Page 10 | How often do you have sex?

Lilclover · 2023-10-28T21:41:01+00:00

So we were on a night out recently and one of the girls asked how often everyone’s been having sex with their husbands/partners as her and DH are going through a dry spell. I said DH (41) and I (27) have sex at least once a day bar the first 2/3 days of my period and usually we can go 2/3 times a day on the weekends everyone was really shocked and said that was an insane amount. They were once a week max most of them. We’ve been married 2 years, together 5 and have a 5 month old baby. We used to be at it anywhere between 1-4 times a day before I was pregnant and even during the pregnancy we had sex right up until 4 hours before my waters broke. genuinely just curious to know how often couples are having sex as i think I think it’s more than it actually is?

PeacefulPottering · 30/10/2023 23:12

This thread was silly from the outset 🙄

CallieQ · 31/10/2023 01:07

During COVID we were at it 12 hours a day some days, it was great.

😳

Shefliesonherownwings · 31/10/2023 04:14

You sound like a bit of a show off OP, with the every day sex, perfect husband, back to to pre pregnancy weight etc…

Also if the baby sleeps in your room and you go to bed at the same time as the baby, how does the baby not wake up during your nightly sex sessions? I have a 5 month old in my room and there’s no way he’s stay asleep even for a quickie and with us being as quiet as possible. Sounds quite implausible tbh.

RiderofRohan · 31/10/2023 04:35

financialcareerstuff · 30/10/2023 10:28

Right, so people who have plenty sex are mindless and don't have jobs, hobbies, ambitions, or personality beyond sex? Why on earth would you think that?

If anything it's likely the opposite, as high libidinal drive often cuts across multiple areas of life - there is essentially a lot of physical energy and desire to connect with people/experience in the person's system.

That has nothing to do with whether the OP is telling the truth of course, but you've expressed a prejudice against people who have lots of sex here, which I think is more about your own defensiveness.

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Nope, I'm specifically referring to the OP, though you've chosen to speculate and get offended. I don't believe you can be a productive person if you are having sex three times a day with a new baby.

JL690 · 31/10/2023 09:20

Anotherparkingthread · 30/10/2023 22:38

Haha wow 😳 I didn't expect so many replies I did think it was that strange.

Yes 12 hours of full on sex, I'm not including any laying around.

I don't know why you wouldn't if you didn't have any other commitments, there's nothing else as enjoyable (at least not that's free and good for you!).

So, I might give this a go at the weekend so I'll need some tips on how to stay the course. I guess it's not 12 hours of penetration only and I don't want to get jaw ache either, neither will my DP and we know men don't recharge as quickly as wed do, so tips on how we both recover quickly and stay in synch etc for 12 hours of full on sex will be most appreciated.

Megifer · 31/10/2023 09:55

"Yes 12 hours of full on sex, I'm not including any laying around."

Did ye, aye??

lalafox · 31/10/2023 10:42

Sex most days really, sometimes twice (morning before work) then when we go to bed. Then at the weekend definitely twice a day. Not on the first couple of days of my period. We both have high sex drives though. There are nights we crash into bed and both of us are too tired. Works for us

Onethingatatime23 · 31/10/2023 11:59

GardeningForever · 30/10/2023 12:39

I think it depends on where you're at when you're 48/52. If you've been together a long time, both work, have kids, the general pressures of everyday life, I think it's perfectly normal. I'm sure there are couples in long marriages who are still at it like rabbits but I should imagine they are the minority. Married couples tend to have a lot more holding them together than just sex. If you are single, recently divorced/split up, in a relatively new relationship then I'm sure you may want sex a lot more as it's a novelty/exciting.
The lady in her 70s sounds like she's having a lovely time. Good for her👍 but presumably she's not got many other pressures in life at that age and it's providing great entertainment. Completely different scenario.

