Dating Thread 243

[VenturingOut80]

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

Re. fb dating, I'm on iPhone, not sure of android is different, but I'd click on menu bottom right (it's my profile pic), under my shortcuts there are marketplace, memories etc, I then have to click on see more at the bottom and it reveals dating. It's just above settings. Hth.

Thanks. I looked there. Looked everywhere! Apparently facebook doesn't want me to be happy! Or maybe it's saving me from myself.

My final match that I'd been chatting to has messaged this morning a lovely message to say that he thinks our distance and circumstances would mean we couldn't really give it a shot but didn't want to just unmatch. I agree and appreciate his maturity. Ive wished him all the best and he's said I shouldn't settle for anything but the best as I deserve it 😊 so now all previous matches are done and all apps paused. The apps aren't working for me at the moment and I feel my confidence has taken a hit because of taking on board completely average at best men's opinions of me or their inferring I'm only good enough to sleep with but not actually date. So I'm going to see how it goes in the wild and if that means I remain single (it's been a year since I last "dated" somebody anyway) then so be it. Am heading off into city this afternoon again for something to eat and drinks so will keep my eyes open 🤣

@Slothmomma you sound happy in yourself which really is the main thing. I think its so important to have a life outside of our family/work commitments.
Have a lovely autumn Saturday.

Meeting peeps in real life is the way to go …not easy but is more real. Men are fickle they get a good one then think ooh maybe lots of others too …

I think this is right but it's much easier in your 20s than your 50s. When I was in my 20s I went to a lot of parties and nights out where there were lots of women of whom a decent proportion would be single or only loosely attached to someone..

In later life far more people are in relationships and you don't go out with a bunch of friends to the local wine bar or nightclub

I think women in general are better at socialising and doing a wide group of things with other female friends. Socialising with my male friends tends to be going to sport, concerts or to the pub. We don't go to the theatre, art galleries or coffees shops together. The chances of me meeting a nice woman my age in a social setting is reasonably low

And most of us do go out in real life but don’t meet people there either. I do get a lot of make attention but it’s usually chancers who aren’t actually single. And I tend to cross paths with the same people over and over again.

It’s definitely a different world in my 50’s than I ever imagined.

I didn’t say it was easy to meet people in real life …and that people weren’t going out and doing that.

I said it’s not easy but it’s preferable for many reasons.

It is the best option in
my view …too many con artists on apps.

More likely to gauge a chancer if met face to face in real life.

@marshmallowmix - I agree with the comment about con artists on apps. There are plenty of female scammers on them (or at least people purporting to be females) and I'm sure it's the same for women looking for a decent bloke.

I grew up in the 80s and early 90s - there were no "apps" then and dating agencies were for social inadequates. You just had to get out there and meet people. I'm guessing the older folks in the market back then had a tough time

Agree @ManAboutTown !

100% agree with this, I certainly think women do a better job of keeping and maintaining long lasting friendships than men do,
Teacher had a small group of close friends who used to meet regularly and go to clubs & Butlins weekends ( shagging weekends apparently), something that older men certainly don’t do

@NoDatingFor0ldMen - if I do something with male friends tends to be a football weekend. Can't imagine us renting a country cottage or going to Butlins. Maybe we should try the latter

Butlins isn’t a shagging weekend unless that’s what you want it to be. I’ve been to the Ibiza Legends weekend and also go to SPW in Bognor every March and they’re very music oriented. The soul weekends there can be a bit more of a middle aged pulling weekend but I’ve got friends who go just as a girls getaway- no men involved.

I go to dance music festivals regularly with friends but we’re all about the music and being with mates.

For me the best thing about being single for this time in my life is finding the lovely group of friends I've made

Yep, if I do something it’s bike riding weekends away with the club or social nights in the pub

Summer's day? It's November!

@SamW98
thats just what I was told, no offence intended, apparently some of teachers single (and not so single) friends used them as shagging weekends

bur that’s no different from men who go on tours really

@NoDatingFor0ldMen

No offence taken and I know at the Butlins soul weekends it does go on. My mates ex H and his mates go along because the weekends are full of (in their words) desperate grannies in PVC outfits.

I’ve never done those weekends and the ones I do go to are more specialist music events than adult weekends. But I’m not naive and I’ve been away before when I’ve been woken up by someone having sex in the living room of our apartment.

Oh dear what are “desperate grannies in PVC outfits” the mind boggles …😜

Right guys, my experience of online dating so far, has not been fun at all and I'm exactly 1 month in.

I've had men arrange dates and delete me before the date with no warning, I've been let down less than 2 hours before a date, I've been ghosted after a date, conversations have fizzled out on both parts, I've sent a photo of me on the day with no make up on only to be pretty much ignored, and I've had two dates where they wanted to see me again but I didn't fancy them in person.

It's made me feel thoroughly shit tbh and I'm ready to ditch the app. Is all of the above normal behaviour?

I'll be joining @Slothmomma and leaving the app very soon!

bethatgirl Yes, that all sounds pretty standard. Sorry it's not going well for you but I nodded along to all of that & can add some more horrible behaviours.

It isn't you. Take care of yourself & your MH

Although I feel I've been relatively lucky to avoid most of the shit I know it's pretty common
I was talking to a girl who has been blocked whilst on the way to the date , twice!

Sorry to hear of your experiences @bethatgirl . There's no excuse for ghosting or ignoring you.

I've only been on one date in the last month - it was OK - but I knew right away there was no spark.

I've agreed to meet another guy tomorrow morning (met when I was on Ourtime). I'm a bit nervous, but at least we are meeting in a place I like (my suggestion). So, it won't be a complete waste of time even if we don't get on - I can always go shopping in Lidl!😁There is one potentially huge flag with this guy though - apparently, he still lives in the same house as his ex and his adult son is there part of the time too. I wouldn't normally meet up with a guy under these circumstances, but apart from than that he seems nice. So, I'll be asking for more information!

@bethatgirl Definitely not you. As Nerves said, put yourself and your MH first. Old can feel like extra work

Thank you all. I'm glad it's not just me.
@qqq82 that is awful!!! Why bother arranging the date!
@Shimla999 I hope it goes well for you.
@NervesOfCotton I can only imagine! X

It feels like a full time job. I enjoyed it at first but I've soon learnt how people treat each other and after being married for 20 years, was not expecting it and it's not for me