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Original poster

Girlfriend Clubbing on Girls Holiday

167 replies

CharmingChap · 23/10/2023 05:02

I’m a 49 year old Guy who’s separated and divorcing. Twelve Months ago I met an amazing woman (47) also going through a divorce. Until recently all has been really great. Her divorce finally completed a month ago. Since then, she has started going out a lot more with girlfriends. On Saturday she went on a girls holiday. The last two nights, she’s been out clubbing until 4 and 5 am. Saturday she said her mobile was dead and didn’t text….. Tonight she texted saying she was dancing on the bar “Having great fun” ! I’m a secure guy, but…….. What do people think, is this normal/reasonable - should I be worried.

OP posts:
TicTacNicNak · 23/10/2023 08:39

I split from my husband for a while a couple of years ago, and started seeing another man before I was free of him. Big mistake in hindsight!

I had gone straight from living at home, to living with husband and a 30 year miserable marriage. When the other guy took an interest I was flattered and excited and everything seemed rosy.

Then I got my own place and realised I'd never spent time living on my own, recalling understanding who I was as a person. He got clingier and I began to realise I didn't love him and he was just a distraction, so I ended it.

I admire your partners stamina to stay out that late. Maybe she too is experiencing this feeling of freedom now her divorce is complete. Let her go wild with her friends while she's on her holiday. If you question her or get too clingy, you'll drive her away.

PantsOfDoom · 23/10/2023 08:41

She’s having fun with her friends, lots of music and dance. Good for her

Russoooooo · 23/10/2023 08:44

Yeah. You’re not secure. Work on that.

SamW98 · 23/10/2023 08:45

I can’t speak for your gf or anyone else but the dance floor is my happy place. I just love the music and the freedom dancing brings. I have no idea if I get male attention because I’m in my own zone. Clubs are not just about going out on the pull especially as we get older.
After her divorce maybe that’s where your gf is - she just wants the freedom to dance and let herself go without having to check in witj anyone.

SavBlancTonight · 23/10/2023 08:45

TheDisgustingBrothers · 23/10/2023 07:55

The double standards on MN sometimes are hilarious. If this was a woman talking about a man there would be cries of:

’he’s still clubbing at 47? Ick. Ditch the man child.’
’he can’t respect you enough to keep you informed whilst he’s away, ditch him!’
’don’t stand for this, you’re not compatible, ditch him!’

😂😂

No, that's not true. The posts you are referring to are usually when a man and woman live together, often have children, also often have responsibilities for the next day and he goes "for a drink" and doesn't get back until 5am.

This is entirely different. She is his gf, she's just finalised her divorce and she is away.

Op is being weird and controlling and needy and should stop.

StrangePaintName · 23/10/2023 08:48

CharmingChap · 23/10/2023 07:07

Just to be clear, I have no issue with her clubbing at all. I want her to have a great time with her mates. It was purely about the getting in at 4 & 5 am rather than 1 or 2am

Edited

Have you confused your relationship with a parent-teenager one???

Treeinthesky · 23/10/2023 08:49

I'm 33 going through a divorce bought ex out recently. I also have a bf of nearly 1 year. And no I wouldn't do this. Tbh I think she's feeling free and either wants to be single or she's just enjoying her self. Go with her clubbing next time or its prob a time she isn't ready for a relationship

MrsRobinsonsHandprints · 23/10/2023 08:55

I am older than your gf, and in a very happy marriage.

Sometimes I go out clubbing and don't come home at all, especially when abroad with friends. I have never and will never cheat.

But I agree with pp that if reversed would be saying get rid, I don't like that side of MN.

MsRosley · 23/10/2023 09:00

OnAir · 23/10/2023 05:50

She's in her coyote ugly phase 😂

😂

AmazingSnakeHead · 23/10/2023 09:14

I'm sick of this. This is the third thread I've read on here TODAY from a man turning to women on Mumsnet to validate their own shitty attitude towards their partners. Why is there suddenly an influx of men looking to use this forum as another stick with which to beat women? So what, you can turn to her and say "even the women on Mumsnet think you should be home by 12 and they all think that I'm just an amazing boyfriend for allowing you to go out dancing with your friends"? It's bullshit, I'm sorry.

