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Original poster

Girlfriend Clubbing on Girls Holiday

167 replies

CharmingChap · 23/10/2023 05:02

I’m a 49 year old Guy who’s separated and divorcing. Twelve Months ago I met an amazing woman (47) also going through a divorce. Until recently all has been really great. Her divorce finally completed a month ago. Since then, she has started going out a lot more with girlfriends. On Saturday she went on a girls holiday. The last two nights, she’s been out clubbing until 4 and 5 am. Saturday she said her mobile was dead and didn’t text….. Tonight she texted saying she was dancing on the bar “Having great fun” ! I’m a secure guy, but…….. What do people think, is this normal/reasonable - should I be worried.

OP posts:
xyz111 · 23/10/2023 07:13

She's a grown woman, she can go to bed whenever she likes!!! I don't understand your issue here.

Bobtheamazinggingerdog · 23/10/2023 07:14

And...??? How does it affect you?

BeggyMitchell · 23/10/2023 07:17

She was probably trapped in a horrible marriage that has finally ended so she feels free now and is having a bloody good time.

If you get needy/clingy with her about this it could very well give her the ick.

Sparkletastic · 23/10/2023 07:23

I do think it is normal / reasonable and I don't think you should be worried. She might have cause to be a bit worried about you though.

pickledandpuzzled · 23/10/2023 07:33

European clubs don’t get started till gone midnight, if I remember correctly from a very long ago youth!

SamW98 · 23/10/2023 07:33

She’s having fun with her friends and letting her hair down. Why on earth would she be messaging you in the early hours? It’s kit bc about you.

Im older than your gf and on our girls weekends we often stay out til the sun is coming up. It’s a few nights a year. Absolutely nothing wrong with having fun.

ApolloandDaphne · 23/10/2023 07:36

What difference does it make to you when she goes to bed when she is on holiday? I've never been clubbing but my understanding is they don't even open until late and then stay open until the early hours.

Doingmybest12 · 23/10/2023 07:39

It sounds like she's having the best time with her friends. She is a grown woman , I can't see the harm and hope she has a great time , free from her unhappy marriage.

ElleCapitaine · 23/10/2023 07:40

Good for her! Most clubs don’t even open until midnight these days, even in the UK. If she wanted to cheat she wouldn’t need to go holiday to do it. What are you worried about?

TheMixedGirl · 23/10/2023 07:41

Surely this can not be real! She can do what she likes! If you don't like it then don't be with her. It really is as simple as that.

McIntire · 23/10/2023 07:45

Honestly, she probably needs to do this for her, it’s not about you and shouldn’t be.

Worrying will change nothing and only time will tell.

Give her space.

McIntire · 23/10/2023 07:48

Just seen it’s the time you’re worried about.

You can add a few hours on from our time (GMT aside) Everything is later in Spain, Greece, Italy, Wherever.

BrimfulOfMash · 23/10/2023 07:53

You have both gone into a year of seeing each other while in the process of divorce.

Rebound.

If she has come out of a long marriage in which she felt trapped, constrained, miserable, the actual divorce coming through might well feel like tectonic plates shifting in her life.

How far have you been a distraction for each other? Looked for mutual support in the divorce process? Bolstered each others self esteem as the marriages dissipated?

I am always surprised people rush into relationships as marriages are ending.

Being out til 4am … good for her!

Feeling insecure? Well, it’s a stage in her life, she might find her horizons and world look different. She might celebrate and find it clears the way all the better for you.

But mithering her and monitoring her fun on holiday won’t help anything.

TheDisgustingBrothers · 23/10/2023 07:55

The double standards on MN sometimes are hilarious. If this was a woman talking about a man there would be cries of:

’he’s still clubbing at 47? Ick. Ditch the man child.’
’he can’t respect you enough to keep you informed whilst he’s away, ditch him!’
’don’t stand for this, you’re not compatible, ditch him!’

😂😂

Stealthtax · 23/10/2023 07:58

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

ApolloandDaphne · 23/10/2023 08:08

TheDisgustingBrothers · 23/10/2023 07:55

The double standards on MN sometimes are hilarious. If this was a woman talking about a man there would be cries of:

’he’s still clubbing at 47? Ick. Ditch the man child.’
’he can’t respect you enough to keep you informed whilst he’s away, ditch him!’
’don’t stand for this, you’re not compatible, ditch him!’

