Dating Thread 243

[VenturingOut80]

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@NervesOfCotton i felt the need to barge in. This is meant to be FUN. He’s already trying to manage down your expectations, telling you he’s cheap (how attractive) and has you questioning your readiness to date. Plus the house date is a TOTAL invitation for a shag. It requires zero effort. You’ve met him twice and he’s already upset you. No no, fucking no. You should be smiling at every turn.

for the sake of your happiness and self esteem, sack him off.

so easy when you can be objective I know 😎

Thank you Birthdayblu You are so right. I know.

I messaged him last night basically saying

'I know the 2nd date was better, but the fact is, I don't trust your intentions with insisting that date 3 is at home watching movies. I don't trust you to accept my response if it's 'No'.

Also, I'm not comfortable telling you where I live yet, & I'm not comfortable coming to your house-share, full of men, both of which we discussed on date 2, yet here you are trying to persuade me to give you my address.

Finally, I feel like you are shutting me down when I try to talk to you about my worries, so this is done. I do not want to see you again.

You have so done the right thing @NervesOfCotton. You deserve so much better….

Thank you MollyMolloy And everybody. Feel like I've taken over the thread a bit

But I'm done now, back to everybody else

@NervesOfCotton well done, you have undoubtedly done the right thing there. You know your boundaries and you stated them loud and clear.

you were far too gracious to him! you are well rid.

house share also? no. just no.

NervesOfCotton That's an excellent message. Very clear about what you want and don't want. And stating your boundaries.
Don't worry about hogging the thread. That's why it's here.
And someone else might be in a similar position & what you've done could help them as well.

Did he reply @NervesOfCotton or did you just block after you sent it? I agree with you by the way, just curious how he responded!

Aah thank you. I've got a raging migraine but apart from that, I feel good. I've washed my date dresses, washed him right out of my hair

It just wasn't right was it, & I knew that didn't I, I was just trying to make it into something that it wasn't.

No I instantly blocked & blocked on Bumble too. I knew he would have tried to shut me down again with the whole 'Relax & go with the flow' crap.

The next one, is going to make me feel more relaxed, so that I'm more able to go with the flow

Just found the new thread- it thought my notifications had been a bit quiet!

Update on Mr Analogue, it's going well! I'm seeing him tomorrow after not seeing him for a couple of weeks due to our schedules not really aligning so I'm quite looking forward to it. We're going to a fireworks display on November 5th which feels a bit like a milestone in that were actually making plans in advance, rather than the week by week thing we've been doing. His business gets very busy in the run up to Christmas but he's said he'll still make time for me, so he's at least planning on still seeing me till then 😂.

His friends and family all know he's seeing someone now too.

It's my birthday next week and I'm trying not to build up the idea that he's got me something so I don't end up sorely disappointed. But there has been a bit of casual gift giving over the past couple of months and him offering me random bits that he's picked up (a desk and printer?!). So I'm thinking maybe?

All in all it's going very well, definitely a continued spark. A sensible amount of compliments and me just generally feeling like I'm being treated quite well, which is refreshing!

Itssnotunusual That's a lovely update, I'm glad it's going so well for you. He sounds great & the future planning sounds good too

@Itssnotunusual that's a fab update! It sounds like it is going well.

@NervesOfCotton go you! Well done for sticking to your boundaries. I can't imagine any woman would be up for that, that's serious red flag territory. You've totally done the right thing 💪🏻

I had my first date with Mr Phones last night. It went so well! He was extremely complimentary and seems almost too good to be true. I get a little anxious when this happens because I have a little wall there protecting myself as I've had such a bad time with dating up to now. We kissed and the chemistry was insane. Plan to see him again in the next few days. He is absolutely lovely and has the qualities that I'm looking for.

OMG I love this! Sounds like a perfect first date.

@Itssnotunusual sounds fab! long may it continue!!!!!

@Thewildthingsliveatmyhouse aww. so nice to have chemistry.

Found you all. And @NervesOfCotton I'm so glad to read you sacked that one off - low effort 2 dates and then trying to push for a dtd date despite your concerns about previous handsy behaviour. Bullet dodged.

I have a date tonight. Both catching train into city centre for drinks. Not sure what to expect. Matched 2 months ago and chatted sporadically over that time but not enough like I've built up any false intimacy etc. Not feeling all that excited if I'm totally honest but I think that's more my feelings on dating in general as opposed to him. The apps have been awful and the few I've swiped on recently and matched with have ended up unmatching out of nowhere after for example saying how much they'd enjoyed chatting and would love to continue the following day 🤷‍♀️🤦‍♀️

Hello all . Just caught up with updates - @NervesOfCotton wow what a twat. Definitely you’re well rid. It’s shit though isn’t it when you build up to a date and they turn out to be yet another loser.

Im back from a wonderful chilled few days in Greece. No Shirley Valentine unfortunately but a really great well needed break.

Back on apps this morning and already had a ‘send me pic of your white bits’ - no I’m good thanks 🤦‍♀️

Refreshed and ready to go

Thank you Slothmomma I make terrible dating decisions don't I
I hope your date goes well, it sounds like fun! Hopefully once you get there it will be good.

It's so hard to be enthusiastic when the Apps are crap, isn't it.

Thewildthingsliveatmyhouse That sounds amazing, I'm so pleased for you!

Hi SamW It is. Despite everything though, I'm glad it happened because it's all good dating experience isn't it.

I am going for drinks after office tonight with people I meet at industry events. A friend who is Bi is bringing a friend who is 'Curious'. She thinks we might get on well. At least we know where we all stand. Should be a good evening.

@SamW98 Oh dear! pic requests so soon. Do they really get many women sending pictures of their bits? I have had those requests. They both sent me "theirs".

Back to the conference.

Hi Everyone,

Apologies in advance for my post. I will get to know you all soon give my thoughts on what's happening. But for now...

I've been lurking around for ages and I was briefly in here about a year ago when I (too early, I have to admit) started dating after a 17 years marriage. I'm still not divorced but have been living on my own for 15 months now.

I thought I was all settled, everything felt fine, and I'd had my share of bad dates. Mr NotMyType turned up and completely won me over. We both said how scared we were that things got so intense, so quickly but that it was more than desire. We spent a lot of time together the first month and then slowed down to a more normal level (still at least twice a week). So, naive as I was, Mr NotMyType turned out to be a narcissist and he just love bombed me and mixed that with emotional abuse (so many signs I ignored). After 2.5 months only I'm now just a shell of my former self but have managed to remove myself (and my things) from him/his.

How do I recover from this? I've started therapy and I've been told I'm suffering from acute PTSD. After just 2.5 months! I'm normally seen as a clever and strong woman. I don't get it!

And how do I do OLD the right way?

@LovebombedAgain

Sorry to hear this, but glad you had the power to get rid ASAP.
IMHO pause dating. do some self work, keep going to therapy. Narcs can spot vulverabilty from a mile off

Like @Myfabby suggested, pause dating. Even fun dates can get a tad stressful.

Don't rush all in, know if you would like to hug another person (affection) or snog them (lust).

Lust can feel amazing but it can also fizzle out rather quickly.

Rules at the beginning of this thread are always good to reread.

As you meet someone new don't go all in but build that friendship bit by bit so there is a solid base and trust.