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Original poster

This is how low men's bar for themselves is

227 replies

boundarypushingbastards · 29/09/2023 13:35

So I am just back from a date. Guy seemed really nice when chatting before date, and I was really hopeful. He just seemed like a nice, regular guy. We are both outdoorsy and he suggested a nature walk. I thought this was a great idea. Off we went. Within 15 mins he was like, lets sit down. I did feel a bit 'hmm' as I thought we were doing a walk but ok. So we sit down and he immediately puts his hand on mine. I don't like this as I don't really know him so I move my hand away. He asks me if I want to see him again. I say ' I don't know I have only just met you.' He says he fancies me, I reply, ' You don't actually know me yet'. He asks for a kiss. I say no. He asks three more times whilst moving in closer for a kiss. I give him a firm no each time and by the fourth time I am really pissed off with this boundary ignoring shit and so I stand up and say, ' I've had enough of this.' and start to walk back to my car. He apologises but says, ' In my defence, I didn't actually do anything.'

This has really, really pissed me off. So in his world, because he hasn't actually assaulted me, he's a decent guy and I should give him another chance? Repeatedly ignoring a woman saying, ' No I don't want to', and continually pushing her to relent and using his greater size to move in on her physically, is ok if you don't actually assault her? That's how low his fucking bar is for himself and all men??

Fuck off! We are in our 50s! His other defence was ' Its been a long time I am out of practice'. What? He forgot women were humans with choice and agency in his shagless years? Fuck off!

Oh, and to make it worse, he has two teenage daughters. Is this how he wants men to treat them too?

I'm quite upset. It was a really horrible experience, being ignored and loomed towards like that. Made me feel really dehumanised and really shit.

OP posts:
SamW98 · 01/10/2023 16:09

After not being in dating pool for 30 years I’m actually shocked at the behaviour some men think is acceptable. This isn’t OLD specific, I’ve met men socially who seem very nice at start but very quickly it changes.

I’ve set my bar very high and I won’t tolerate sleazy behaviour, rudeness or being monosyllabic but it’s meant a lot of wasted time and energy and now almost 4 years single without meeting anyone who reaches even the basic minimum. It is soul destroying at times and makes me question whether it’s always been this way and maybe I just struck lucky previously.

Anothagoatthis · 01/10/2023 16:18

Tinybrother · 30/09/2023 17:41

sure. And for people who have to live and work among men, like many women do?

I love this idea that we’re all choosing to “hang out” with shitty men. No, that isn’t what’s happening. But that response tells me everything I need to know about that poster’s opinion

No idea tbh… it was a bit of a tongue in cheek way to say realistically they’re basically unavoidable.

worriedatwork123 · 01/10/2023 16:56

Watchkeys · 30/09/2023 15:43

You're calling people deluded for thinking that there are good men out there.

That's messed up, but if it makes you happy to be so bitter, it's nobody's problem but yours. Nobody is saying that there aren't plenty of shit men out there. Just that you can avoid them without letting it get you down.

what a ridiculous thing to say

you can't avoid the 'bad men' that's kinda the point? they're embedded into our society dressed up as seemingly normal human beings

I can't bear the namalt posts....just makes our societal problems worse

Birthdayblu · 01/10/2023 16:59

Watchkeys · 01/10/2023 15:20

Women like the OP are the ones who have thrown men like the sad individual in her OP back onto the scrap heap

But she's bitter and feeling herself to be victimised. Is she a healthy addition to the dating pool? If she had good self esteem, she wouldn't be here looking for external validation. She would have said 'So long, Jack, you big pile of crap!' and moved on, without needing to talk about how shit men are generally.

I take your point and agree with you to an extent. But what is the remedy for when posters like the OP, myself and others repeatedly encounter poor interactions with potential partners? What do we do when we keep meeting/matching/dealing with crappy Jacks or Jills? Is that not bound to take a sledgehammer to one’s self esteem at some point, and if so, what can we do to address that rather than seeking comfort from threads like this? I’m curious to know what you suggest.

PaintedEgg · 01/10/2023 17:02

I don't think someone needs to be using online dating or ever dating at all to notice that some me are kind of crap - and as usual with bad behaviour, these stand out the most.