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Also I think a lot of people at our age would be horrified at the thought of having another child when they are way beyond that stage which is unlikely but possible. I am still on contraception just in case, but until the possibility of conceiving has completely passed, knowing how easy it was to get pregnant before when we wanted to, I am sure that is a factor.

It's only in the last 50 years or so that we've had any control over this of course and if people didn't want kids later in life they had to stop having sexual intercourse.

For me I think the decline in sex drive is quite natural and nothing to worry about. I'd be very worried if I felt the same as I did about sex when I was 21, obviously my hormone levels are different. And when I did have a lot of sex when I was younger which I enjoyed very much at the time, I was always getting sore, getting thrush, having abnormal smears... Honestly cannot be bothered now. There are so many other things in life. And DH never had a massive sex drive anyway, we never had sex to begin with as often as I had with other boyfriends, so we are hardly likely to start being at it like rabbits later in life. What I liked was that our connection was so much more than that.

JIMMI85 · 31/10/2023 12:25

I think it very much depends on your sexual compatibility and like others have said there is no right or wrong amount ( within reason ) as long as you are both happy with it.

my GF and I will usually have sex a couple times a day/night when we stay with each other and rarely don’t have sex when we are together.

Last weekend we had sex 6 times in 12 hours haha.

personally, I couldn’t be in a relationship where sex was rare , I think it’s such an important part of a relationship

Ollifer · 31/10/2023 12:48

JIMMI85 · 31/10/2023 12:25

I think it very much depends on your sexual compatibility and like others have said there is no right or wrong amount ( within reason ) as long as you are both happy with it.

my GF and I will usually have sex a couple times a day/night when we stay with each other and rarely don’t have sex when we are together.

Last weekend we had sex 6 times in 12 hours haha.

personally, I couldn’t be in a relationship where sex was rare , I think it’s such an important part of a relationship

But that's a totally different situation 😂 so not really comparable, dating someone but not living with them it's normal to be at it like rabbits when you do see eachother, but when we are talking about a couple living together and doing it multiple times a day from 2 weeks post birth it's a different kettle of fish

Gettingbysomehow · 31/10/2023 12:52

Never. I'm asexual so I have never wanted sex. I was married and have one DS but am now divorced as I feel I can't just have sex for someone else and would prefer never to have sex again.
When you have no sexual desire having sex for the sake of it feels rather repulsive.

Tryingtokeepcalmandcarryon · 31/10/2023 13:10

I’m fascinated how it stays exciting and interesting when people are doing it so much, daily or twice daily for years, and also live together. Don’t you start thinking ‘same old same old’, the same as if you have too much of anything, doesn’t it just get repetitive?!!

The novelty would be wearing off once I’d done it the 8th time that week and I would want a bit of a break to build up the anticipation, and give my body a break!

Fawbs89 · 31/10/2023 13:36

Utter lies but a good laugh all the same 😄

Ollifer · 31/10/2023 13:38

Tryingtokeepcalmandcarryon · 31/10/2023 13:10

I’m fascinated how it stays exciting and interesting when people are doing it so much, daily or twice daily for years, and also live together. Don’t you start thinking ‘same old same old’, the same as if you have too much of anything, doesn’t it just get repetitive?!!

The novelty would be wearing off once I’d done it the 8th time that week and I would want a bit of a break to build up the anticipation, and give my body a break!

Yeah me too, maybe they have a position rota? To make sure it's not the same one more than once in a day?

Onethingatatime23 · 31/10/2023 14:24

Perhaps they have entire More position of the fortnight archive?

Mind you, I'll swear there were only about eight of them and they just rotated the image slightly for the others 😂

Joey87 · 31/10/2023 14:28

Onethingatatime23 · 31/10/2023 14:24

Perhaps they have entire More position of the fortnight archive?

Mind you, I'll swear there were only about eight of them and they just rotated the image slightly for the others 😂

I think the OP does too as she hasn’t replied for a while.

