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Original poster

Relationship ruined by haircut

172 replies

spacecadet · 28/09/2023 23:37

When I last got my haircut it went so wrong that I have been miserable for the last 3 months. During this time I went through a rough patch with my partner and the relationship ended. Since that time he's reached out but the thing that's stopped me reaching back is how I feel about my hair. I actually desperately want him back but I feel so low about myself right now that I just don't feel I can I go there. Our relationship was never straight forward and for a while it was on/off so there's a lot of insecurity there already. Now he's posted something about being somewhere 'surrounded by beautiful women' and it's just made me feel even worse. I know he'll start something with someone else very soon and that will break my heart but I know I'm not able to be with him again when my confidence is on the floor. It'lI take probably another 3 months for my hair to grow long enough again. I suppose I'm wondering if anyone else has experienced this and do they get where I'm coming from? Going back to the hairdresser is out of the question - my trust in all hairdressers is completely shot.

OP posts:
GoldenSpangles · 29/09/2023 02:05

In all likelihood he is not surrounded by beautiful women. There aren't that many about for a start. Your relationship doesn't sound that great though if there was that much insecurity for you.

Can you perhaps flat iron your hair straight which will make it look a bit longer and a bit better if it's a bob while you grow it out.

BettyPhuckzer · 29/09/2023 02:08

Who you are isn't defined by how you look

Who you love and who loves you, aren't defined by how you look

You, however, believe the above is wrong and that looks are crucial. That is why you need therapy, imo

EverythingYouDoIsaBalloon · 29/09/2023 02:13

MysteryBelle · 29/09/2023 01:04

A bad haircut.

You have a problem. But it has absolutely nothing to do with your hair or the haircut.

It’s to do with the space below the hair and above the brows.

You need to grow in maturity, beyond that of a strange toddler, before you’re ready to embark on a relationship of any kind.

What a nasty thing to say.

sofasunday · 29/09/2023 02:14

Honestly I think you are putting wayyyyy too much thought into your appearance

I get that you may have been more physically attractive or confident before. But you’re simultaneously letting that lead to your relationship ending, so you might not have the best grip on reality. People get unflattering haircuts all the time but don’t let that mean they check out of their relationship. It points more towards a mental issue than physical

if you’re insistent it’s physical then just get hair extensions? It’s ridiculous to rule out all salons due to 1 poor haircut. You seem to have really rigid and dramatic thinking

sofasunday · 29/09/2023 02:21

Also I don’t get how your hair is too short to do anything with. I have had long and short hair, and my appearance looked exactly the same when I had my hair off my face. You could do a half up, half down look. You could use hairspray and pin it back. You could have a bun, french plaits, low or high pony, hair scraped back, hair back with bangs out, you could tuck the sides behind your ears and keep the rest of your hair at the back to hide the length etc

oksothisisusnow · 29/09/2023 02:26

How on earth can a haircut cause all of this?
TBH I think there's something deeper going on here if you can allow even a terrible haircut to damage your self esteem and relationship over.

I say this as someone with terrible hair. Please work on seeing yourself as a person deserving of love no matter what your hair looks like.

GarlicGrace · 29/09/2023 02:28

Somanycats · 29/09/2023 00:15

No! Hopefully her poor ex boyfriend will quickly manage to find someone who has some real value and not some introspective drama lama who is obsessed with her own hair.

Show quote history

This.

I don't think I've ever wanted to reply to a relationships thread with WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU ON ABOUT, OP? Have my very first heartbreak YABU 👀

Sounds like your hairdresser gave you a Bixie, which is my favourite style. That's not the point, though. The point is that it's completely insane to be so deeply affected by not liking your hair that you destroy your relationship and cut off your opportunities. Something's very, very wrong here.

PPs have been kind enough to make suggestions about improving your self esteem, developing a more flexible personality, and coping with a bad haircut. Please take their advice.

Peacelily001 · 29/09/2023 02:29

OP, I mean this kindly, but some perspective is required here.
I work with people at the end of their lives or with life-limiting conditions. Any of them would trade a bad haircut for what they’re dealing with.

vlo · 29/09/2023 02:32

spacecadet · 29/09/2023 00:13

I felt great when I was with him - I felt powerful and in control. So when it came to any issues in the relationship I felt I had a strong negotiating position because I felt wanted. That's all changed now for me and so getting back with him would be unfair to him because it would be like handing him the crap prize at a raffle.

