Relationship ruined by haircut

[spacecadet]

When I last got my haircut it went so wrong that I have been miserable for the last 3 months. During this time I went through a rough patch with my partner and the relationship ended. Since that time he's reached out but the thing that's stopped me reaching back is how I feel about my hair. I actually desperately want him back but I feel so low about myself right now that I just don't feel I can I go there. Our relationship was never straight forward and for a while it was on/off so there's a lot of insecurity there already. Now he's posted something about being somewhere 'surrounded by beautiful women' and it's just made me feel even worse. I know he'll start something with someone else very soon and that will break my heart but I know I'm not able to be with him again when my confidence is on the floor. It'lI take probably another 3 months for my hair to grow long enough again. I suppose I'm wondering if anyone else has experienced this and do they get where I'm coming from? Going back to the hairdresser is out of the question - my trust in all hairdressers is completely shot.

You say in your post that he has reached out. Have you talked to your partner about how you feel? He may have a different view or think that you're actually not interested in him if you've been a bit reserved/ depressed lately. Clear the air and then at least you know where you stand. 💐

It's the haircut that's the problem

OP, I mean this kindly: it is very much not the haircut that is the problem.

The problem is that your sense of self-worth and ability to function in a relationship is so severely affected by a temporary change to a single aspect of your appearance.

It is normal to feel a bit shit about something temporary like a bad haircut or an outbreak of acne or a broken tooth or something. We all, ultimately, want to look nice and yes, it's a bit depressing and it can knock your confidence in your appearance when something like that happens. But your reaction is very, very over the top. 'I can't have a relationship with someone I actually want to be with because I don't like something about my appearance, which will change over a few months anyway' is not normal and there is definitely something else going on in your head.

I'll be honest - from what you've said about insecurity and being on-off and needing a 'negotiating position', the relationship sounds like it was horribly unhealthy anyway.

Now he's posted something about being somewhere 'surrounded by beautiful women'
why does he need to say that? it is weird.

the haircut is not the problem its him.

Would straightening your hair help? If your hair is wavy it will give you some more length, plus if the thickness around your face is bothering you it will make it look more sleek and fine x

You had your hair cut into a bob 3 months ago and it will take another 3 months until you can even tie it up! Missing the point but, what on earth do you consider a bob!

I once had a bob. I loved bobs on other people, they looked so sleek and shiny and together. Not on me, I felt immediately awful. Have never had a bob since, even though I love them on other people!

Unfortunately you seem to have to have a bob or pixie cut or a fringe to know that's not you, you can't predict in advance!

Honestly, I'd be like that too OP 😁
I think the best thing you can do is tell him he must wait for your hair to grow, because you don't feel fit to be seen!
Then see what he says.
I am often honest with my now-DH about things like this and he tells me not to be a wanker and makes me laugh it off. That's what you want from a relationshipk, really: feeling free to share your worst fears, and them making you feel better.

It sounds as though you're using your hair as a distraction and you're filtering all the insecurity caused by the relationship into a haircut. The relationship ended for a reason and if you think your hair impacts the strength or otherwise of your relationship then it's not the right relationship for you.

Ask friends for hair stylist recommendations. Then pick one and ask them to show you how to style your hair. Lots of people with thick, wavy hair have layered bobs. You can dry it straight, make it curly, change where the parting is, use different products, get it cut into an asymmetrical style. There are lots of options especially since you're three months out since the cut - that's enough growth to be able to style or cut it differently.

How exactly do you work on self esteem and confidence? It's very vague advice.

Have you thought about speaking to someone about your feelings. You are making excuses and using your hair you need to see someone this isn't normal.

Cognitive behavioural therapy you have to change the way you think.

You could have just worn a hat.

Now I'm more annoyed, don't you dare let this thread get you down.
I'm not one for all the " you're so brave, you've got this talk" BUT we will rock our new hair, mine has gone curly, now I look like my Mum 🙈.

Sorry true and hard it's not your hair. You already said your relationship was on and off that's what's wrong here. Try focus on yourself have some you time and find a nice man

Give over. It’s a haircut. In no way should it correlate with your relationships.

It's not the haircut. That said, I once bought a wig because I hated my haircut so much - have you thought of doing that?

Aw thanks so much, that's so kind of you. Yes mine is very curly too, especially in the damp weather. I'm just about through the 'looking like my mum' phase. I thought I saw her in a shop a few weeks ago and then realised it was a mirror 😱The absolute icy horror of that moment!

To be honest I kind of regretted posting my last post afterwards. It was disingenuous as I've been very upset by bad haircuts in the past and I'm sure I still will be if I get one in the future. At least I knew what was going to happen with chemo and could mentally prepare - when you go to a hairdresser you hope to come out afterwards feeling great. It was just so sad the OP describing herself as a crap prize.

Thanks for your solidarity and all the best on your hair regrowth journey (and I am still excited by mine!)x

Although you won't admit, there's more to this than a bad haircut. No-one feels so bad about themselves and ends a relationship because they had a few more inches chopped off their hair than planned. Maybe a counsellor can you help you self analyse?
Did you not tell the hairdresser exactly what you wanted in a haircut? Or did you let them have creative control? Every hairdresser I've been to are wildly cautious about cutting long hair. Was this not the case with you?
Also, if your ex is so happy to make you jealous and move on quickly, then perhaps it's just not meant to be?

We all have had a bad haircut (mine went green when I had a perm once). Although initially quite embarrassing it shouldn't stop you getting on with your life.

Do you live in TOWIE / Love Island where looks are given more emphasis that they deserve? If so, I suggest you broaden your social circle and work on your self esteem.

You are much more than a haircut
Your self confidence surely cannot depend on a hair cut
.what about your personality? What about the people who love you?
Or Is this messy haircut a warning from your subconscious about getting back with your ex?