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Original poster

How soon did you sleep with someone?

126 replies

Cherriesandstrawberries · 15/10/2023 20:35

I’m going on a 2nd and 3rd date next weekend, two nights in a row with same guy. I know everyone has different opinions of when to do the deed but I’m thinking the 3rd date
if it goes well?

Wondering others opinion if that’s too soon? Or how soon did others? We’re both late 30’s and looking for a relationship…

OP posts:
ALargeChardonnayPlease · 16/10/2023 10:47

Everyone is different, I'd go as fast or as slow depending on what feels most comfortable

Slept with DH on our first date and we're still happily married 12 years later!

Oganesson118 · 16/10/2023 10:55

Think it was about two weeks in. We were housemates when we met so can't really count it in terms of dates, we saw each other every day anyway.

IhateHPSDeaneCnt · 16/10/2023 11:02

First date - and I thought my 'lady parts' had been sealed up by horrible ex. Been together ever since and married (counts fingers, toes etc) well over 20 years.

omgz · 16/10/2023 11:49

I have absolutely no time for the sexist double standards underpinning the idea that women should hold back on having sex if they want to be considered relationship material. Any man that thinks that is not someone I would be compatible with.

Instead, I think it’s better to assess it on how it will make you feel if things don’t work out. Some people would be upset if they slept with someone and it didn’t turn into a serious relationship. If that’s you, then you have to be a bit more cautious about it. Not to manage what he thinks of you, but to make sure you are comfortable.

Personally, that doesn’t bother me so there’s no risk to me having sex with someone on a first date. I’ve had long-term relationships with really lovely men after sex on the first date, as well as some really fun one night stands.

vegsoup · 16/10/2023 11:52

Me and my partner slept together before any "official" dates, we'd been talking almost everyday and seen each other in group settings quite a few times though, maybe 3/4 weeks total.

I'd probably wait a little longer if we were to date nowadays though!

beatrix1234 · 16/10/2023 11:56

My rule of thumb is if I don’t see any “potential” I’ll bed him right away (assuming he’s hot that is), if I see relationship potential I want to be cautious, slow, get to know him a bit before I start segregating oxytocin with this guy and bond so I tend to wait a month while we date. I used to sleep with they guy on the third date and life experience has taught me that’s a mistake.

Deargodletitgo · 16/10/2023 12:28

Third date, two dinners out then he was invited around for me as dessert.

Been together 18 months

onawave · 16/10/2023 12:40

First time we slept together was 8 years before our first date.

StarlightLady · 16/10/2023 12:48

On a similar thread l was told that they had names for girls like me when they were at school. Yep! We were happy girls!

gannett · 16/10/2023 13:02

About five hours after first meeting DP at a party. He's still here 10 years later.

There are no rules except to have sex when you actually want to. I've tended to be a "sooner rather than later" type and it's served me well. If you want to wait a week, a month, a year, then do that.

Every single rule about when to have sex takes women's autonomy over their own desire out of their hands and into someone else's, either overthinking about what men will think of you or judging you according to made-up social standards.

ToxicPoppy · 16/10/2023 13:48

Last partner was about 5 dates. Current one about 2 hours, but we’ve known each other years, have, it appears, both fancied each other forever, but always thought the other wasn’t interested, and haven’t both been single at the same time before. So it was a long time coming 😂

TiredMamOfTwo · 16/10/2023 13:50

The first night with my DH.

Still married 16 years later. 😂

To be fair before that I held off for months.

Bowbobobo · 16/10/2023 15:40

Second date with first love, XH and DP. Wild horses wouldn’t have stopped me! Never a first date though since I was 18 or so as it did not make me feel good

CopperLion · 16/10/2023 21:03

I have waited both minutes and months. Funnily enough, I think the earlier the sex, the stronger the relationship has been, because it’s an indicator of the strength of chemistry. In the end that’s the biggest deal breaker for me.

long-winded way of saying: whenever feels right for you.

C1N1C · 16/10/2023 21:12

I was watching a podcast (I'm bored a lot)... and I remember a comment...

Why is it that people (I'm keeping this generic) will sleep with players etc on the first night or two. But make the ones they actually care about wait weeks or months?

...I.e. why do many people make someone they like actually work for it, but give it away for free to someone they have no real interest in?

BananaSlug · 16/10/2023 21:13

C1N1C · 16/10/2023 21:12

I was watching a podcast (I'm bored a lot)... and I remember a comment...

Why is it that people (I'm keeping this generic) will sleep with players etc on the first night or two. But make the ones they actually care about wait weeks or months?

...I.e. why do many people make someone they like actually work for it, but give it away for free to someone they have no real interest in?

How would you know if they actually care about you after the first night or two though? 😕 and I don’t sleep with players on the first night either tbh

Daftasabroom · 16/10/2023 21:13

First date, now married close to 25 years.

C1N1C · 16/10/2023 21:23

BananaSlug · 16/10/2023 21:13

How would you know if they actually care about you after the first night or two though? 😕 and I don’t sleep with players on the first night either tbh

Show quote history

I guess the answer there is that a serious person will stick around for nights 3, 4 and 5 onwards :).

cloudnine13 · 16/10/2023 21:24

Went on first date with DH then a 2nd one a few days later, slept with him then & never left the flat 😂

BananaSlug · 16/10/2023 21:25

C1N1C · 16/10/2023 21:23

I guess the answer there is that a serious person will stick around for nights 3, 4 and 5 onwards :).

Show quote history

Hmm no I think men will stick around if they are after just sex either way and someone that cares about you wouldn’t mind waiting till you’re ready but just my personal opinion

C1N1C · 16/10/2023 21:32

BananaSlug · 16/10/2023 21:25

Hmm no I think men will stick around if they are after just sex either way and someone that cares about you wouldn’t mind waiting till you’re ready but just my personal opinion

Show quote history

But that's my point... many people (not you!), are quite happy to have one-night stands... which is essentially giving the goods to people unworthy of LTRs... yet make the nice ones actually work for it, as you've said you would.

SaveMeFromMyBoobs · 16/10/2023 21:33

Courtesy of microperforate hymen I never had penetrative sex with one partner (tbh, should have taken his lack of engagement and patience with the dilator treatment as a red flag earlier). Trying probably gave me a touch of vaginismus and things got worse rather than better.

Next partner we'd been friends for a a few years beforehand. He was someone who made me just so ridiculously comfortable and feel so safe. He helped me work through the treatment and my anxiety over the pain. Within a month we were having penetrative sex, no pain. Don't think we ever went on a formal date until afterwards. He's now my DH.

No right or wrong. It's all about the person.

EBearhug · 17/10/2023 00:53

Why is it that people (I'm keeping this generic) will sleep with players etc on the first night or two. But make the ones they actually care about wait weeks or months?

I don't. A fair few one night stands, but current one is several months in, and I waited about long enough to close the front door before we went to bed on first meeting. He might have just been a ONS, but he turns out to be utterly awesome (IMO.)

Obviously that only tells you about me, not anyone else.

StarlightLady · 17/10/2023 05:41

I’ve replied previously. To sum up, l was never a girl to hang about (girl? Huh! I’m in my 40s!), l don’t see there is any benefit. But l’m puzzled about comments relating to “giving” sex to someone.

Sex should be about passion, chemistry and shared. Not a donation!

PaintedEgg · 17/10/2023 05:56

sex is not a cake - you don't give it to someone and you won't run out of it, so no need to hold back for the sake of holding back

I slept with my husband on the first date and although we knew each other before we were not close friends or anything. Just fancied him for his looks and I've made no secret of it 😅