Friend is possibly gaslighting/emotionally abusive help me unpick this please

[Littlemisslonley]

Hi everyone
Need your opinions on a situation that I'm struggling to unpick.

I have a male friend who I've recently reconnected with and we message almost daily spurring each other on with life and kids etc...he expressed previously he wanted more than a friendship and I turned him down nicely and all was fine he understood and we remained friends. For context his landlord is selling his house so he needs to move out, he's on a rolling contract and has a new house lined up ready...we were discussing something relating to this...he had an opinion on it and I had a different opinion to what he was saying.... discussing together over message all very nice and calm not arguing.... we ended the messaging by me saying "I'd get advice from someone In the know and just double check your right because to me I think because you've given a date to leave thats what you need to stick too" he said "thank you don't want to talk about this anymore it's giving me anxiety" so we changed topic and spoke about something else....however his responses became very short and odd....later I asked him what was wrong and he basically said "I thought you'd have my back about the landlord" ...I explained that I have a different opinion to him and thats fine but to treat me differently and become weird with me because of it isn't ok behaviour .... see attached pic

Is this abusive? Is this gaslighting? Is this emotionally abusive? Or am I over reacting?

Good Lord, it all sounds absolutely exhausting.

Thank you for your nice post. I agree I have had some very helpful posts so it's not all been hateful! 🙂 I think it's been twisted to be honest by people but hey ho!

I agree! The friendship we have is very much a support friendship we don't see each other often even though he literally lives 8 minutes away if I walked fast haha

Evil covers a wide range of things and situations but thanks for your opinion

Evil covers a wide range of things and situations

indeed it does.

Responses on this thread not being one!

Just want to correct you on few things

1. He asked for my advice directly about the situation and I was symothatic at first before he asked for his advice however my advice was he was actually in the wrong appose to what he thought...

2.he was watching a film with his son at 7.20pm and I sent a voice note to him and carried on the chat at 8.47pm which is 47 minutes past his sons bedtime so I knew he wouldn't be watching the film

1. We voice note all the time we rarely text to be honest so me sending a voice note isn't stopping him watching a film because it was already stopped and he would text and say can't listen can you text if so....
2. No if he didn't reply I'd of caught up with him next time we spoke we do this alot me and him get busy and don't reply catch up the next day or following day

I do think I need counselling however as my reaction is hyper alert for any signs of control gaslighting mental abuse etc etc that I'm muddled with whats correct or not now !

Don't be ridiculous "support for this poor chap which you didn't want" I just wanted clarification that because I didn't agree with his view on his action and the fact that he then went abit weird because I didn't agree could that be a warning sign for our friendship that's all....you've all shown me I'm hyper defensive and hyper alert that any little thing potentionally rings alarm bells for me...

This sounds like a hellish nightmare. If this was the friend posting - the advice would be to RUN.

HTH

We can agree to differ on that
I feel the way you've come at me is nasty and evil when I was just seeking advice on something that I misinterpreted.... you don't know me you don't know my story maybe keep that in mind next time you go at someone I'm sure you can do it in a less aggy way

brace yourself 😂

It’s pretty incredible what people will classify as emotional abuse these days. Yes, you are massively overreacting. Maybe let this friendship go.

Can you explain to me why this would be your advice?

Right - i shall tell you -as long as you tell me first you can handle the truth?

Can you?

Overreacting because I wasn't sure if it was OK or not? And then turned to mumsnet for some advice and opinions and accepted I am fully left winging and obviously hyper alert to any possible red flags?
And why would I let the friendship go over that? Thats a weird thing to say. We have been friends for about 5 years but reconnected and chatted more recently

I can handle your opinion sure ...doesn't nessasarily mean it's the truth...might be your truth may not be mine?
Go for it 🙂

OK explain the needy as fuck and pain in the arse to me? How so?

Don’t bother @AnthonyMontana . No point.

Because you are arguing about trivia

Creating drama

Being a nuisance

Again - just the main themes

I dont want my whats app filled with any of that shit. Too much ache is the nutshell

Meh, I think he does sound like a baby tbh

I want his babies? If I wanted his babies I would of absolutely had his babies 5 years ago when we made our friendship and he wanted more so no I don't agree.

I don't like or dislike any of the replies I got on here - I've taken them on board.

You strike me as an odd person with your take on it to be honest....

My friend? Me? Xx

and I am very glad to hear that!!!!!!

Which bit

Him.

Not gaslighting or abusive but a bit of a baby for being all low because his friend made a counter point to what he was saying. He needs to toughen up imo.