Dating Thread 243

[VenturingOut80]

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@SamW98 I have never seen that at all.

@SamW98...I'm 48 and I've decided I'm not sharing my toys anymore 🤣

@SamW98
Newbie but lurker here (although have given up on dating now) Yes indeed, l came across many men in the older age groups ( 60 plus) who described themselves as married but sexless, or married and wife's carer.

@SamW98 Re non-starter, at least you were brave and tried. That's commendable. I'm sure there are decent men out there, it's just that OLD can feel more like work and less like fun.

I've paused all the apps again. Got one ongoing conversation but nothing else - save for some flirty messaging with a twitter crush over the past week 😄

Slothmomma

thats quite an interesting way to meet people
as at least you know you get on and have maybe some common ground ?

I had have a moment of weakness on a wet dark afternoon and Unfroze profile
i did like one guy and he liked me back
and now hasn’t replied 🙄
frozen again !

I found this a thought provoking observation.

I'm a similar age to you and looking to date similar as well. Think at this stage of life if you're intelligent, articulate and good natured there are probably a great number of people you can have a first date with over lunch or a couple of drinks. I also think for a lot of us there's a great deal of life experience that is observant behind the charming facade ( and I mean this for both men and women)

Those who have divorced or separated probably have a few behavioural traits they don't like. In addition probably a few personal habits that don't suit - in my case vegans, teetotallers, smokers and overly religious spring to mind. Nothing wrong with most of this but it's not for me and other people will have different ones.

Then you get on to hobbies - if people like to spend their spare time gardening, doing DIY and rambling they are not likely to have much in common with me (I'm a watching sport, rock concerts, theatre, art gallery guy). Again nothing wrong with these leisure activities at all but I don't want to spend my spare time doing them. There needs to be some crossover in spare time enjoyment.

All this narrows the field down quite considerably and I don't think a lot of people in their fifties are looking for ONS and so we might be more ruthless at quickly weeding out dates even after an amiable lunch.

I kinda felt we'd covered a lot of what you mention, found a lot of common ground in interests, values, humour. Hard to think after messages and video calls that maybe I just don't stack up in real life. Who knows. Though I've also met a few blokes who seem to not know what they're after, casual , short term, long term or just first dates and company.
It's confusing, but not gonna overthink it (too much). Thanks for taking the time to reply though. 🙂

@Iveforgottenwhatitwas - met one OLD in particular who although it dodn't work out with have remained friends and message each other regularly. We occasionally do something nice - we're quite good at keeping each other's feet on the ground

Haven’t posted for a while but lurking and following everyone else’s adventures.
Lots of men on the older age group in sexless marriages but not bad enough to make it worth the upheaval off divorce -so they think dating sites are a playground and they can metro the marital home and domestic etc but love like a single man dating. I was briefly woo’d by one of those till I found out. They honestly don’t seem to think they are cheating!!!

I haven't posted for a while - I've been reading the thread but haven't been on any dates recently. For one thing, for some reason, most of the guys who contacted me on Ourtime live really far away!

This has probably been asked before, but I was just wondering what other people's experience was. My subscription with Ourtime ran out yesterday (I have only ever used it at the reduced 'special offer' price of 4.99 euros - I don't live in the UK). But I'm not too impressed with the site and would like to try some others. A friend recommended Tinder and I know some of you here have mentioned Bumble. I always thought Tinder was just for young people (I'm 60), so never tried it. Anyone found it a good site? I was told it was also used by people looking for friends, not just romantic partners, but I'm not sure whether that is really the case.

Or would you say Bumble was better? They are both more expensive than Ourtime (at the special offer price 😁) but maybe they are worth it. I have downloaded both apps and have had lots of 'likes' (or whatever they are called), but can't see the photos properly unless I pay. I'm not sure which app to try first.
Thanks in advance for any recommendations!

But isn’t that going to be most people, I’m sure lots of folks won’t really know what they want upfront?
the Teacher I saw this year said she wanted something longer term ( no pun ), actually all she wanted was a fling for the summer, but she didn’t have the guts to actually say that

@Shimla999 I've used bumble and tinder and they are pretty much same faces in both. I've never paid for an app as don't see the point because it doesn't matter to me who likes me unless I swipe on them and then if they do it will match

@Iveforgottenwhatitwas I've been on loads of dates where we seemed to have lots in common etc and the date itself was probably OK but there just wasn't that spark/thing/pull to make me want to see them again and vice versa. I have no objection to this as that's the point of meeting. My biggest gripe is the ones that say they don't think they're ready for a relationship - but will happily sleep with you - but what they actually mean is they're ready for a relationship with someone, just not you but you'd be good enough to sleep with until their relationship person comes along (looking at Mr music here who thankfully I did not sleep with).

@Shimla999 As Slothmomma mentioned you can pretty much find the sane faces on both Tinder and Bumble. I've found it's a bit hard to have a relaxing convo as there's pressure to talk upon matching fast.

I suggested taking a look at VenturingOut80's rules to online dating first comment this thread. There are some odd people but there are normal ones too. Unfortunately it's a tad time consuming.

I wish you luck!

I’ll be honest, I’m not 💯 sure exactly what I want but I say that upfront.
Im more sure about what I don’t want and everything else is a work in progress and seeing where it goes with someone.

We've all had dates where we’ve got on well and maybe on paper seemed a good match but the attraction just wasn’t there.
There was a guy who I got on brilliantly with we chatted on phone for several hours a night and yet, when we met, I knew instantly there was spark. Though I was a grown up about it and told him after the date, I didn’t ghost. I think it’s only polite to tell the person if you didn’t feel it.

How does Facebook dating work, anyone know? Is there like an official site or app, or is it just groups?

It’s just like a.dating app but on Fb. You click on the ❤️and it takes you straight there.

Its actually not too bad but I do get to see a lot of friends or friends and a couples of my mates exes 🤦‍♀️

Thanks Sam! Should be an interesting experience then...

Hmm I can't see a heart on my fb... I've only just made a profile, though. Maybe you're not allowed to do the dating until you've been on a while?

Type Facebook dating in the search bar and you’ll see this heart. Click on that to start

Hmm... nope. I just get a lot of groups called 'facebook dating' but not what you've shared here.

I'll have to have a little google and see why I don't have it!

You have to use the fbook app to access dating. It's not available on the website only

Thanks, @Slothmomma Yes, I suppose you end up seeing the same faces. I had a look at both apps yesterday and saw a few people I'd already come across on Ourtime! Ourtime must be desperate to keep me because they keep on offering me special offers (10% of the 'normal' price)! It's complicated trying to learn how Tinder and Bumble works though - and time-consuming! 😁

Yeah, I'm on the app. I googled and tried all the things that were recommended. It's just not there!

Maybe it's the universe giving me a sign 🤔

Thanks @cassiatwenty Yes, I noticed a few familiar faces when looking at Tinder and Bumble! Just different photos - somehow, they look better on Tinder and Bumble than on Ourtime 😁But I agree about the time pressure - you have 24 hours to connect etc. I am not sure I like that, but maybe it's useful.

The whole thing is time-consuming! I've just agreed to meet a guy on Sunday morning - I met him on Ourtime. I'm not getting my hopes up, but at least we are meeting in a place I like - with lots of people around - and in broad daylight! So, even if there is no spark, it won't be a complete waste of time. 😊