Did you feel powerful and in control because of your looks?

Bleuuuughhh · 29/09/2023 02:41

Wig? With, or without the leather chin strap.

user1492757084 · 29/09/2023 02:45

One sure thing, apart from death and taxes, is that hair grows.
You seem way too invested in your looks.
Be fun and have a chuckle about your hair.
If you really like this fellow then put on a hat and go get him.
He liked you so what's to loose?

How would you be if, like me, you lost your hair due to illness?
Hair is nothing of substance.
Think about your health and well being; exercise, eat well, investigate doing something useful for people who are needy of your help (shop or cook for people suffering cancer etc.)
You are so lucky to have thick glossy hair when others are wearing wigs or going bald.

Bleuuuughhh · 29/09/2023 02:53

.

Relationship ruined by haircut
azlazee1 · 29/09/2023 02:58

Does your partner want a relationship with You or your hair?

oksothisisusnow · 29/09/2023 03:06

azlazee1 · 29/09/2023 02:58

Does your partner want a relationship with You or your hair?

Her hair, he took the stuff that was cut off on holiday with him.. 😂

theresastormcoming · 29/09/2023 03:15

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Whowahway123 · 29/09/2023 03:54

A lovely message for those going through chemo or suffering from alopecia.

Give your head a wobble and imagine yourself bald!

Dustyblue · 29/09/2023 04:00

Good Lord OP, I massacred my own hair during lockdown after a few drinks, it looked ridiculous.

I got DP to tidy it up, dyed it red & used hair clips/headbands until it grew out. AND I GOT ON WITH MY LIFE. Some strange people actually said it looked great.

I can't fathom giving up on a relationship purely over hair, your self esteem would have to be through the floor, but you say it isn't. There must be more to it.

Dontsparethehorses · 29/09/2023 04:16

He wants to be with you because of who you are, how you behave, how it feels to spend time together. Not because he liked your hair… you are still you! You might not like your hair how it is now but you know that will change. If he is the right person he should be with you despite the haircut because that isn’t what matters to him. It might help you reframe how important hair is to who you are?

Feraldogmum · 29/09/2023 04:26

. For all my life others have defined me by my hair,I'm a natural redhead and its the one thing I've liked about my appearance particularly as at 55 I am still redheaded and not having to dye my hair yet.
I have had more bad haircuts than I can remember, not great but it grows. Now however my glossy red locks are falling out and I'm going very thin on top. Am I having a breakdown over it, no I'm not, I'm not happy about it but it's not stopping me live my life.
Your hair is only one part of your appearance and a very small part of who you are as a person.
What we are initially attracted to may be looks and when I say initially I mean in those few moments when we first see someone,after that it's the personality that attracts us to someone qnd makes us want to be with them.
You need to try and get some perspective on this, try just forgetting about your hair for a while,I guarantee its not bothering anyone. As for the boyfriend, well I think you know that's not a healthy relationship and I'll bet that's a bigger cause of your insecurity than you realise. Get together with friends,plan something fun with the folk that really know and care for you,I'm sure it will help you get a little perspective on things.

Hibiscrubbed · 29/09/2023 04:32

…not some introspective drama lama who is obsessed with her own hair.

😂

Isthisexpected · 29/09/2023 04:34

Work on your self esteem means see a therapist. We are you only deserving of love if you look a certain way? What happened in your life to teach you that everything has to look like X/be in your control/any other beliefs of relevance in order for you to function...?

Therapy to understand your reaction to a bad hair cut is way more important right now than this man.

Madmax1992 · 29/09/2023 04:39

My mom has alopecia and lost all of her hair including eyebrows and eyelashes. You need to get a grip, you're acting like a prize prat.

catzrulz · 29/09/2023 04:48

Absolutely, I'm just getting my hair back after Chemo.
I'm usually quite a tolerant person, your post has made me irrationally angry, which says more about me than you.
Saying that, it's hair, it'll grow.

givemeasunnyday · 29/09/2023 05:19

Doyoumind · 29/09/2023 00:11

That is not a normal reaction OP. We've all experienced a bad haircut but it doesn't blight our lives. I think you should focus on getting some help to resolve your issues and to understand why it's had such a hugely adverse impact on your life.

Exactly this - we've all had bad haircuts and just shrugged it off. If your self-esteem is based solely on your looks then you have a problem.

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