There is this strange type of men who think the world revolves around them - it's almost like they cannot imagine that someone may not be interested in them or their opinion. Sure, it's best to avoid them, but you won't know you've met one of them until they already began talking

Watchkeys · 01/10/2023 17:26

But what is the remedy for when posters like the OP, myself and others repeatedly encounter poor interactions with potential partners

Have a break before your self esteem starts to feel bashed, because you're comfortable in yourself without needing a partner.

This is a bit like saying 'Films are crap, the cinema is rubbish.' and expecting the films to improve for you. And then getting bitter when they don't. Just don't go, if you've had enough.

Most people date a whole bunch of people they're not compatible with before meeting someone they want to stick with. There are many shitty people out there. Go at your own pace.

Why would you keep doing something if it started bashing your self esteem? Do you need a man?

TruckerDave · 01/10/2023 19:12

Creepy and not acceptable at all. You totally did the right thing by ending the date then & there. This has also happened to me a couple times when I was dating, women, so it's not predominatly men that do this, and it was a turn off.

Anothagoatthis · 01/10/2023 19:19

TruckerDave · 01/10/2023 19:12

Creepy and not acceptable at all. You totally did the right thing by ending the date then & there. This has also happened to me a couple times when I was dating, women, so it's not predominatly men that do this, and it was a turn off.

Not sure what post you’re replying to but if you mean unwanted advances during a first date I struggle to believe that it happens to (heterosexual) men as much as it happens to the women who date them.

I’d say it very much is predominantly men doing this whether to women or other men.

Loubelle70 · 01/10/2023 19:25

BethDuttonsTwin · 29/09/2023 14:06

He's not "out of practice" at all. He's porn soaked and thinks all women are "up for it". He's probably had some degree of success tbh. On line dating is the Wild West these days and some women will have responded positively to him and his boundary shoving. He knows he can just go home, log onto on line dating and have another "date" tomorrow or even later that day and they'll hopefully be more accommodating to him. It's all just vile really and I would rather be single forever than deal with such people.

This

Gillypie23 · 01/10/2023 19:31

His behaviour is disgusting and predatory.

EmmaEmerald · 01/10/2023 19:39

PaintedEgg · 01/10/2023 17:02

I don't think someone needs to be using online dating or ever dating at all to notice that some me are kind of crap - and as usual with bad behaviour, these stand out the most.

There is this strange type of men who think the world revolves around them - it's almost like they cannot imagine that someone may not be interested in them or their opinion. Sure, it's best to avoid them, but you won't know you've met one of them until they already began talking

Absolutely agree with this
i only have two male friends
I used to think I was just not a man’s woman, as it were but over the years I find they have become more unpleasant and if I’m working with them or networking, I don’t enjoy their company. Best team I ever worked with was all female.

I recently had a neighbour tell me how awful men are and how lucky I am I didn’t marry. It turned out her rant came from recently having two brothers staying as well as dealing with husbands and sons on a daily basis.

I didn’t know what to say so just put a sympathetic face on.

I think online porn is linked. I’m old enough to remember when men had to ask for a top shelf magazine or go to a shop. I think men now expect things from their partners that they might have not have years ago.

StripeyDeckchair · 01/10/2023 20:01

I am extremely angry that this man behaved like this towards you.

Well done for identifying & speaking uo about his behaviour & ending the date.
Feel proud that you did not put up with his advances and walked away - you're a star and deserve far better.
🌼 🌸 🌻 🌹 🏵 🌼

TruckerDave · 01/10/2023 20:04

I was commenting to the OP in general under this thread, why, is that not where its ended up? First post ever btw.
And yes, that's what I meant (i could've worded it better) it happens on both sides, though, alas, i would have to agree it's predominantly males making unwanted illtimed advances however the heading was "Men" so was just pointing out women do it too in my experience.

Ann444 · 01/10/2023 20:14

He sounds like a creep. Even though you're upset, good to hear you're away from him now. No excuse for his behaviour. Old enough to know better. Don't give up on dating though. I'm sure there are decent ppl out there.

