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Relationships

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Original poster

Relationship ruined by haircut

172 replies

spacecadet · 28/09/2023 23:37

When I last got my haircut it went so wrong that I have been miserable for the last 3 months. During this time I went through a rough patch with my partner and the relationship ended. Since that time he's reached out but the thing that's stopped me reaching back is how I feel about my hair. I actually desperately want him back but I feel so low about myself right now that I just don't feel I can I go there. Our relationship was never straight forward and for a while it was on/off so there's a lot of insecurity there already. Now he's posted something about being somewhere 'surrounded by beautiful women' and it's just made me feel even worse. I know he'll start something with someone else very soon and that will break my heart but I know I'm not able to be with him again when my confidence is on the floor. It'lI take probably another 3 months for my hair to grow long enough again. I suppose I'm wondering if anyone else has experienced this and do they get where I'm coming from? Going back to the hairdresser is out of the question - my trust in all hairdressers is completely shot.

OP posts:

Shoxfordian · 29/09/2023 05:40

There’s more to you than just hair unless you’re Samson and he’s Delilah - stop being pathetic about it

Poudretteite · 29/09/2023 05:49

Get extensions

Meadowfly · 29/09/2023 06:02

I don’t think I’ve ever looked at a woman and thought ‘ what an awful haircut’. Have you, OP?

Teenage boys on the other hand do make some bad choices!!

Covetthee · 29/09/2023 06:22

How old are you OP? i could see why someone’s physical appearance could determine their self worth if they are young and haven’t built up confidence in other areas

however if you are in you’re 30’s and you’re feeling like this, please find some help (dont mean that in a nasty way) work on yourself and stop blaming issues in your life/relationship on minor physical traits

Welshpancake · 29/09/2023 06:34

you need to be kinder to yourself overall. But if you’re finding that hard have fun with your hair, wigs , wraps , extensions if you have the cash.
Focus off man and onto you.
see this as an opportunity to explore how you see yourself and have fun.

FarEast · 29/09/2023 06:34

Hair grows. And hopefully you will also grow (up).

What are you good at doing? Your “looks” are transient but you have a duty to yourself to develop your character, your intellect, your ability to relate to others.

Cakeandcardio · 29/09/2023 06:36

When I was a teenager I got a bad haircut and it totally changed everything about me. I wore my hair up all the time, which I had never done before. 20 years later, I still have anxiety over getting ny hair cut even although my hairdresser now is fab and the bad cut is long gone. So I very much get where you are coming from. I think you need to remind yourself that the hair will grow back. If the relationship is worth salvaging then you must get in touch with your ex. He won't care about your hair as much as you do. Good luck

FarEast · 29/09/2023 06:39

Well, that's coming from me not him, so yes I'm the shallow one here but does that work when it's against yourself?

What are your interests and your hobbies? What drives you? What are you interested in?

You will age. Your hair will grow. You need more than your looks to be an interesting well-rounded person.

Do something new. Stop being so self-obsessed. Learn another language, or do some volunteer work, learn life-drawing.

Lightthatnevergoesout · 29/09/2023 06:43

Sorry just remembered a moment from Fleabag about a haircut 💇‍♀️. Surely it can't be that bad ?

PumpkinBum3 · 29/09/2023 06:45

I’m CRINGING at his post. Which was both to impress fellow morons and to get to you. He’s a pillock.

I get hair having a massive impact on your confidence and I’ve been there after a dodgy hair cut. It’s not always vanity thing so I understand.

The hair you can sort out. Book an appointment with stylist to learn how to style it on a day to day basis.

The pillock is your call, too. If it’s already on/off maybe just get rid completely.

PurpleOrchid42 · 29/09/2023 06:45

I suppose we all need to forget that this is about hair, and think of it the same way we might about any other change in appearance that makes someone lose confidence. I was beautiful and slim, with a lovely pert bottom, before I had kids (5yrs ago). Now, if I had to get intimate with anyone except my husband, I think id be mortified, because my body is no longer very attractive! So if I compare it to that, I can understand what you mean.

But this is a sign you need to work on yourself, not really about your hair. Maybe try therapy, if you can afford it?

MoonShinesBright · 29/09/2023 06:49

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Blinky21 · 29/09/2023 06:49

Doesn't sound like a healthy relationship to me and any man who posts about being surrounded by beautiful women, I'd stay clear of.
If your self esteem can be destroyed by a haircut, I think you need to work on your confidence before you get into another relationship

Mehmehmehmehmeg · 29/09/2023 06:50

I really can’t understand why some people are writing so harshly about how they think OP has low self esteem. If you have low self esteem and people sound cross with you about it, it certainly doesn’t help!

OP I understand how you feel. There’s a certain bob length that just doesn’t look right on me. It’s amazing that a few inches longer or shorter and I feel completely different. It will grow. Don’t worry.

Dotcheck · 29/09/2023 06:53

spacecadet · 29/09/2023 00:13

I felt great when I was with him - I felt powerful and in control. So when it came to any issues in the relationship I felt I had a strong negotiating position because I felt wanted. That's all changed now for me and so getting back with him would be unfair to him because it would be like handing him the crap prize at a raffle.

