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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Daughters bf touched me inappropriately

177 replies

Funnierthantheaveragemum · 13/10/2023 16:28

after my grand baby was born, I began to notice his daddy was a bit more tactile to me than I was comfortable with. This man is a great dad and good to my dd. Dh and I, all the family are very fond of him.
There have been half a dozen or so times when he has lingered longer than needed to take the baby from my arms, or when he was on my lap he stroked the inside of my thigh. Each time it happened I felt sick. It was very triggering for me. I eventually called him and told him, I said something like, he probably didn’t mean to be this way but it was making me very uncomfortable. He apologised profusely and said he didn’t have any idea what I was talking about but he was so so sorry that I was upset. I told him it was fine and obviously a misunderstanding, I was relieved this was the case and said I felt it best for us all to move on and my dd and my dh did not need to know, as I felt it was now dealt with. Anyway dd called me up, he told her. He was very upset, dd was very upset too obviously and said she had no doubt in her head he did not mean anything by it at all. She couldn’t understand why I hadn’t said to her right away, I told her I was trying to not hurt her, that I felt I was in a horrible position and would do anything not to hurt her, I had felt the best thing was to speak to him direct. I told my dh and he completely agreed I had done the right thing. He totally understood where I was coming from and the love for our dd was uppermost and we didn’t want her to be hurt, but I also had to be true to myself. He backed me completely. My relationship with dd is in tatters. She has told me today she resents me for this, she agrees she has not been very nice to me since and feels I should cut her some slack because of what I have put them through…… I feel
I am going mad. What else could I/ should I have done? Obviously she knows her partner far better than I do but I believe I had to stand up for myself. I feel today I have lost everyone. My dd my dgc.

OP posts:
Gloriously · 25/10/2023 11:17

‘Plausible Deniability’ - that’s what he was up to - just under the radar enough to confuse you - and then flips out doing the DARVO when exposed.

You have handled it perfectly he expects you to lose the plot so he can point at the crazy unhinged lady.

Remain dignified and calm - that will freak him out and will mean that you don’t inadvertently hand him the bullets to shoot you with.

I am sorry that he has done this to you with your history that he knows about. Shows the pure malicious intent.

Brilliant that your DH and you are shoulder to shoulder on this and won’t fall for any of his traps and gaslighting to drive a wedge with your DD and isolate her from you.

KOKO it must be tough to know what you are now dealing with.

porridgeisbae · 25/10/2023 11:22

Why on earth would you say this?? You have no idea how I look, my age or anything about me?? So on top of all the horrible emotions that I’ve experienced with this I’ve now got to see this?? Maybe think before you say such ridiculous things

I didn't mean anything offensive OP I just mean some men are sharks, predators who obviously have no morals. And some of them sadly can maybe sense when someone's had previous negative experiences. Or maybe not but either way there are some awful people in this world who will do anything. That's all I meant.

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