Relationship ruined by haircut

[spacecadet]

When I last got my haircut it went so wrong that I have been miserable for the last 3 months. During this time I went through a rough patch with my partner and the relationship ended. Since that time he's reached out but the thing that's stopped me reaching back is how I feel about my hair. I actually desperately want him back but I feel so low about myself right now that I just don't feel I can I go there. Our relationship was never straight forward and for a while it was on/off so there's a lot of insecurity there already. Now he's posted something about being somewhere 'surrounded by beautiful women' and it's just made me feel even worse. I know he'll start something with someone else very soon and that will break my heart but I know I'm not able to be with him again when my confidence is on the floor. It'lI take probably another 3 months for my hair to grow long enough again. I suppose I'm wondering if anyone else has experienced this and do they get where I'm coming from? Going back to the hairdresser is out of the question - my trust in all hairdressers is completely shot.

We need to see the haircut first.

Perhaps work on your self esteem before you get back into a relationship

If he’s anything like my current and past DPs, he won’t notice your hair.
Could you get extensions so that you feel better while it grows?
Also maybe a trip to GP as you maybe sound depressed/anxious?

What was your hair like before and what is it like now OP?

My self esteem is fine when I'm happy with my hair. It's the haircut that's the problem but also what does work on your self esteem actually mean here?

Yea, that's way over the top. You focus too much on your hair as being the issue, which shows you are not in the right frame of mind.
On the plus side, even if it is only hair that is stopping you going back to a relationship,that tbh sounded quite crap, at least it serves a purpose.
Don't go back to someone who is shit just because they are fit in your eyes. I've got a past ex I still fancy, but no way would I go there again. Resist the temptation.

It was long and naturally wavy. Now it has far too short layers and is a terrible bob length. Why would anyone think short layers on thick wavy hair is a good idea?? It's hideous.

I bet you still look good. Can you wear it up? Short layers could make nice face framing tendrils with an up do.

Ps I am aware that I’m missing the point rather because your bobbed hair shouldn’t stop you from seeing your ex to see if you can rekindle something. It really shouldn’t.

Mess about with putting it up or using grips/slides/scarfs and give him a call.

It's been cut too short to go up - it'll take about 3 months to get enough length to be able to do that.

The relationship sounds terrible tbh if it boils down to such shallow things but just get some extensions and relax. Easy

Well, that's coming from me not him, so yes I'm the shallow one here but does that work when it's against yourself?

If you want him back, you should tell him so now, not wait while your hair grows.

“I feel so low about myself right now that I just don't feel I can I go there. Our relationship was never straight forward and for a while it was on/off so there's a lot of insecurity there already”. I think this is why some one might ask you to look at your self esteem.. and how you actually felt when you were with him? Try and remember beauty is boring if there’s no substance behind the lipstick.. so find your friends, write a diary, enjoy your life/ hobbies/ career.. there’s more to life than relationships .. freedom is a fine thing too.. and if your hair is Really bothering you, go to the Afro hairdresser dresser.. she ll braid your own hair and you can leave with any locks you like! Wig..,sew in.. whatever! They are amazing!

Hopefully someone deserving of your attention will turn up and not the twat trying to make you jealous!

No, come on. It's just hair. I'm sure it looks pretty or you could style it in some way.

The bigger issue here is your complete lack of self confidence. Definitely don't get back with your ex who's posting about all his beautiful women! Instead take some time to work on developing self esteem.

You are more than just your hair and you deserve a partner who cares about you even if you have a bad haircut, get alopecia, or have cancer treatment.

Hair grows - it really can't be that bad that you're willing to throw a relationship away because of a hair cut?? If so it must have been a pretty crap relationship to begin with!

If your self esteem is shaky enough to be ruined by a hair cut, self esteem is definitely something you definitely need to work on. Instead of focusing on the relationship I’d instead do some work on it. The book overcoming low self esteem by Dr Melanie Fennell is a great place to start and is on the nhs recommended reading list. It’s effectively do it yourself cbt

There has to be things that you can do to it to make it look better until it grows, I think you are lacking in imagination if you can’t find a way.
If your mood and emotions are so dependant on your looks how are you ever going to deal with ageing and loosing some of your looks or even hair!!

I think maybe you are a bit depressed as something like this shouldn’t have such a profound And long lasting effect on your mood.

I have had a couple of bad haircuts over the years and remember being pissed off about them for a couple of days but then you get over it as what other choice do you have, what’s done is done.

Sorry if the above seems harsh

That is not a normal reaction OP. We've all experienced a bad haircut but it doesn't blight our lives. I think you should focus on getting some help to resolve your issues and to understand why it's had such a hugely adverse impact on your life.

I used to do hair modelling for a very well-known brand. I had all sorts or ridiculous cuts. But I do remember one cut that was so bad I couldn't get my act together for a while. Hats. Clips. Dyes, etc, all work to disguise it. BTW. The cut was a shave.

I felt great when I was with him - I felt powerful and in control. So when it came to any issues in the relationship I felt I had a strong negotiating position because I felt wanted. That's all changed now for me and so getting back with him would be unfair to him because it would be like handing him the crap prize at a raffle.

"My self esteem is fine when I'm happy with my hair. It's the haircut that's the problem but also what does work on your self esteem actually mean here?"

It doesn't sound fine.

You should be able to shrug off a bad hair cut. You think it looks better longer. So what? Things will not always be 'perfect', but you will always deserve love and happiness.

Working on your self esteem would involve coming to the realisation that your value is not based on the length of your hair, or any other single feature or aspect of you for that matter.

Do you have an OCD?

No! Hopefully her poor ex boyfriend will quickly manage to find someone who has some real value and not some introspective drama lama who is obsessed with her own hair.

Kindly, your esteem can’t be that strong if a haircut is enough to keep you away from your partner. To work on your self esteem is to love yourself and have self confidence throughout the good and bad.