Dating Thread 243

[VenturingOut80]

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@Shimla999 Good luck on your date tomorrow, and I hope it goes as well as it can. Worst comes to worst there's always a bit of shopping, and you were brave enough and did it.

Back from a fab afternoon/evening out. Didnt meet anyone to swap numbers with but did spend the evening laughing, flirting and dancing with a group of men that approached us who were way too young but good fun to chat with.

bethatgirl

ouch
I know that at some stage I’ll venture back online - mainly because I’ll want to have sex again and assume I won’t meet anyone in RL

im already thinking of strategies I can deploy so this doesn’t wreck my 🧠

so far the main one is - don’t go OLD 😂

bethatgirl

another question as you have only done this for one month , how picky have you been with the people you selected ?

i dont mean this badly but when I started I spoke to pretty much anyone that had a nice face , was male and around my age

now I reckon I’d be down to 5% , if that

my filtering skills are way more finely honed

Well woke up to a message today asking if I’m wearing a bra in my profile pic as he’s zoomed in and thinks he can see my nipples poking through 🤷‍♀️

Dear God - another one for the block list

It’s so nice to get out and have fun without thinking about meeting anyone isn’t it?

Im very social and I love getting out with friends dancing and chatting to random strangers. That’s something I’ll never give up even if by sone remote chance i ever meet a man again 🤣

Be carful @Shimla999 if he’s still living in same house as his ex and grown up son…

@Thisisworsethananticpated Any tips?

cassiatwenty

tips 😂😂 im as single as they come right now

however (and this is for me to note )

honest profile that shows my personality and who I am and where I am right now

very good and recent photos

be very mindful around time on the app

pay for it as I think better

If someone’s profile doesn’t float my boat don’t bother , it’s a waste of time

only speak with people who seem decent and are local

if the chat in the app is shit don’t bother

regularly freeze profile for MH breaks

and if people don’t engage and arnt chatty I’ll unmatch fairly swiftly or stop 🛑

keep date 1 very short , coffee or a walk

Less is more , maybe you join an app and its a few weeks till you meet someone

and don’t assume all men are bastards and swimming in a lake of hot women . It’s not true and they have as hard a time of it as women do

I’ve had my ups and downs but I met mostly nice guys and I find the blanket assumptions draining

@Thisisworsethananticpated Thanks a lot, it's really helpful to read your tips as I'm a bit lost so it's good to help me figure things out. I agree that it's necessary to take some mental health breaks and that there are some nice men out there who also have it hard.

cassiatwenty

are you on any apps right now ?
regular short breaks really help

Thanks @cassiatwenty It was nice - I mean I had a good time and we had plenty to talk about. I was worried we might not have a lot in common, but it was fine. We met early as he had to go for lunch with his mum and I had to get back for lunch too. And I still managed to do a bit of shopping on the way home too 😁

Thanks, @marshmallowmix - yes, I met up with him for a walk this morning and it was fun. I asked him about this and he did try to explain, but I'm still not 100% convinced. It certainly isn't a normal thing to do, in my opinion. His son doesn't live there normally though - he has a house in another town near where he works.

This OLD is such hard work sometimes!

One other thing I discovered using Bumble for the first time this week is that Bumble reveals your real name and location. Since I live in a small village, on Ourtime I would put the name of a bigger town nearby and also a false name. But this doesn't seem to be possible with Bumble - but maybe it's just me and I'm not using it properly.

Shimla999

Oooof . Do you like him

honestly to god I’d be very very careful here
I would not want to invest any time into a man living with his ex as 99.99% likely to turn to shit

@Thisisworsethananticpated Taking a break from apps, just need a bit of break and tips when I get back out there

One other thing I discovered using Bumble for the first time this week is that Bumble reveals your real name and location

Bumble is annoying for displaying your location, i.e. the town/village/general area that you are in when you open the app. It doesn't pinpoint your exact location.

It displays whatever name you choose. If you sign up using fbook then it will use that name.
If you sign up using your phone number then you can choose what name you want.
I use a shorten version of my name on the apps e.g. Nell not Nelly.

cassiatwenty

good
sometimes it’s good to see friends and even flirt and chat with men in the wild
to remind you that you are a great human and the apps (when not resilient) can hurt your 🧠

I'm still seeing Mr Noodles. He's head over heels about me. I like him, he makes me laugh, he's interesting to be with. But I'm not sure yet if this will be a long term thing.

There's quite a few cultural differences which could cause problems, if we let them. Plus his work, kids and family take up a huge amount of his time. I've just found out his parents are staying with him til at least January.

But for now, I've paused the apps and will see what happens.

@Shimla999

The location is something I don’t like about Bumble. I live on the outskirts of a decent sized town so put that as my hometown but Bumble shows the name of my district which is a small area which anyone who knows the town would know within a couple of miles where I live.

Ive actually seen one of my neighbours on there so I’m sure he’s seen me too.

I really don't know what to think, but I'm going to be very careful. I'm not sure he'll write to me or whether I should write to him right now - or what I'd say if I did write! He was very nice and we got on well but to be honest, I think this would could be a huge problem. You are probably right though!

Yes, I just realised that - I've been chatting to one guy who asked me whether I lived in XYZ (the name of my village). I really wondered how he'd worked that out, as I had not given that information when I filled in my details. He said it was on my profile. I could see where he lived and he confirmed that he lived in that city. Today however, when I was checking his profile, it said he was in a different place. Turns out he doesn't live there, he's just visiting. So, does that mean that every time you log in to Bumble, it will tell everyone where you are??? If so, that's terrible! I don't want the whole world to be able to track my movements like that. My village is very small, so although it won't give my exact street address, in my opinion it's bad enough that it gives people the village name. I suppose there is no way of hiding that information.

That is worrying - so not only does it give your town name - it gives a more precise location. And have you noticed that it updates the location if you open the app when away from home? I don't like the idea of people knowing where I live (obviously!). If I lived in a big city, it might not be an issue - however, as you say, it might then give the name of the district within the city. At least on Ourtime you could hide your name and location far more easily.

From my experience, yes bumble and tinder do update location each time you go in it if you are doing that somewhere different

Yes I’ve seen it updates when you’re travelling.
I was on holiday a couple of months ago and I was getting shown men all over Greece - locals and people on holiday. If I was looking for a holiday fling there were some nice looking Greek men on there 🤣🤣

@Thisisworsethananticpated

I did the same. I was 'swipe right happy' at first, and now I'm more picky.

All of your tips are definitely good ones.