Is anyone else still in disbelief that another woman is living your life?

[autumnmarshmallows]

Usual scenario. Husband of 22 years had an affair and got OW pregnant within three months of being with her (we already had adult children).
Both of them are bastards in my opinion but even 5 years on, I still have days when I can't wrap my head around this other woman living the life that was originally mine. She seems to want for nothing and doesn't work (small kid at home half the time), drives a brand new car, goes on holidays and is a bitch towards our adult kids.
I'd never want to be with him again but it does occasionally piss me right off . I'm wondering if this feeling with ever dissipate?

I know of one man who is wishing for his old life back - OW became wife, wanted children whilst his were grown up - its not the life he wants - just the one his dick choose for him

She can't be comfortable though. If they'll cheat with you, they'll cheat on you, and everyone knows it really.

I’m sorry @autumnmarshmallows but I’d bet he regrets it bitterly. And I bet he’s bloody miserable to boot. I hope your adult children let him know how they feel. I think you’re definitely happier than him, whatever you may feel…..

I’m sorry you feel this way but you seem to care more out the financial loss than him.

Everyone wishes they were better off financially and so you need to separate this, from your feelings towards her.

I would rather be living in a tent, than be living with a cheat who has no respect for me.

She may be financially well off but she has to live with the fact that her DH is a cheat and wouldn’t think twice about going off with a younger model.

Do you have any advice for someone in a relationship?

Why are you working 2 jobs?
Did you have a career whilst with him or jointly own the house?
Does he pay maintenance?

This is something that happens a lot and it’s so important that women protect themselves financially as best as they can.

It is the focus though, read the posts. No one is saying it is a joy to have a baby when you are older but it's hard work, it's all laughing at him because he'll have to change a nappy.

I've brought up 4 and done lots of childcare with GC so I've changed plenty of nappies, still doing it. It really isn't that big a deal in comparison to the pleasure of a new baby or it shouldn't be. It certainly isn't something to mock people about.

You have a choice.

You have a choice.

That’s a whole other thread 😝

@cartagenagina
I know a man who took both his wives on the same honeymoon

Some men are not pleasant. Remember this - man who took his wife and mistress on same holiday to same hotel.

She told the [News of the World ] that he later put her up in the same hotel as his wife and their young child when the family went on holiday to Spain’s Costa de la Luz. ‘Michael hatched this plan,’ she said. ‘He paid for everything. Every evening at 5pm he’d shake out his towel by the pool. This signal meant he was heading for the beach and I was to follow. He used to leave Yvette late at night saying he was going for a stroll then dash to my room and make love.’

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3059966/SEBASTIAN-SHAKESPEARE-Moneybags-Mansfield-wife-No-2.html

There's a certain kind of person that thinks this sort of behaviour is ok.

Love the idea that you could actually develop an amicable relationship with him for the future, keep a relationship going with your kids, secure a relationship with any future grandchildren too (and maybe their share of any inheritance, as that is a pragmatic consideration). Strategic friendliness.

You all becoming reasonably amicable is going to drive her nuts with jealousy.

Also - do you think they are following you all on social media, if you have it? I'd be going all out on the family days out, dinners, nights in the pub, trips ... All those things he's missing.

Think the life he could have been living with you, rather than dwelling on the idea that she's living yours.

I have a very nasty revenge-based streak, I find.

You all becoming reasonably amicable is going to drive her nuts with jealousy

What horrible advice. Firstly why is this woman the focus of retribution? And secondly the suggestion that anyone lives in a particular way in order to piss off someone else is so unhealthy,.

OP should be living her life with absolutely no regard to her ex and his current wife. She shouldn't give them any mental space whatsoever. Let alone embarking on a life of slow 'vengeance'.

He’s an adult. He’s choosing not to see the kids. Not not being allowed.

I fell into the trap of that mindset a couple of times with my ex. It’s his choice. She can’t physically stop him seeing his children. He’s choosing not to.

When a man married his mistress he creates a vacancy.

I wish this tedious misogynistic cobblers would just die a death already.

Not necessarily true though, is it?

You’ve echoed my thoughts better than I could write them.

Also - do you think they are following you all on social media, if you have it? I'd be going all out on the family days out, dinners, nights in the pub, trips ... All those things he's missing.

Why would he be missing something he chose to leave?

This isn’t revenge this is just pathetic.

Just move on

He’s doing what now 😂🫢

I really doubt she will be jealous of the op. I’m not sure you’ve a nasty revenge based streak, maybe more an active imagination.

he’ll Do the same again one day, then you get your satisfaction

my exh’s OW (who he went off with while I was pregnant with our first dc, his idea to have a baby by the way) rang me to tell me what he done, she got hysterical laughter, and a short, well you now know what it feels like,

took about twenty years I suppose, not proud of feeling the way I did but it felt well good!

Well that's messed up. You're satisfied that your cheating ex got more cheating sex? The one who was actually married to you?

He's 56 and I think she is about 37. She's not English and has few friends so she rarely lets my ex see our kids, or if she does allow it, she comes along!
If your life was living with a much older man with a history of cheating, totally reliant on him for company, in a foreign country with cultural and language issues making it much harder to find friends, get a job, or take your child to the doctor's etc., then be glad that someone else has taken it over for you. Nice holidays don't make that kind of life satisfying.

It took me a few years to accept that my old future was not my future any more. Building a new life has helped a great deal.

Why post 'This' as if that sop is definitive. It really isn't and when posters type these trite things as if their some sort of truism, it's quite unkind really. It's of the same ilk as 'married their mistress, vacancy', schtick. Goldsmith to whom that twattish quote is attributed to, isn't somebody I would look to for guidance or ever want to quote.

My ex is better suited to his new wife (of 20 odd years). I very much doubt she's looking over her shoulder and it's not something I would be hoping for her either.

PP is right, having been 'the wife' doesn't mark a woman as having had to give up her life as it was. I read the relationships board sometimes and don't recognise the doom. OP (and many others) no longer have a cheating husband to take care of, they have potential and full lives to live from the moment they're free; heartbreak notwithstanding - that doesn't last forever.

That's my opinion but I wouldn't have found the meaningless tropes being spouted either helpful or soothing, because they're mostly wrong and deep down, most women know that.

Eh?

She's satisfied the woman who cheated with him, got cheated on by him.

And only those worthy of sainthood wouldn't be.

So the one who actually cheated on her gets more cheating sex, and this is a good thing. Cheating men are actually just agents of justice for erring women, even ones who weren't committed. She deserves heartbreak, he deserves more cheating sex.

I don't know why I still show up this weapon level misogyny. There are none so blind as those who hold women responsible for cheating, lying men and glorify in men continuing to be shits.

This, by the way, is why you'll never get peace. Because you'll never, ever put the blame where it belongs.

I don’t understand how she’s “living your life”. Other than being with your ex it sounds like you have nothing in common.

You really need to put some distance between yourself and what has happened. You say you’d never be with him again but why are you looking backwards? Surely in five years you’ve done things in your life, made memories, built relationships etc. that you’re proud of that you’d never have done with him. Why aren’t you focusing on your new life?

If he’d never left you for her you certainly wouldn’t be raising a young child right now, and would you even want to be?!? You’re comparing lives that just can’t be compared. I struggle to think you were gloriously happy with him, so what would your life even look like. Pretty bleak by the sounds of it.