives right?