Can someone genuinely love you, but cheat?

[Sxs]

Yes or No?

@Sxs may I ask how you found out? What his response what? Are you married? Do you have children?

Delete

No. They like the lifestyle you offer but deep down no they don’t.

@Rania78 yes, i was married with one child. It didnt get to physical but the intent was there im sure.

Sorry to hear @Sxs . Did you find messages and signs of emotional affair? How did he justify himself?

@Rania78 when confronted he admitted. There was evidence on his computer so he couldnt anyway. He's still apologising years later.

So basically it has been years since then. Have you seen any signs of him
cheating again? Was it before or afrer the baby? And how many years into your relationship?

@Rania78 he never gave a reason, to this day, says he doesnt know. Im over him but i still think of title of the thread almost daily.

I honestly think, for the vast majority of people, infidelity is a more visceral pain & sorrow, and more of a fundamental betrayal, than the other shit behaviour you've mentioned. It's sexual/intimate/fundamental/emotional in a way other poor behaviour is not.

I'm not saying other poor behaviour can't cause pain, sorrow, betrayal etc and sink relationships ... Of course it can.

It's just that infidelity seems to be in a league of its own for most people.

You see violent reactions, often resulting in serious injuries and deaths, over infidelity much more often than over any other relationship behaviour.

Hard no.

Yes

Im the one who got cheated on ffs

I'm really glad you're not currently in that position, I meant.

I'm sorry you went through that.

You had stronger boundaries than many ppl on here (and anywhere) for getting rid of him without evidence of physical cheating. Some ppl would stay because of that .... Those ppl usually end up on here down the line with further infidelity though.

No and people that accept it aren’t self respecting

No

He's still apologising years later.

Oh my word .. tell him to STFU.

Is it not bad enough that he cheated on you with a baby in the picture, without moaning on at you about it years later.

One sincere apology and move on ... Such self indulgence.

@GilberMarkham it showed a lack of integrity and bad intentions. I didnt need to wait for the rest. I didnt want to look over my shoulder and wonder if 5 minutes late meant more than 5 minutes late.

i agree. Infidelity was a whole other league for me too. It stirred up betrayal, feeling stupid, embarassed, feeling inadequate, shame. My brain has been wired differently since. Many years later i still feel it. I actually found dealing with losing grandparents easier as it was a case of yes i miss them but i understand death. The cheating i still (clearly) dont understand!

I think yes - people are idiots and make stupid/selfish decisions all the time, doesn’t meant they don’t love someone they hurt. That said, I’d still leave my DH if he cheated - loving me wouldn’t make up for being a selfish dick.

Me too.
however, i must say I am surprised at how many men cheat when a baby is on the way. Why donthey do that?

Responsibility hitting home and feeling trapped I guess - neither a good enough excuse though.

There is another thing I have also noticed.
They all want children. As soon as they have them though and realise how difficult raising a child is, they abandon them to their wives and go to have a career. They then find the excuse “i bring money home”, while in reality they want to get away from it all.

Yes because many do separate love from sex for a start.

However if they know sleeping with someone else would hurt you then even if they do love you they don’t care about you above their ego.

My brain has been wired differently since. Many years later i still feel it

I think it's been established.. it's commonly accepted now that being a victim of cheating can cause a type of PTSD.

Maybe counselling might help. Is it edms that everyone talks about on here?

I think it's entirely natural to react to something that caused you pain and that made you feel foolish and made you feel like you you should have been on guard .. . To push you into a mindset of "I must be on my guard, I cannot trust people, I can't relax and presume everythings hunky dory, I don't want to feel pain like that again". It's only human to end up in a mindset where you ret to prevent/circumvent what happen to you, and caused you pain.

to this day, says he doesnt know.

He does know.

He just can't say it out loud/admit it ... Because t would make him feel like (and look like) such a schmuck.

I'd hazard a guess at ..he had an opportunity to shag a halfway attractive woman ..and didn't have the integrity to turn it down, and thought he'd get away with it.

If someone can cheat on someone they 'love', then their definition of love varies hugely from mine.

I can't imagine going through my life thinking love is something so weak, that you would cheat on someone that you 'love' for.

I love my partner so deeply, to hurt him would feel worse than hurting me. To betray him is unthinkable to me.

feel love for.