It also just doesn't matter what we think. If she wants to go out drinking until 5am that's fine, she's 47 years old. If it's not for you then break up with her, you're clearly incompatible. But it's not at all on to try and pressure her into behaving the way that YOU want her to behave, and to solicit other women into being complicit to it. Fucking sick to the back teeth of men trying to control women's behaviour through this weird little drip drip of their perception of what a woman should be behaving like. There's millions of women who like being home by 12, go and date one of them.

As if men don't already control the agenda of the whole world, they now want their fucking agenda on Mumsnet as well.

pickledandpuzzled · 23/10/2023 09:20

I think you’re worrying because you see clubbing as an attempt to pull. Many, perhaps most women just want to dance and laugh with their mates. The men there to pull get in the way, rather than being the point.

Gnomegnomegnome · 23/10/2023 09:21

Sounds like hell (I get up at 5!) but also sounds like she’s having a good time which is great!

katmarie · 23/10/2023 09:25

AmazingSnakeHead · 23/10/2023 09:14

I'm sick of this. This is the third thread I've read on here TODAY from a man turning to women on Mumsnet to validate their own shitty attitude towards their partners. Why is there suddenly an influx of men looking to use this forum as another stick with which to beat women? So what, you can turn to her and say "even the women on Mumsnet think you should be home by 12 and they all think that I'm just an amazing boyfriend for allowing you to go out dancing with your friends"? It's bullshit, I'm sorry.

It also just doesn't matter what we think. If she wants to go out drinking until 5am that's fine, she's 47 years old. If it's not for you then break up with her, you're clearly incompatible. But it's not at all on to try and pressure her into behaving the way that YOU want her to behave, and to solicit other women into being complicit to it. Fucking sick to the back teeth of men trying to control women's behaviour through this weird little drip drip of their perception of what a woman should be behaving like. There's millions of women who like being home by 12, go and date one of them.

As if men don't already control the agenda of the whole world, they now want their fucking agenda on Mumsnet as well.

Wholeheartedly agree with all of this.

Naunet · 23/10/2023 09:25

TheDisgustingBrothers · 23/10/2023 07:55

The double standards on MN sometimes are hilarious. If this was a woman talking about a man there would be cries of:

’he’s still clubbing at 47? Ick. Ditch the man child.’
’he can’t respect you enough to keep you informed whilst he’s away, ditch him!’
’don’t stand for this, you’re not compatible, ditch him!’

😂😂

Speak for yourself, you have no idea what the posters here would say, or are you a mind reader?

OP, she’s a grown woman, what exactly is your issue with her staying out until 5am? What do you think that means?

BrimfulOfMash · 23/10/2023 09:27

TheDisgustingBrothers · 23/10/2023 07:55

The double standards on MN sometimes are hilarious. If this was a woman talking about a man there would be cries of:

’he’s still clubbing at 47? Ick. Ditch the man child.’
’he can’t respect you enough to keep you informed whilst he’s away, ditch him!’
’don’t stand for this, you’re not compatible, ditch him!’

😂😂

MN doesn’t have a Uni Mind.

There are plenty of posters who say it’s fine when men go on lads weekends etc. They often get derided as ‘cool wives’ .

And as this is a site for mothers / parents at it’s core, the complaint from women is more often that men going clubbing, off on numerous stag nights / lads weekends / work jollies are neglecting their share of parenting or coming in at 5 am wrecked and scuppering a planned family day out with the kids. Not the clubbing per se.

