I'm one of the ones who got it wrong initially. I wouldn't consider myself "obtuse" (or a dude) generally but I totally misread this one. Might be because I picked it up in under active conversations and didn't realise the significance of it being in relationships, plus I had a lot going on yesterday, but that's on me. Having realised how much I misjudged it and having had FrogFighter spell out what she wanted from the thread, I did the only thing that any decent adult would do which is apologise and make a supportive comment. If I'd still really disagreed with her I'd have simply had the decency to stay away from the thread. Anything else is a derailment.
Not sure my opinion is worth much now but I'm actually in full agreement with Frog and many of the other posters supporting her. I've seen many relationships end (both from a personal and professional perspective). Where one person has needed to "find themselves", the common denominator of whether or not they take the kids with them on that journey is their sex. I only know one woman who left her child (and only temporarily). Most women accept that they need to carve out their new existence with their children as a part of it. Many then experience the frustration of not being able to redefine their lives because of structural barriers facing them as parents but they don't generally abandon their children.
If all the mothers of children whose fathers had walked out on them gave up their children to 'find themselves' too, we'd have a crisis. The women would (quite rightly) be charged with child abandonment for dumping their children and yet when men walk out on their DC it's just "one of those things ".
I had a mid life crisis. I changed career. I didn't walk out on my children. When men have a midlife crisis it says a lot that they do. It clearly demonstrates that domestic responsibilities are something they view as a negative that is holding them back and which they have every right to walk away from. I'd hazard a guess that this attitude probably has a lot to do with why they're not getting more fulfilment from their relationship with their partner and children in the first place. Running away and starting a new life is just exacerbating the problem rather than addressing the underlying cause. Which is them and their attitude to overcoming challenges. If men took the same approach to working on their relationships with their wives and children as they often seem able to do with work challenges, life would look very different. But domestic life is constantly devalued (until it's stability is taken away from you at least) or considered an entitlement.
In the long run, this kind of 'freedom' rarely leads to happiness. I see a lot of men settle down with someone new and make the same mistakes. They grow lonely in old age. Occasionally, some have a lightbulb moment and make amends. None of which will undo what the e OP and her DC have been through.
Yes I know not all men are like that and not all women are devoted mothers, but as a trend there's no disputing that women take far greater responsibility for their children than men do in the event of separation.