Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Not sure if I'm over reacting.

181 replies

CinnamonSwirl82 · 08/10/2023 16:39

I have a close friend round for the weekend. We were supposed to go for a weekend away but I've just come out of the hospital and I'm too ill to leave the house.

I managed to stay up until 10.30pm last night but went to bed and left DH and friend drinking/chatting. Fully trusted them both, done it before, not a problem. She was sat on the other end of the L shaped sofa to him when I left.

Woke up at 4am and he's still not in bed. Went downstairs and they're cuddled up on the sofa fast asleep. Blankets have been thrown behind the sofa; the ones I tucked my friend up in before I went to bed.

I'm so hurt. They insist nothing happened but nothing adds up as to why they'd be cuddled up. She said DH offered her a hug as they'd been discussing her abusive relationship and she got upset (completely fine), but what's not fine is them still being cuddled up like a couple to the point they fell asleep.

She's sobering up then driving home but I've been in bed all day avoiding them. DH keeps coming up to apologise and to ask if I want anything but I just don't want to see them.

I'm wondering if I'm being an absolute drama queen being so upset by this.

OP posts:
GonnaGetGoingReturns · 08/10/2023 17:42

Louise303 · 08/10/2023 17:11

I am sorry she would not be a friend anymore there is no way I would of let her stay all day.

Nothing wrong with her staying all day and even overnight.

Everything wrong with them falling asleep cuddling after a hug.

WillyWonkaBlues · 08/10/2023 17:45

How awful! And utterly unacceptable. If I found my husband like this with anyone let alone my good friend, it’d be over.

EggTheParrot · 08/10/2023 17:45

@CinnamonSwirl82 you are not unreasonable at all

Firebug007 · 08/10/2023 17:47

Wouldn't see this friend again, not acceptable, whether I forgave the BF or not can't say from what you've said but cards would certainly be marked. You're not overreacting no matter what either way 💐

Firebug007 · 08/10/2023 17:49

BetterWithPockets · 08/10/2023 17:12

OP, I can see why you’d be upset but I can also see that it might have been innocent — I mean, they’d be pretty bloody stupid to fall asleep like that if anything was going on, wouldn’t they?

You clearly have very low standards in relationships and really shouldn't be giving others advice, sorry.

Louise303 · 08/10/2023 17:50

I meant all day to sober up after finding them together.

Original poster
CinnamonSwirl82 · 08/10/2023 17:54

Louise303 · 08/10/2023 17:50

I meant all day to sober up after finding them together.

It's over a 2hr drive home. I'd be very reckless to allow a drunk driver on the road, especially for the innocents that would be hurt if she were to crash

OP posts:
Ollifer · 08/10/2023 17:57

Nah fuck that I'd be chucking a bucket of water over them both and telling them both to sod off. Staying up all night wrapped around eachother on the sofa while you're upstairs?? That is beyond taking the piss and I wouldn't be pussy footing around telling them both how inappropriate they are

Original poster
CinnamonSwirl82 · 08/10/2023 17:58

I feel like my life is completely falling apart 😭

OP posts:
Wendysfriend · 08/10/2023 18:03

Sorry but two people don't pass out mid hug.

Scottishskifun · 08/10/2023 18:05

I can understand why your upset I would be pretty pissed off too but I don't think I would lose my husband over a drunken cuddle and pass out would it have bothered you if it was a male friend of your husbands?

Original poster
CinnamonSwirl82 · 08/10/2023 18:10

Scottishskifun · 08/10/2023 18:05

I can understand why your upset I would be pretty pissed off too but I don't think I would lose my husband over a drunken cuddle and pass out would it have bothered you if it was a male friend of your husbands?

No, but it wasn't necessarily a female friend of his either.

All hell would've broke loose if I'd have pulled something like that with one of his male friends, or my friends boyfriend. Also... I wouldn't because I'd deem it cheating.

