Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

How soon did you sleep with someone?

126 replies

Cherriesandstrawberries · 15/10/2023 20:35

I’m going on a 2nd and 3rd date next weekend, two nights in a row with same guy. I know everyone has different opinions of when to do the deed but I’m thinking the 3rd date
if it goes well?

Wondering others opinion if that’s too soon? Or how soon did others? We’re both late 30’s and looking for a relationship…

OP posts:
Tilllly · 15/10/2023 20:56

Iamuhtredsonofuhtred · 15/10/2023 20:40

Half an hour? I’m maybe not the best person to ask….

🤣🤣🤣 that long?!

Original poster
Cherriesandstrawberries · 15/10/2023 20:58

@AMuser the 3rd night is an event and probably wouldn’t do much talking so he asked if we can meet the night before too, for dinner and be able to get to know each other more

OP posts:
Original poster
Cherriesandstrawberries · 15/10/2023 21:03

I think I’ll probably say that I’d like us to only be dating each other, if all is still good on date 3 and we’re wanting to be intimate.

I can’t date several people at once and I think he deleted the app a while ago due to getting tired of it (we’ve been talking for about 6 weeks)

OP posts:
Londonscallingme · 15/10/2023 21:05

Iamuhtredsonofuhtred · 15/10/2023 20:40

Half an hour? I’m maybe not the best person to ask….

😂😂😂

Londonscallingme · 15/10/2023 21:08

You’re a fully grown adult, not a teenager. If you want to and you get the right vibe from him, go for it, if you don’t, don’t. Anyone who thinks badly of you either because you hop into bed on the first date, or indeed because you want to wait for months, is not worth your time. I hope the dates go well and you gave a wonderful time!

edit to add - I fell into bed with my current partner on our first date and we’re coming up to 10 years together, we’ve got a toddler and I’m 34 weeks pregnant.

WtP · 15/10/2023 21:09

If it had been up to my girlfriend our first date!
I really did fancy it but felt it would be better on our second date with less time pressure.
She actually said thanks for not giving in to her as she felt it was much nicer a few days later 😊

Pinkshoppingbag · 15/10/2023 21:09

Everyone's different. I waited probably 2 months with DH.

mildlydispeptic · 15/10/2023 21:11

I reckon the right time is when it feels right to you, whether that's 6 months or 30 minutes.

Cric · 15/10/2023 21:14

It was the second or third date with my now husband. Been married nearly 12 years

lincolngirl1097 · 15/10/2023 21:16

First date. Been together 2.5 years x

caringcarer · 15/10/2023 21:16

I waited 5 weeks with my now DH. I was separated from first h but not divorced at the time. After 5 weeks we went away for the weekend. Worth waiting for.

Devilsmommy · 15/10/2023 21:41

With my DH I waited 3 days. If you want to then just go for it, stop over analysing and do what feels right for you. Enjoy your date😁

Fluffypiki · 15/10/2023 21:46

Iamuhtredsonofuhtred · 15/10/2023 20:40

Half an hour? I’m maybe not the best person to ask….

Is that a friends reference? 😂

Proseccoagain · 15/10/2023 21:46

With my first serious boyfriend, probably about a year - this was the 1960s, and it was a really big thing to even contemplate, and attitudes to pre-marital sex were so different. We split up about three years later - he cheated!
Then had a couple of brief flings on the rebound, sex within a week!
After that met DH, and it was probably about 4 weeks after our first date.
Have never slept with anyone else since, he died 5 years ago, and we were together 49 years.

SauvignonBlanche · 15/10/2023 21:46

I decided one was a keeper so waited until 2nd date.
That was 30 years ago. 😁

GigiAnnna · 15/10/2023 21:50

I slept with DH first night. I wouldn't have normally planned that when looking for a serious relationship, but I was just looking for casual sex, we realised we really liked each other and the rest was history. Generally speaking though I think you can risk the relationship becoming just sex based if it happens too soon, but it depends.

Toomanyanimalz · 15/10/2023 22:01

I’ve pretty much always slept with someone on the first date if I’ve liked them. Has literally made zero difference to my/their interest in pursuing a relationship. And tbh if someone would think less of me for doing something they clearly also wanted to too, then that’s not someone I’m interested in being with anyway. I’d say do what feels right on the day

USaYwHatNow · 15/10/2023 22:04

1st date. Been together 7yrs married 4

BeyondMyWits · 15/10/2023 22:14

3rd date... but, first date he literally slept with me at mine. Period came on and I was flooding and aching, so we had an old fashioned chaste sleepover... second date was Easter sunday lunch where I met his parents, grandparents, siblings, aunts, uncles and cousins... 26 years ago.

Goldfishonabike · 15/10/2023 22:16

When you feel like it! After 10 dates, a year or one hour. Every scenario is different. Just do what you fancy. Has no impact on how the relationship unfolds, reality isn’t a teenage Hollywood flick.

SallyWD · 15/10/2023 22:17

I'm very unusual. It was about 4 months for me! But I'd say just follow your gut instinct and do it when it feel right.

EveryOtherNameTaken · 15/10/2023 22:29

First date with DP.

If it's going to work out it makes no difference how quick or long you wait.

Do when and because you're ready and want to!!

Toohardtofindaproperusername · 15/10/2023 22:35

Any "should" in relation to what you do with your own body is ridiculous. You are consenting adults. Do what you like.

BananaSlug · 15/10/2023 22:38

I have had sex for a long time so it certainly won’t be on the first date or even 3rd.. each to their own though I know plenty of people that have slept with men on the first date and never heard from them again to even out those that married the man they slept with on the first date many more will also disappear…

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 16/10/2023 00:42

Cherriesandstrawberries · 15/10/2023 20:41

Yes probably overthinking it and would quite like to soon 😂

It won't make a difference on whether it becomes a relationship in my experience. If he ghosts soon after he was always planning to do that and is he likes you it won't put him off waiting a couple more dates (as long as you make it clear you do fancy him
And are intersted in him
Romantically)

But don't sleep with him yet if in your head it makes you bf gf or committed

Swipe left for the next trending thread