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Original poster

Girlfriend Clubbing on Girls Holiday

167 replies

CharmingChap · 23/10/2023 05:02

I’m a 49 year old Guy who’s separated and divorcing. Twelve Months ago I met an amazing woman (47) also going through a divorce. Until recently all has been really great. Her divorce finally completed a month ago. Since then, she has started going out a lot more with girlfriends. On Saturday she went on a girls holiday. The last two nights, she’s been out clubbing until 4 and 5 am. Saturday she said her mobile was dead and didn’t text….. Tonight she texted saying she was dancing on the bar “Having great fun” ! I’m a secure guy, but…….. What do people think, is this normal/reasonable - should I be worried.

OP posts:
Bobtheamazinggingerdog · 23/10/2023 05:12

It's not what I would enjoy doing on holiday but what do you think you should be worrying about? Why would it be reasonable for her to tailor what she chooses to do on holiday around your opinions? What's unreasonable about having fun on holiday? Do you think she's cheating on you when she's out?

StrangePaintName · 23/10/2023 05:18

Do you think you get a veto on the behaviour of a 47 year old woman you’re seeing?

Sparklfairy · 23/10/2023 05:20

I’m a secure guy

A secure guy wouldn't be asking this. If you don't trust her not to cop off with a random while she's on holiday, that's firmly a you problem.

If she's going to cheat, there isn't much you can do about it. But driving yourself mad with what ifs and/or trying to control what she does isn't going to work out well for anyone.

It's perfectly likely she's letting her hair down and having fun WITHOUT having a holiday shag.

junbean · 23/10/2023 05:21

Be happy for her!

PARunnerGirl · 23/10/2023 05:34

You don’t sound secure, so that might be something to spend some time thinking about rather than imaginary scenarios about your girlfriend cheating.

Be careful heading down this route only 12 months into the relationship. You could lose her, especially if your contact with her while she is on holiday has undertones of mistrust or accusation.

Guibhyl · 23/10/2023 05:36

I hope you’re not thinking of suggesting to her that she shouldn’t be going out clubbing.
And I hope that if you do, that she doesn’t stand for that shit.

OnAir · 23/10/2023 05:50

She's in her coyote ugly phase 😂

Hearmenow23 · 23/10/2023 05:51

Weird to even question it.

ShatteredPeace · 23/10/2023 06:02

If she was going to cheat then clubbing or not clubbing would make no difference.

FWIW if I had just got divorced at that age, I could not be doing with anyone questioning me over stuff like this. I think if you keep this attitude up you'll lose her.

Maddy70 · 23/10/2023 06:08

Bloody he'll. I'm currently trying on a " girls" weekend. I'll older than your Gf

I have barely messaged my DH

We have also been clubbing etc.

Get a grip she's an adult

MariaVT65 · 23/10/2023 06:20

There is no reason for you to question this. Regardless of her activities, it’s normal not to be constantly texting your partner while you’re away.

I’d also have a sit down and think about why you’re worried about her clubbing. Is it because you think she’ll cheat on you? If that’s the case, that’s not normal. I personally hate clubbing but it’s perfectly fine for women to go out and enjoy a dance with their friends without hooking up with a stranger.

FlibbertyGibbitt · 23/10/2023 06:22

She’s divorced. You’re not. She can do what she wants. Probably thinks you’ll go back to the Mrs.

Kittenkitty · 23/10/2023 06:22

I think she’s probably just having a boogie and letting her hair down. I know plenty of girls who go out clubbing to have a good dance and don’t even speak to a man.

If she likes dancing maybe you should think about taking her out to a gig or to a club yourself 😊

Kittenkitty · 23/10/2023 06:24

Also clubbing usually comes in cycles, you go out and enjoy it and someone says let’s do it again etc and you have a bit of a run until you get bored or whatever.

or she may have just had a few invitations recently and that’ll cam down again.

LovelyDaaling · 23/10/2023 06:31

She feels secure enough to tell you what she is doing. She was thinking of you whilst out having a good time.
What would you like her to be doing instead - reading a book in her room? Is that what you would do if you were away with your mates?
You aren't as secure as you think.

rexed · 23/10/2023 06:36

Clubbing is not cheating. Do you want to be texting someone all night while out with the boys and missing the fun? She'll be celebrating her divorce, leave her to it and be the guy she wants to come back to, not the nag that got annoyed because she was having a good night without him.

CeeceeBloomingdale · 23/10/2023 06:36

You’re not secure. Are you judging her by your own standards and what you would get up to? She has given you no reason to think she is doing anything other than dancing and enjoying herself.

Azandme · 23/10/2023 06:43

Worried about what?

givemeasunnyday · 23/10/2023 06:48

Hearmenow23 · 23/10/2023 05:51

Weird to even question it.

And yet we have women on MN all the time complaining about men with lesser transgressions, and no-one thinks that is weird.

Fatcat00 · 23/10/2023 06:48

Clubbing on a girls holiday… hold the front page.

pickledandpuzzled · 23/10/2023 06:54

In what way is clubbing a transgression?

why would anyone be upset about their partner clubbing with friends while on holiday?

at home when you’ve been left at home with dc and there’s hangovers, maybe but why not on holiday?

Original poster
CharmingChap · 23/10/2023 07:07

Just to be clear, I have no issue with her clubbing at all. I want her to have a great time with her mates. It was purely about the getting in at 4 & 5 am rather than 1 or 2am

OP posts:
Sparklfairy · 23/10/2023 07:09

4 and 5am is normal for clubbing. What time would you like her to be tucked up in bed by then?

Azandme · 23/10/2023 07:09

Why is the time she gets in a problem?

Do you think adult women should have a curfew?

Changingplace · 23/10/2023 07:11

CharmingChap · 23/10/2023 07:07

Just to be clear, I have no issue with her clubbing at all. I want her to have a great time with her mates. It was purely about the getting in at 4 & 5 am rather than 1 or 2am

Edited

What does the time of day/night she gets in on holiday have to do with anything?

You need to work on your insecurities, you don’t get to impose a curfew on a grown woman.