Calling out daughter in law

[Diggin]

AIBU my daughter in law expects my son to do all the housework and be primary carer for their two young children 1 and 3. They both work but she has the better paying job. I find myself having to bite my lip when we visit as she treats him like her skivvy. I’m sure my son allows this as his previous partner took their child went back to her parents and refused him access for years until he git a court order and even then did her best to prevent them having any kind of relationship. Should I say something or just continue to bite my lip?

plus she has made it impossible for my son to see his first child

Oh dear.

This is what I’ve done up to now and I am proud of my son and what he went through to have a relationship with his first child despite that partner and her parents bullying and selfish behaviour towards him. It’s just difficult especially as they live a long way away from us.

You wouldn’t be posting this if DIL did everything around the house and your DS was the high earner.

Yep

So you know a lot about the minutiae of their everyday lives despite living a long way from them.

Also just comes across like you have it it for any of your son’s partners TBH.

Many men like to pretend to their family and new wives that the ex was psycho and won’t allow him to see the kids, to save face. An excuse as old as the hills. Often, when they do take the ex to court, it’s at the insistence of parents or a new wife who they want to look good for.

Abandoning the kids of a previous marriage because he can’t/won’t do more due to the new batch of kids is not uncommon either.

I doubt it’s the case (maybe jog works out like that when you’re there because you’re critical and she wants to be out of the way when you’re there), but if it is, what is so wrong about taking care of his own kids and home???

Ask yourself, would you have a problem if he spent that time out doing a sport?

Please stop the sexism. Often it’s the older generation of women perpetuating misogyny, it’s so ugly, not to mention ignorant in that you’re shooting your own self in the foot, stop it!

You’re well on your way to becoming excluded by this family and I wouldn’t blame them.

Not your house, not your kids, stay out of it.

I thought it was the ex who made it impossible for your son to see his first child? Now it's your current daughter in law. Confused...

Stay out of it or speak to your son privately. They will end up cutting you out of their lives otherwise

Likely that was first, now he’s got access his new wife is making it difficult. That’s now I read it

Sounds like they’ve already moved far far away…

We’re getting the measure of this guy, AND his mum.

Mothers like these producing spoiled entitled man children.

What does him doing “everything” for the house snd kids entail exactly? What do you consider too much?

Disgusted by a man pushing his child in a pram? What the fuck? I’d be disgusted by that mindset.

I bet he was in agreement with Piers Morgan when he attempted to ridicule Daniel Craig, calling him ‘emasculated’, for wearing his newborn in a carrier…

It really depends. Do you want to be cast out of their lives forever?

This really isn’t a generational thing. It’s a Thick As Shit thing.

So how can your son be a primary carer if he's at work and she's on maternity leave? Are the children in childcare full time and she is sitting home watching Netflix?
Or you meant that she's taking care of a baby and toddler full time and your son helps out when he's at home?

Op - so she's on maternity leave, he works a full time job and even so he's still the primary carer?

Op, you're getting the incredulous responses, because no one believes it, because nobody has ever experienced a situation where the man does everything and has been so very unlucky with women, twice.

If you want people to believe you, and thus give actual advice on how to help, you will have to breakdown exactly who does what and how you know who does what.
Because women on mumsnet have met tens of thousands of useless men with mothers who think their sons are gods gift, and are projecting accordingly.

@Carpediemmakeitcount
Yo say partner - are you seriously saying you stayed with this man after he said that?!?

You’re sounding worse, OP.

So both your former and your current DILs are somehow preventing your precious son from seeing his first child? Both of these nasty women… really? He’s not at fault at all.

And she’s on maternity leave? Perhaps she had a terrible birth, her mental health is suffering, perhaps her husband just wants to look after her or perhaps, when you’re there, he just performs the cynical role of ‘active pursuer of domestic endeavours around the home’, which so many men switch on when their family is there and switch off immediately afterwards.

Either way, you need to keep out of it, and stop seeing your little prince as someone who can do no wrong.

No need to be confused! It's both women's fault OP's darling son and apple of her eye, who never did anything wrong in his life, is prevented from spending time with his oldest child.

😂 fancy that. Have you ever liked any of his partners?

I can see why you might say that but the reality was very different first time round and his partner and her family were bullying narcissists. We supported them for two years after baby was born gave them plenty of space but her parents never supported the relationship and eventually she ran back to mummy

On second thoughts, perhaps send a text/e-mail. How about:

“Dear DIL,

I have been meaning to say for a while that you seem to be a bit of a lazy cow. You seem to use every excuse under the sun (stressful job, main earner, frazzled mum of two tiny tots) to treat my precious DS as a skivvy to the point where he even has to change nappies and babysit his own kids sometimes.

Let me remind you that DS is from a proud line of penis-bearers and I do not appreciate your attempts to drag him kicking and screaming into the 21st century. He already did more than enough when helping you to conceive in the first place and the rest is on you.

From this point, please could you do all of the housework and childcare as well as your job, as is your birthright as a member of the inferior sex. When you have a minute, could you also please make arrangements to facilitate DS’ relationship with his previous DC as you were no doubt complicit in creating them too.

Your concerned MIL,

OP”

HTH

I thought the same. Such rude comments on here.
There are ways of saying things which still show respect for another’s view. Be kind.

Please don't interfere - my mother interfered in every aspect of my life, gave me a breakdown and I ended up cutting her out of my life. Leave them to it, it works for them and it's none of your business.