Girlfriend Clubbing on Girls Holiday

[CharmingChap]

I’m a 49 year old Guy who’s separated and divorcing. Twelve Months ago I met an amazing woman (47) also going through a divorce. Until recently all has been really great. Her divorce finally completed a month ago. Since then, she has started going out a lot more with girlfriends. On Saturday she went on a girls holiday. The last two nights, she’s been out clubbing until 4 and 5 am. Saturday she said her mobile was dead and didn’t text….. Tonight she texted saying she was dancing on the bar “Having great fun” ! I’m a secure guy, but…….. What do people think, is this normal/reasonable - should I be worried.

If her past relationship was long, it's a fair bet that you met her a bit too soon after it ended. She's letting her hair down after new found freedom. It will ware off, I doubt she will be up for clubbing in her 50's. Perhaps just see how she is with you when she gets back, that will indicate more. The not texting for a whole day claiming no battery is possibly a weak excuse, if she's in a hotel or apartment, unlikely she couldn't charge all day, but she might just be in her fun bubble.
I'd wait for her to instigate communication on return. Maybe hang back a bit, see if she puts any effort in, then match her energy for a while and if it's low, it kinda indicates a lack of enthusiasm that you'd be better to not chase.

This. Can't blame her really.

What's the difference? What's the problem?

Just to be clear, I have been on numerous girls holidays... not been on any guy ones though. I don't need to stay out until 4am, well I did until say mid 30s then for me at least a good day on holiday became more important than a good night. And yes I have been divorced, the last thing I wanted to do was go clubbing...each to one's own..

Why is being out till 2am absolutely fine, but 1 or 2 more hours is worrying? If you were secure you wouldn't be thinking about it enough to make a post.

Rania78 Go to the search bar at the top of the page & type Dadsnet

There are a lot of women borderline attacking you on here for daring to question this (awful)…From a male who has an INTJ personality type, I like to rationalise and try to be logical. I would say a few things about this (this is an opinion)…You do not get to control her behaviour, but you do have every right to leave her. If she has gone somewhere full of single guys and girls who are there for one thing (and they are, let’s not beat around the bush), knowing how you would be feeling, she isn’t up to the standards of a mature relationship, if she can’t understand how you’re feeling, she’s simply too immature or apathetic for a mature relationship. You see these types of questions posted on student rooms, because these are the feelings you should be dealing with as a 21 year old, after 30, this should not be a thing. She’s not a bad person for wanting to go, but she clearly isn't in the right mindset for a mature relationship with you. There will be emotional people on here giving you different and biased opinions (you posted this on mumsnet???) but people in mature relationships DO NOT go to places like this without their partner…Use your logic, how many times have you been to these places and seen cheating, I’d go 9/10 from experience of my friendship groups. If you’re happy to brush that under the carpet, fair enough…But I have been to these kind of places and seen endless men and women cheat then phone their partners and just lie. For me, going to these places isn’t wrong, but it’s sending you a clear message about the intentions for the relationship. I would cry myself to sleep for a week and leave her before accepting this.

So, who are all these cheating guys shagging…Single women solely, I think not.

@JCP01
Why did you go and dig up an 8 month old thread just to express your judgement on this womans behaviour? weird 🤔

That is a fair question…I definitely didn’t read the dates, oh well. My opinion still stands…But yeah, I can see it’s from last October. Thanks for your response…Happy for this conversation to not continue. It was ages ago!

Why is it a problem for you that she is staying up until 4-5am, @CharmingChap? Why do you think you get any say about what time she goes to bed on her holiday? It isn't affecting you at all.

You should be happy to have someone with so much energy in your life - not complaining about it!

Apologies from me too - I didn't realise this was a zombie thread.

Well she sounds like she's in a celebratory phase of life post divorce and happily you're part of that. I wouldn't worry. She's probably gushing to her friends (who are masking their boredom because they love her) about how good her life is now and how happy she is - brilliant holiday with friends, divorce sorted, hot new man at home... Join in on the adventure, don't squash it.

@CharmingChap did it work out?

I also didn't notice at first that this is from months back

Update from OP would be good.

Just imagine if this was a women posting the same about her partner.

' he's clearly cheating'
'he should grow up and not act like a teenager'
' i could never be with a man that gets home at 4am'
' he'll be chatting up younger girls than him'
'It's bollocks his phone died'

MN at it's finest!

That is not behaviour you want from anything long term. Keep her in the casual category until she shows you better.