Crikeyalmighty · 31/10/2023 14:30

@Gettingbysomehow I'm still married but I totally get how you feel- I'm now61 but in all honesty post 48 I could totally give it a miss and I was never mega bothered before if I'm honest . I've never been a touchy feely person either so I guess this is just part of it. I'm sociable and good company and I like men, just not particularly sexual-

Cosywintertime · 31/10/2023 14:45

You really like to talk about your “sex life” op, don’t you?

financialcareerstuff · 31/10/2023 17:12

Tryingtokeepcalmandcarryon · 31/10/2023 13:10

I’m fascinated how it stays exciting and interesting when people are doing it so much, daily or twice daily for years, and also live together. Don’t you start thinking ‘same old same old’, the same as if you have too much of anything, doesn’t it just get repetitive?!!

The novelty would be wearing off once I’d done it the 8th time that week and I would want a bit of a break to build up the anticipation, and give my body a break!

I think this is largely a silly thread full of piffle, but I'll take a go at this, as someone who genuinely has sex quite a lot (I'd guess 10-12 times a week on average, sometimes three times in a day. We tend to have super intensive spurts when we're both feeling really horny (eg 8 times this Fri-Sun).... then pauses (eg once in last two days) to rest and reboot....

We both enjoy sex and have high drives, but yes there is a routine element in a few ways. There is a habit element- I guess most people's default in a long term relationship is 'no we won't have sex' then they need specific stimuli to turn that into a 'yes we will'. I feel we are the opposite of that. The default is more 'we will most likely have sex' morning and night, unless there is a reason not to (eg we are particularly tired or under time pressure). So it's a bit more like people who have a daily habit of going for a walk, kissing their partner good morning, or having a daily glass of cranberry juice.....whatever. You do it, because it's enjoyable and healthy, unless you are not in the mood - and we are normally in the mood! This default norm I feel is really healthy. It keeps us connected as a couple, it's the most regular exercise I get, it keeps me in touch with my own body, feeling desireable as the default, it freshens me up and just makes me feel I'm leading my full life, in touch with my physicality.

As it's a very very normal thing for us to do, there is definitely a feeling sometimes of repetitiveness. It's always connecting and enjoyable, and we are giving each other pleasure, and we also make a conscious effort to introduce new things, approach it freshly, just like everybody else does.... but there's no pressure that every single time needs to be eye-rollingly porn film kind of spontaneous and wild. Some times it's simply a calm, loving way to connect- equivalent to a long, romantic hug... other times it's more sexually focussed.

We do also have super charged sex, that breaks way beyond the routine if something has particularly stimulated us.... I'd say that's more about once or twice a week. Perhaps those are the times, when people who don't have the default to have sex, break through and do the deed!

I do think one's body trains itself,,, just like with exercise or healthy eating. The more you do it, the more switched on to that choice you become, and the more your body wants it......

Crushed23 · 31/10/2023 18:57

financialcareerstuff · 31/10/2023 17:12

I think this is largely a silly thread full of piffle, but I'll take a go at this, as someone who genuinely has sex quite a lot (I'd guess 10-12 times a week on average, sometimes three times in a day. We tend to have super intensive spurts when we're both feeling really horny (eg 8 times this Fri-Sun).... then pauses (eg once in last two days) to rest and reboot....

We both enjoy sex and have high drives, but yes there is a routine element in a few ways. There is a habit element- I guess most people's default in a long term relationship is 'no we won't have sex' then they need specific stimuli to turn that into a 'yes we will'. I feel we are the opposite of that. The default is more 'we will most likely have sex' morning and night, unless there is a reason not to (eg we are particularly tired or under time pressure). So it's a bit more like people who have a daily habit of going for a walk, kissing their partner good morning, or having a daily glass of cranberry juice.....whatever. You do it, because it's enjoyable and healthy, unless you are not in the mood - and we are normally in the mood! This default norm I feel is really healthy. It keeps us connected as a couple, it's the most regular exercise I get, it keeps me in touch with my own body, feeling desireable as the default, it freshens me up and just makes me feel I'm leading my full life, in touch with my physicality.

