Dating Thread 243

[VenturingOut80]

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

Shimla999

Sod’s law means he will text and you will prob like him
I hope I’m wrong 😬

Please be very wary of a man who is still living in the same house as his wife -however platonic it is you can never visit him -I have been bitten by this and for me it would now definitely be a deal breaker.

Yes I'd agree I'd be wary of anyone living with ex partner after being "split" for a while (so time to sort finances and move out) and I'd have also raised an eyebrow at having to leave to go for lunch with his mom and would question whether this was just returning for Sunday lunch with the wife - but I am suspicious by nature now 😄

No, I don't think I'll meet him again. I wrote to say thanks for a nice walk - just to be polite - and he wrote back saying he'd had a lovely time too. But that's that as far as I'm concerned.😁

Don't worry - I do not want to get involved with anyone in this kind of situation. I wanted to meet him and find out more. We had a lovely walk and he seemed like a nice guy otherwise, but this is not something I want to deal with.

I'm very suspicious and cynical now too, so I agree! In fact, I find it hard to believe anything anyone says, it's that bad!😁 He could well have had other plans for lunch too, although I think he probably was meeting his mother. It doesn't matter either way - I wanted to go back home after a quick trip to Lidl 😁

I had to stay with my DD's dad for 3 months whilst we were sorting things out - it was living hell!

Although his circumstances were obviously different, and their split was apparently mutual, I still can't understand why you wouldn't want to have your own space, your own flat or house - not just a room in a shared house like a student!

Think you’ve done the right thing not proceeding. It’s a no no from me, it is hassle you do not need…you’d always be second guessing !

Well POF eventually unbanned me - no idea what I was banned in first place but I’m back on there now.

Its not great but I’ve chatted over the weekend to someone who is very much my type physically - 6’2 broad shoulders bit of a Grant Michell look - and we had a phone call last night where he actually said ‘let’s not waste time messaging, can I take you for a drink’ - so let’s see.

@SamW98 That's great, I appreciate that you're very resilient, you just get back out there and you shake things off. Hoping your date goes well 🤞

How come you got banned from POF @SamW98 ?

Ooh Grant Mitchell look that is my kind of man …

I think I come across like that because I don’t really expect anything so I’m pretty casual about the whole thing.

When I first did OLD I really thought I would meet someone but after so many wronguns I’m really not fussed. If it happens then great but I’m not breaking sweat over it.

No idea. I got a message when I tried to log in saying I had violated their terms.

Several emails ls back and forth and suddenly account was back - they got it wrong but won’t admit it 🤣

Anyone ever had a match when their "card is hidden" on tinder? Had a match tonight but my profile isn't active - very odd

Good luck with your new date! I know what you mean about not expecting anything and being quite casual. I've got to that stage too. Not that I've been on that many dates, but enough to make me pretty cynical.

So, I just try to enjoy the date and don't expect it to go anywhere.

I've been speaking to a few guys on Bumble and Tinder (not paid anything yet but am still trying to get to grips with the formats!😁). I'm not happy about Bumble showing your location - not sure if Tinder does too, as I find its format even more complicated!😄

Sorry this is very long…
Well I’ve signed up to Bumble…
Very nervous as have already seen two people I know in RL on there!
Older timers on here who remember my endless saga with Mr Wozfunnest… Thst has imploded finally after a few re-starts. Basically he has programmed himself to expect failure (sacked from every job etc tho’ he is a high flier) and was always expecting me to finish with him and was jealous of other men giving me attention. A deal breaker last year was when he wanted to get a dog and because he has a history of short term enthusiasms and a very busy life I was against it, for the dog’s sake. and I said it were puff be the end of our relationship. Anyway he said he would wait for 2years -the implication being that if we were still together we would get one together . Actually he put his name fine Ruth the breeder. We had. Hiatus for a few months, then saw each other a few times socially and then he drop the bombshell he has got a dog. Supposedly got his son (who is in his final year at university with a very full on job lined up after graduation…
So that was the final straw, and I think his urge to fail with me like everything else was part of the motivation. The dog is very cute (puppy). I advised him if he got a dog not to get a caching as they suffer back problems. He got a dachshund…
So I’ve tentatively signed up.
Ironically, one of the two people Isaw on there who I know is a man who MrWozfunnest was jealous of because he said the guy was always staring at me!
He is very attractive. Dilemma is - do I let it be known to him I am an available? In RL I mean. We do run in to each other st do idk events but so don’t want Mr Wozfunnest yo think (if anything transpires) that it is a result of his jealousy and I am trying to upset him.

VanillaSox

well ! I do remember the saga

from personal experience I’d say it’s quite hard to date when someone is in your head still
I’ve tried it and it didn’t really work out as to be honest I was using him to get over the ex
then he dumped me ! And then when the other ex knocked at my door I let him in 🙈

I think it’s interesting that your thought is ‘what if this upsets my ex !’
how would you feel if he started dating anyone ?

but in parallel there is no harm in liking him and seeing what happens …. If you feel ready and strong 💪

@VanillaSox Don't run circles around your ex worrying what what he thinks, you ended things with him for a reason. If you feel like contacting this new guy then do it, you can't run your life as though your ex still has autonomy over your choices. You are worrying about what he thinks and feels way too much. As the previous poster says, make sure you are really ready to date though, as it won't be easy if Mr Wozfunnest is still in your head ( and your heart.)

@Seaoftroubles I find reading that really empowering, thank you for writing

I'm not @VanillaSox obviously, I just like that we can't live out our lives on someone else's terms or some misguided sense of loyalty

@cassiatwenty Thank you, l have learnt this through experience sadly. It's not always easy to do though, and l often have to remind myself to take my own advice!

Thank you -wise and kind advice 🥰! Yes he is still on my heart and head😔😔😔

VanillaSox

it’s annoying isn’t it
im in the same boat as my ex took himself out of the thing we had for his mental health issues

im doing ok single but I’m not ready to date as
(a) wary if I meet someone and the chemistry isn’t great I’ll miss him more
(B) and if I get rejected it will hurt me more than it should as I’m very bruised

so all roads lead to being single and healing for a good few months

its not the funnest ! But it really is the sensible way (for me )

I have a couple of potential irons in the wild. One of them is a uni ex I dated back then got about 4 months so not much baggage from that and he has been a friend before so happy to meet up as friends and see off that develops and if not then at least we can be mates. I’ll call Mr Uniguy. Next time I see the guy I referred to in the previous post -let’s call him Mr Forearms😂 at a local gig will chat to him and see how that goes.

(Will someone make a thread 244 please?)

I had a lovely conversation last with someone who messaged me on PoF. I kind of dabble in this stuff but she turned out to be really well educated, clever and articulate. So it's a good start.

Kind of restored my faith in it a bit - I'm as cynical as many on here but sometimes shit happens and away we go. My job for the day is to find somewhere nice to meet up