Hotbathsrockmyworld · 01/10/2023 20:19

This is disgusting. It reminds me of my husband when he punched the wall next to my face, two separate occasions. And he held be up by my neck against a wall. And shook his fist at my face whilst I was on the floor begging him to leave.
Afterwards and even to this day he will say "I didn't hit you though. And I didn't intend on hitting you" as of that makes it ok then.
I still think of the one on mother's Day. I hid it from my daughter by covering it with a poster and took her to the mother's Day service at my local church. I'm not religious but I've never been more grateful for that church and the sanctuary it gave me.

Widower2014 · 01/10/2023 21:33

That's like the single men saying there are no good women left. A rather judgemental statement unless you have dated every single man on the planet

Loubelle70 · 01/10/2023 21:36

Widower2014 · 01/10/2023 21:33

That's like the single men saying there are no good women left. A rather judgemental statement unless you have dated every single man on the planet

Whats a 'good' woman?

EmmaEmerald · 01/10/2023 22:07

Widower2014 · 01/10/2023 21:33

That's like the single men saying there are no good women left. A rather judgemental statement unless you have dated every single man on the planet

If they mean there's not the type left that they want, that might be the case in a way, if they want a certain type.

Someone I know posted a pic on Twitter of his wife and kids playing on the beach. He literally got hundreds of comments saying "well done, mate".

Because she is very beautiful with a lovely figure and the kids are cute. There's probably not a huge number of women as stunning as that around, so if that's what they want....

It weirded me out a bit to see the number of those comments but, hey, people want what they want.

When a man says "there are no good women left" I am quite confident he doesn't mean that he's dealing with a lot of unpleasant and intimidating women who try to cross his physical boundaries in a coercive way.

Widower2014 · 01/10/2023 22:49

Preferably one who was born a woman

PaintedEgg · 02/10/2023 08:21

i think the main difference is that when women say they are struggling to find a food man they generally mean someone who is honest, loyal and who would not be a sex-pest

when men say there are no good women left they generally mean someone hot, at least 10 years younger, childless and with a well paying job but also willing to be a live-in maid 😅

Loubelle70 · 02/10/2023 08:22

PaintedEgg · 02/10/2023 08:21

i think the main difference is that when women say they are struggling to find a food man they generally mean someone who is honest, loyal and who would not be a sex-pest

when men say there are no good women left they generally mean someone hot, at least 10 years younger, childless and with a well paying job but also willing to be a live-in maid 😅

Yes!

Watchkeys · 02/10/2023 08:28

When a man says "there are no good women left" I am quite confident he doesn't mean that he's dealing with a lot of unpleasant and intimidating women who try to cross his physical boundaries in a coercive way

Well, no, but that's a bit like saying that someone's meal wasn't a 'bad' meal because it wasn't the burnt sausages and dry mash that have been served to you. There are other ways of things being crap. Men and women do things differently. Men are less likely to even say there are no good women left, either because they have the self esteem to be single and not worry themselves about it too much, or because they're not prone to talking about it when they feel low. Women are being encouraged to speak out, men aren't so much, although we know the abuse does happen.

PaintedEgg · 02/10/2023 08:39

Watchkeys · 02/10/2023 08:28

When a man says "there are no good women left" I am quite confident he doesn't mean that he's dealing with a lot of unpleasant and intimidating women who try to cross his physical boundaries in a coercive way

Well, no, but that's a bit like saying that someone's meal wasn't a 'bad' meal because it wasn't the burnt sausages and dry mash that have been served to you. There are other ways of things being crap. Men and women do things differently. Men are less likely to even say there are no good women left, either because they have the self esteem to be single and not worry themselves about it too much, or because they're not prone to talking about it when they feel low. Women are being encouraged to speak out, men aren't so much, although we know the abuse does happen.

and this is why this thread attracted so many men trying to say it's all down to women, "not all men!" and so on...

its also why internet is full of incels and the confidence to be and stay single is why men outnumber women on dating apps

SamW98 · 02/10/2023 09:22

PaintedEgg · 02/10/2023 08:21

i think the main difference is that when women say they are struggling to find a food man they generally mean someone who is honest, loyal and who would not be a sex-pest

when men say there are no good women left they generally mean someone hot, at least 10 years younger, childless and with a well paying job but also willing to be a live-in maid 😅

Abso bloody lutely 🤣🤣

FluffyCatBonzo · 02/10/2023 09:26

By the photos and bios of many men we KNOW that they are self confident enough to be on OLD 😂

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