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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Do you think mums of boys treat their partners differently to mums of daughters? My mother-in-law is so cold!

157 replies

Flutterby10 · 16/10/2023 09:00

I don’t know what it it but my mother in law is really cold towards me. On the other hand my mum is just her normal talkative self around my partner.

My mother in law has 2 sons. I’m now not sure what is wrong really. Well apart form the fact she doesn’t like me much. We spend equal time. Not that I want to spend time with her as she doesn’t talk to me, it’s very awkward. She doesn’t even offer me a drink. She will often say who would like a tea and I’ll say yes please. She will then not make anything.

Why do they act like this? Surely it’s nice to happy and accepting as that makes a nice happy family atmosphere. I have a 11 month old and I am getting to the point I don’t want to visit if they don’t like me and act like this in front of my daughter.

OP posts:
Shortbread49 · 19/10/2023 06:13

Mine are the other way round my mother in law was lovely to me my mum has never been interested and doesn’t miss the opportunity to be mean to me. I get greeted at the door with a glare and oh it’s you

Original poster
Flutterby10 · 19/10/2023 09:53

Well at least I know I’m not going mad as my own mum said to me what’s up with ’s mum is she always like this.

I said after leaving my abusive marriage I would never let anyone treat me badly again and I’d make a nice life for myself and my older daughter. She doesn’t treat my older daughter as well as her grandkids either (which I don’t expect) she’s been in their lives since she was really young. I guess some people are just not really that nice. I’m fortunate my partner accepted us for who we are, he’s very kind and gentle and has help me provide a safe life for us.

OP posts:
Bertiesmum3 · 20/10/2023 17:43

Flutterby10 · 16/10/2023 09:36

@AttilaTheMeerkat she is very controlling. It’s always on her say. My partner has been literally begging her to help with the baby as in the beginning I had an awful birth, blood transfusions etc. She actually booked a holiday. He had to cope alone and he found it so hard to deal with me sick and a new baby, I could hear him vomiting in the bathroom. My mum took my older daughter for 2 weeks even though she is unwell with M.S…. his mum went on holiday.

Hes asked her so many times if she would take the baby overnight so we could have a break, always sorry I don’t know what I’ve got planned. She can hate me but she is hurting him, he really doesn’t see it thought, just says aww that’s just my mum.

IF she’s as bad as you’re making her look out to be, why would you even want her to look after your children??

YerArseInParsley · 24/10/2023 06:49

Flutterby10 · 18/10/2023 15:29

Perhaps but I’ve turned to mine for support and met with nothing. I’d love for her to be a potential friend but she won’t even great me we a hello how are you. I took them all lunch round the other day as partner was helping with something and none of them had eaten. I mean she ate the food but not so much as a thanks. I put the food down and said I thought you’d all like something to eat, she didn’t even look at me.

If you going to push yourself out you will end up being left out.

@Flutterby10

Omg why are you still going there? Stop going round fgs. You are now just putting yourself in that situation.

Don't say they needed feeding, they are old enough to feed themselves. There is nothing anyone can say that will make you stand up and take action, you've got to do something about it yourself. If you aren't going to say something to her then what's the point of this whole thread? This is your life forever. I'm sorry to be blunt but I'm reading through and what I'm seeing is someone that refuses to stand up for themselves but will still put themselves in the situation of being ignored.

You need to grow a backbone.

Holly60 · 24/10/2023 08:03

No. My MIL had sons and she was just such an utter delight. So warm and welcoming and always chatty.

I loved her and miss her terribly

vistardelsol · 24/10/2023 08:06

Haven’t read all the responses but my MIL was horrible to me. With hindsight, a lot of this stemmed from her own frustration I think - she was jealous of our urban, career-driven lives and was struggling with ageing and the menopause.

I could just about handle the snippiness but when she started blaming me for toxic issues within her own immediate family (including a row DH had with his sibling that I wasn’t present for and didn’t know about 😂) thing, I went NC. Massive relief but hard for DH. Ultimately though, you have one life - don’t waste it on people who treat you badly xx

vistardelsol · 24/10/2023 08:08

Also - silver lining, I have two sons of my own and I’m determined to be the loveliest MIL on earth when the time comes!

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