Friend is possibly gaslighting/emotionally abusive help me unpick this please

[Littlemisslonley]

Hi everyone
Need your opinions on a situation that I'm struggling to unpick.

I have a male friend who I've recently reconnected with and we message almost daily spurring each other on with life and kids etc...he expressed previously he wanted more than a friendship and I turned him down nicely and all was fine he understood and we remained friends. For context his landlord is selling his house so he needs to move out, he's on a rolling contract and has a new house lined up ready...we were discussing something relating to this...he had an opinion on it and I had a different opinion to what he was saying.... discussing together over message all very nice and calm not arguing.... we ended the messaging by me saying "I'd get advice from someone In the know and just double check your right because to me I think because you've given a date to leave thats what you need to stick too" he said "thank you don't want to talk about this anymore it's giving me anxiety" so we changed topic and spoke about something else....however his responses became very short and odd....later I asked him what was wrong and he basically said "I thought you'd have my back about the landlord" ...I explained that I have a different opinion to him and thats fine but to treat me differently and become weird with me because of it isn't ok behaviour .... see attached pic

Is this abusive? Is this gaslighting? Is this emotionally abusive? Or am I over reacting?

Sweet Jesus

You sound very odd and argumentative

and for you to ask whether this is gaslighting or abusive is nothing short of ridiculous

Yes you are over reacting

and this “relationship” sounds… well odd

He's obviously worried about his situation and when he's been upset about what you've said you've made it about you. You should be more understanding I think.

I feel sorry for your friend. Grow up.
He’s allowed to feel upset about something.

I think you were the gaslighter..... sorry.

He asked my advice about the landlord situation and then became cold with me because I disagreed is my point and because I didn't agree with him he became weird with me is that not a sign ?

No it's not. There is nothing to worry about there.

Without further context it looks to me like your friend is stressed about moving and wanted support rather than advice. I don’t see anything abusive here.

I think you're making it about you that he's 'off' with you when he's just upset and probably wants some time and space

I think you were a bit harsh tbh.

Have you been in abusive relationships before OP?

If you think that's gaslighting you don't know you're born!
Hate the way people throw out this term now without really understanding what it means, it undermines people that have really been abused

Yes twice both in different ways abusive
One very abusive in all respects
The 2nd mentally abusive and boundary crossing with trust

I think you were going on a bit there. You could have just left it.

This all seems very deep and OTT for a couple of friends.

Ah, I cross posted with you OP. So he asked for advice but really just wanted you to agree with him? It could be just the stress of moving. I still don’t think it’s abusive. If he starts calling you a cunt or refusing to talk to you for hours/days then I’ll reconsider.

Let me guess

Your entire relationship since “reconnecting” has been via messaging?

People need to stop thinking everything is abuse. You are minimising people who are really facing abusive circumstances. I actually can’t believe ‘abuse’ even crossed your mind from this text exchange

Show us the messages then when he supposedly became “cold” with you

No - not gaslighting and definitely not abusive. I think you may be a drama lama…

Your friend has backed away because you were making him feel anxious and not being very supportive

He was obviously a bit upset and possibly a bit short in his messages as a result, but when you asked him why he was behaving like that, he explained.

That is not gaslighting, that is simply a person hurt by what has been said.
Seriously, if anyone was being abusive in those messages, it was you. You went on and on.

Appalling isn’t it

to some extent I blame mumsnet

Yes because we both have children all the time and very busy in the last few months but previously before this we would meet up alot and stuff ...why?

You're trying to control him as much as you say he's trying to control you. He didn't like your advice, you didn't like the way he reacted to your advice, but it sounds like he was going to let the dust settle a bit whereas you are going in two footed suggesting that it's not normal to deal with disagreements in this way.

He's allowed to disagree with you and vice versa. I don't think he's being unfair or gaslighting you based on this interaction.