As it's a very very normal thing for us to do, there is definitely a feeling sometimes of repetitiveness. It's always connecting and enjoyable, and we are giving each other pleasure, and we also make a conscious effort to introduce new things, approach it freshly, just like everybody else does.... but there's no pressure that every single time needs to be eye-rollingly porn film kind of spontaneous and wild. Some times it's simply a calm, loving way to connect- equivalent to a long, romantic hug... other times it's more sexually focussed.

We do also have super charged sex, that breaks way beyond the routine if something has particularly stimulated us.... I'd say that's more about once or twice a week. Perhaps those are the times, when people who don't have the default to have sex, break through and do the deed!

I do think one's body trains itself,,, just like with exercise or healthy eating. The more you do it, the more switched on to that choice you become, and the more your body wants it......

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I hand-on-heart wish I was like you. I would love to have a high sex drive.

I like what you said about the body training itself - I wish I had just forced myself to do it more in my last relationship (which broke down because of my lack of sex drive).

Trinity69 · 31/10/2023 19:01

Not often enough. DP is 57, I’m 43. I have 2 SEN kids who don’t understand that doors need to be knocked on, we both work full time and are permanently exhausted.

35and3 · 31/10/2023 19:21

Once every 4-6 weeks have three kids including a one year old. Together 12 years.

financialcareerstuff · 31/10/2023 19:23

@Crushed23 really sorry to hear that.

But I would hate anything I said to lead you to think you should have forced yourself. I don't believe anyone should ever force themselves with this.

If we don't want it, we don't want it- period. And if it isn't pleasurable for you, then you shouldn't be doing it.

It is tough when sex drives don't match up, but the answer can't be forcing yourself.

If you baseline want it, and it's baseline pleasureable, then yes, I think there's a level of habit, body readiness etc that can help drive high regularity.

Tryingtokeepcalmandcarryon · 31/10/2023 20:44

financialcareerstuff · 31/10/2023 19:23

@Crushed23 really sorry to hear that.

But I would hate anything I said to lead you to think you should have forced yourself. I don't believe anyone should ever force themselves with this.

If we don't want it, we don't want it- period. And if it isn't pleasurable for you, then you shouldn't be doing it.

It is tough when sex drives don't match up, but the answer can't be forcing yourself.

If you baseline want it, and it's baseline pleasureable, then yes, I think there's a level of habit, body readiness etc that can help drive high regularity.

financialcareerstuff thanks so much for taking the time to reply to my previous post. I am genuinely really interested in how people keep and maintain this sort of sex life (god knows mine seriously needs work after many years together).

Would also love to have a high sex drive! I’ve always wondered how much I want to is down to individual drive vs circumstance vs lack of habit etc. Sounds like you and your OH have an amazing connection and you work hard to keep this strong and healthy and that is definitely something that I need to work on.

The only thing that would worry me a bit is risk of pregnancy doing the deed that many times. Have our hands full already :)

financialcareerstuff · 31/10/2023 21:58

I think habit does make a difference.

The whole desire/drive thing is so rich..... for sure I think there's an innate drive, but I think SO many things can get in the way of desire - from self esteem (general and physical), physical health, relationship happiness, time, stress levels etc.....

Someone has written a good book on this - can't remember title but read it a few years ago. Maybe someone else knows.

It equated desire to the movement of a car, with people's desire/drive level basically a sum of their 'accelerators' minus the sum if their 'brakes'.

Accelerators are positive desire-inducing factors (you see your partner looking gorgeous; your partner kisses you).

Brakes are stuff that inhibit your desire (you are tired; you feel bad about yourself; the lighting or environment is distracting you; you know the kids are home in 30 mins or in the next room etc..... )

Women apparently have more sensitive brakes.... but we all have a different balance. For some numerous elements (potential brakes) need to be just right, while accelerators are relatively few and far between.... result not much drive. Others have very few brake factors and lots of accelerators etc......