OP posts:
ginasevern · 08/10/2023 18:11

@CinnamonSwirl82

She's after your DH and he is more than willing to oblige. I personally wouldn't be over enthusiastic about him comforting her in front of me, especially if they don't have that sort of connection, but this is way out of line. Bin them both. Sorry you aren't well. You must be so upset.

cassy16 · 08/10/2023 18:14

His bags would be packed and going back with her totally inappropriate

Original poster
CinnamonSwirl82 · 08/10/2023 18:16

ginasevern · 08/10/2023 18:11

@CinnamonSwirl82

She's after your DH and he is more than willing to oblige. I personally wouldn't be over enthusiastic about him comforting her in front of me, especially if they don't have that sort of connection, but this is way out of line. Bin them both. Sorry you aren't well. You must be so upset.

I was told they suspect endometrial cancer. Waiting for my biopsy. This has really just come at the worst time.

OP posts:
ginasevern · 08/10/2023 18:23

@CinnamonSwirl82

Oh my lovely, I am so sorry. Your DH is a complete shit. Knowing that you are ill and worried sick about the results and then to cuddle another woman! I feel angry for you. Pack his bags, you don't need this sort of betrayal in your life right now (or ever for that matter). Sending you hugs and strength.

Phleghm · 08/10/2023 18:24

I'm so sorry OP. I'd never forgive any kind of affair but I can sort of understand getting caught up in a physical thing that happens in the moment. To fall asleep in someone's arms is so much more emotionally intimate than a quick shag.

Freeme31 · 08/10/2023 18:24

She is NOT your friend ! You should tell her how you fee& tell her it's the end of your friendship - then sort out your marriage- your husband sounds awful did he also discuss your personal illness with her No real friend would do this to an ill friend. Get rid. I don't think it's a marriage breaker but time to reset boundaries- id also keep an eye on them they might meet in secret

Original poster
CinnamonSwirl82 · 08/10/2023 18:25

ginasevern · 08/10/2023 18:23

@CinnamonSwirl82

Oh my lovely, I am so sorry. Your DH is a complete shit. Knowing that you are ill and worried sick about the results and then to cuddle another woman! I feel angry for you. Pack his bags, you don't need this sort of betrayal in your life right now (or ever for that matter). Sending you hugs and strength.

Thank you. I just don't know how to get through this alone. I feel like I've just lost my DH and best friend at a time I needed them the most.

OP posts:
Malarandras · 08/10/2023 18:26

You are definitely not being dramatic. This is poor behaviour from both of them and I would be very upset too in this situation.

Debini · 08/10/2023 18:26

Just wanted to send love, your dh is completely out of order and so is your friend.

ginasevern · 08/10/2023 18:27

@CinnamonSwirl82

Yes, I'm sorry. I realise it is easy for me to say these things. But, she is definitely not your best friend and he is equally culpable. Do you have any other support?

Original poster
CinnamonSwirl82 · 08/10/2023 18:28

I think what hurts me more is this:

I had a dream last week that I was dying after an unsuccessful surgery. I was unconscious but in my head I was trying to find approval from someone to move on. Everyone kept telling me it was OK to sleep except for DH who cuddled up with me on the sofa and stroked my arms until I was ready.

That's the position I found them in. The only one person I thought genuinely cared about me and loved me... clearly not

OP posts:
Original poster
CinnamonSwirl82 · 08/10/2023 18:29

ginasevern · 08/10/2023 18:27

@CinnamonSwirl82

Yes, I'm sorry. I realise it is easy for me to say these things. But, she is definitely not your best friend and he is equally culpable. Do you have any other support?

Only my mum who lives over an hour away. My dad passed from cancer last year so it's just me and her left

OP posts:
ginasevern · 08/10/2023 18:30

@CinnamonSwirl82

Sounds like it was a premonition. I get them sometimes in dreams. I would not forgive my DH for this and please bin your "friend".