😂😂

You might see that but I would raise my eyebrows if I saw it said about a man. I hate the double standards and the man hating that goes on on MN.

Original poster
CharmingChap · 23/10/2023 08:08

Interesting reply….

OP posts:
YireosDodeAver · 23/10/2023 08:12

Has she signed over ownership of her body and her right to personal agency to you as a direct consequence of going on some dates with you? After how many dates did this happen, and was she aware of this threshold having been triggered?

I have no idea whether she is just spending the holiday having an amazong time with her girl pals dancing the night away together because they have no actual need to have a man as their attention focus, or whether she is choosing to sometimes damce with guys who are there because she has every right to do so and you don't own her, whilst having no intention of romantic entanglement because she's got something she likes going with you and dancing with someone isn't infidelity, or whether she is having a holiday fling including wild sex. Any of those is possible. The third is the least likely but the fact that you are suspicious and jealous rather than assuming the first or second tells me that she'd be best off without you.

Have you done any self-reflection, counselling or personal improvement work to deal with your character flaws that contributed to your current divorce? Obviously i know nothing about you so have no knowledge about what thise flaws are but I know no one is perfect. You might benefit from being single for a while and reflecting more on how to address whatever yoir faults are before you are ready to explore what a positive supportive relationship of equals might really feel like.

Notgoodatpoetrybutgreatatlit · 23/10/2023 08:12

Op you have asked a open ended question on an open Internet forum you will get a lot of opinions.
Maybe you and your girlfriend need to have some open conversations when she returns about your relationship. Maybe you are in a different place to her in your head.
In itself being out all night clubbing is not an issue. Thousands of people do it all the time.
Going to bed at 5 or 6am again isn't in itself a problem.
Maybe you should be super honest with yourself first about what the problem is that has brought you to mumsnet looking for something to reassure you.

endoflevelbaddy · 23/10/2023 08:13

I recently had a night away with a group of old work mates. We were out at a club until 2/3 am, range in age from 41- 63 most of us married some divorced.
We were out to catch up with each other and let our hair down, the only man we spoke to was our waiter, those of us with partners certainly were not in contact with them. And, as grown ass women, who have all spent years looking out for our girlfriends and making sure everyone is home safe (because, well, men) we all survived the night.

It is perfectly normal for your partner to enjoy herself while away, your concern may well come across as controlling.

Honeybee798 · 23/10/2023 08:14

She’s just having fun. She’s not doing anything wrong here. Plenty of 47 year olds go out drinking/clubbing and stay out late, especially when on holiday. You cannot control her, whether you like that or not. If this isn’t something that you agree with, that’s fine but don’t put a dampener on her girls trip.

Siameasy · 23/10/2023 08:23

A women’s forum will mainly give you the female perspective so I would ask some of your male friends so you get a balance.
My female perspective is that she likes the attention and is having a great time especially since she is newly divorced. We women tend to see this as harmless as we probably don’t intend on doing anything but men may see the whole thing differently. Men know what men are like after all.
I’m her sort of age and if I ever go dancing I do get male attention which I find amusing but I probably wouldn’t go on about it too much to my DH as it would be like rubbing it in.
It’s not insecurity it’s the male psyche. I’d perhaps feel territorial if DH had a close female confidant.

CandyLeBonBon · 23/10/2023 08:25

We've all been there. Unless you think she is a cheat, clubbing is just clubbing.

That's the burning question, isn't it?

napody · 23/10/2023 08:28

pickledandpuzzled · 23/10/2023 07:33

European clubs don’t get started till gone midnight, if I remember correctly from a very long ago youth!

I was gonna say this- if you're worried 4/5am finish is 'suspicious': it's not.

But I agree with Notgoodatpoetrybutgreatatlit- ask yourself why you are asking these questions! She deserves a bit of freedom.

Maddy70 · 23/10/2023 08:28

CharmingChap · 23/10/2023 07:07

Just to be clear, I have no issue with her clubbing at all. I want her to have a great time with her mates. It was purely about the getting in at 4 & 5 am rather than 1 or 2am

Edited

Wait. You want to give her a curfew?

Jeez she should run for the hills. Clubs don't close until 4-6 am what time do you think os acceptable?

You are anything but secure.