Naunet · 23/10/2023 09:28

AmazingSnakeHead · 23/10/2023 09:14

I'm sick of this. This is the third thread I've read on here TODAY from a man turning to women on Mumsnet to validate their own shitty attitude towards their partners. Why is there suddenly an influx of men looking to use this forum as another stick with which to beat women? So what, you can turn to her and say "even the women on Mumsnet think you should be home by 12 and they all think that I'm just an amazing boyfriend for allowing you to go out dancing with your friends"? It's bullshit, I'm sorry.

It also just doesn't matter what we think. If she wants to go out drinking until 5am that's fine, she's 47 years old. If it's not for you then break up with her, you're clearly incompatible. But it's not at all on to try and pressure her into behaving the way that YOU want her to behave, and to solicit other women into being complicit to it. Fucking sick to the back teeth of men trying to control women's behaviour through this weird little drip drip of their perception of what a woman should be behaving like. There's millions of women who like being home by 12, go and date one of them.

As if men don't already control the agenda of the whole world, they now want their fucking agenda on Mumsnet as well.

Couldn’t agree more

Panaa · 23/10/2023 09:30

TheDisgustingBrothers · 23/10/2023 07:55

The double standards on MN sometimes are hilarious. If this was a woman talking about a man there would be cries of:

’he’s still clubbing at 47? Ick. Ditch the man child.’
’he can’t respect you enough to keep you informed whilst he’s away, ditch him!’
’don’t stand for this, you’re not compatible, ditch him!’

😂😂

Nope, I've seen women torn to shreds on here when they complain about lack of contact when their boyfriend is on holiday or if they're worried about him clubbing.

Also when men go to strip clubs when they're away a huge amount of posters ridicule the OP if she has a problem with it.

You're making up these double standards that you say you see.

People do however have an issue with men with families ditching their responsibilities etc to get fucked up, arriving home in a state and not being fit to do anything the next day. If it's a rare occurrence then most say it's fine but when it's a regular thing that's when people would have an issue with it....and that's the exact same with women.

SleepingStandingUp · 23/10/2023 09:31

CharmingChap · 23/10/2023 07:07

Just to be clear, I have no issue with her clubbing at all. I want her to have a great time with her mates. It was purely about the getting in at 4 & 5 am rather than 1 or 2am

Edited

But she's on holiday, she hasn't got to get up to the kids or work or the dog. Just don't pester her and encourage her to enjoy it. Unless Bar is a hot young thing with muscles.

Willowview · 23/10/2023 09:32

OP, it sounds to me like it would serve you both well to ease the foot off the relationship gas and use this time to focus on your individual wants and needs. I find great comfort and excitement in exploring and establishing my own sense of self post relationship.

BigPussyEnergy · 23/10/2023 09:35

Are you worried she’s going to slip and hurt herself while she’s dancing on the bar? That’s a skill we never lose don’t worry. Glad to hear she’s enjoying herself. Keep yourself busy and look forward to seeing her sloppy drunk photos when she gets home as she’ll want to show you that she’s still got it!

Wyksi · 23/10/2023 09:42

It’s completely normal

My boyfriend (50) went to Ibiza with friends and was out clubbing until 6am. I’m jealous that he had such a great time and fully encouraged him to have an amazing holiday

I don’t understand your issue 🤷🏼‍♀️

C1N1C · 23/10/2023 09:42

Would these same posters above stand for their boyfriend or husband going out clubbing until the early hours?

BigPussyEnergy · 23/10/2023 09:43

C1N1C · 23/10/2023 09:42

Would these same posters above stand for their boyfriend or husband going out clubbing until the early hours?

Yes
hth

Fupoffyagrasshole · 23/10/2023 09:44

i'm married with a toddler at home and go out clubbing til 5am regularly with my friends! it's a huge part of my social life

you do sound controlling - what does it matter what time she stays out until - it's none of your business

obviously not compatible

Naunet · 23/10/2023 09:46

C1N1C · 23/10/2023 09:42

Would these same posters above stand for their boyfriend or husband going out clubbing until the early hours?

A very new boyfriend out celebrating his divorce? I wouldn’t consider for a moment I had a say on what time he came home. Why, would you?