…..and this is why you should consider working on your self esteem.
You seem to base your worth in your looks, which is quite a shallow vantage point

AnneButNotHathaway · 29/09/2023 06:55

Going back to the hairdresser is out of the question - my trust in all hairdressers is completely shot.

Relationships problems aside, I don't think this is a great take, OP. Any haircut could be fixed by the right hairdresser, and while finding one might not be an easy task, that's what reviews and previous appointments are for. You say it's been 3 months of you feeling miserable, that's not good and I'm really encouraging you to go fix it like yesterday. Hating yourself is never an option. Yes, you are more than your hair and you know that, but when you see something you dislike, these thoughts don't actually help. Fixing the problem does.
You can go completely different from your current style, maybe try wild colors (there are washable options and can be done at home), you can change your hair color in pictures first to see which options suit you best, then go for it (there is a free program to do so and many online apps).
For hair too short for your liking, you can get extentions, etc.
Whatever you do, do something! Hating on your current style and being miserable for months is NOT the answer!

Now onto your relationships.

for a while it was on/off so there's a lot of insecurity there already. Now he's posted something about being somewhere 'surrounded by beautiful women' and it's just made me feel even worse

Tbh that doesn't sound healthy at all and I really think you need to move on and never look back. The thing is, you can't be happy with someone when you're feeling low about yourself, and this man makes you feel bad. Doesn't sound like a foundation for happiness at all. Consider your break up with him a new beginning, it's okay to want someone back yet understand they aren't right for you.

marblesthecat · 29/09/2023 06:56

Is this really about your hair? I've been growing out dye for the past year and a half. I had to cut all my lovely long ringlets off to shoulder length because it was so damaged from dye. I have to clip part of it back while the front grows and I feel exposed and ugly. It hasn't ruined my relationship though. Was your relationship with your ex healthy? Because it doesn't sound it and I think you need to work on your self esteem before getting into another relationship.

Thisistyresome · 29/09/2023 06:56

Catoo · 28/09/2023 23:43

If he’s anything like my current and past DPs, he won’t notice your hair.
Could you get extensions so that you feel better while it grows?
Also maybe a trip to GP as you maybe sound depressed/anxious?

^ this.

I worked in a team where a man who was good friends with an African women and he sat next to her and chatted with her all the time. At one point she dyed her hair a bright red, it took him two weeks to notice.

We had a good laugh when he suddenly said “your hair looks different?”

Seagrassbasket · 29/09/2023 07:00

Gently, OP - referring to yourself as ‘the crap prize at a raffle’ because you’ve been so badly affected by a haircut, as well as being so badly affected by that haircut you’re not able to respond to an olive branch from someone you love, speaks to me as someone with deeper problems.
Matbe look at some counselling?

Purplecatshopaholic · 29/09/2023 07:02

This is not about your hair op. You clearly have serious issues with self esteem etc and I would suggest you seek help for those and stay single while doing so. Start with a chat with your gp.

Aprilx · 29/09/2023 07:03

Lyracappul · 29/09/2023 00:04

Hopefully someone deserving of your attention will turn up and not the twat trying to make you jealous!

Err the OP threw away that relationship because of her haircut. If a man ended a relationship with me because he didn’t like he haircut, I would be thinking that I deserved a bit more than that.

OP, I am definitely not one of those posters that doesn’t give a hoot what I look like, I generally put effort into my appearance including my hair. But this reaction of yours is extreme and is not normal and you do need to find some help.

BreatheAndFocus · 29/09/2023 07:11

If you had your ‘bad’ haircut 3 months ago and it was a layered bob, surely now it would be long enough to put up? Putting hair up doesn’t necessarily mean a long, flowing pony tail. You can put it back/up with slides or a very short pony tail covered by a scrunchie.

The way you’re thinking is what’s wrong. You shouldn’t base your self-esteem on your hair. The rough patch with your partner sounds like it was caused by you being miserable about your hair. Stop putting so much value on appearance and punishing yourself because you think your ‘appearance value’ has dropped.

Ffsnotaconference · 29/09/2023 07:15

Honestly, I really get hair making you feel good or making your feel crap. I really do. I spend loads of time on my hair.

However, if a bad hair cut ruins your self esteem to this point and impacts you so badly your life is ruined….you don’t have good self esteem.

self esteem isn’t good, if it all depends on your hair.

I have really bad thinning issues. And it’s quite distressing. But it also hasn’t ruined my life. I didn’t dump dp. And a bad hair cut is easier to cover than really think hair.

I don’t think you should get back with him. I think you need to work on yourself and get to a point where you won’t implode your life because of something (in the scheme of things) quite small and common. If you jump back with him or someone else, anytime your self esteem or self confidence takes a knock you will dump them or cause an issue and people will end up hurt.

It’s best to work on yourself first

Epidote · 29/09/2023 07:19

Samson lost his strength when his hair was saved but that is just a fable for the bible not the real life.

Your self-esteem can no rely in a hair cut. That doesn't sound like a good healthy self-esteem.

Regarding your boyfriend if you want to ring him back do it regardless of the length of your hair.

Tessabelle74 · 29/09/2023 07:30

Lyracappul · 29/09/2023 00:04

Hopefully someone deserving of your attention will turn up and not the twat trying to make you jealous!

What? They're not together so what he posts is nothing to do with her and why is she still following her ex on socials? Weird

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