Dating Thread 243

[VenturingOut80]

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

Ugh
He assumes he's upset you! Jheeze. I have had this stunt pulled on me many times but unfortunately I went along with it. Won't be doing it again, good on you for sticking to your boundaries

'I assume'. What a dick.

Thank you VenturingOut & Thewildthingsliveatmyhouse*. Date 2. We didn't trek around the whole park this time, just a little walk to the tea room then we sat on a bench (hidden away) for 2 hours. It was just better. He didn't keep trying to kiss me, he said he'd wait until I gave him the 'Ok', which I did, eventually! He had his arm round my shoulders & was playing with my hair, gave me a little massage (which was amazing!)

I'm still struggling a bit to have him touching me, but it was much more comfortable. He tried to put his arm round my waist, onto my tummy a couple of times & I just instantly moved his hand, & at the end, when he gave me a kiss goodbye, he grabbed my bum, but that wasn't too bad, it's the front that I'm most paranoid about!

He said that he's not in a rush for anything more physical to happen & will go at my pace.

I laughed even more than yesterday, which I didn't think was possible!

Wow VenturingOut MrBeard Sounds amazing! What a great update, I'm really pleased for you

MollyMolloy Ugh. What a twat! Easy block.

Aw @NervesOfCotton I'm glad it went well. Have you arranged to see him again?

Mr Beard is amazing, too good to be true! Maybe he'll turn out to be a nutter or maybe he's what I've been missing all my life. Who knows. I'm trying very hard not to get too infatuated and I'm still worried he's going to disappear/ghost me. Mustn't think too far ahead, just enjoy it for what is now.

VenturingOut Aww he sounds great! It's sooo hard not to think ahead of yourself isn't it when you finally think you've found a good one.

He wants to meet tomorrow daytime but I said I'll let him know with this one as I've got a lot on (& also don't want to commit to every spare minute being with him!)

He has a strong cockney accent (I didn't realise until I met him yesterday) I have a weakness for those accents, my ex had one too

I'm feeling much more butterfly-ey in the stomach, when I think of him, than I did after seeing him yesterday

@VenturingOut80 @NervesOfCotton these updates are bringing me joy!!

I have a date tonight! Very spontaneous. Matched with him on hinge last night and been chatting all day. I like his values, he's attractive and appears to have his ducks in a row. He's been open about his mental health which is so nice for a guy and seems kind and sensitive... very much looking forward to meeting him. We are meeting at a pub local to him as I'm in that area anyway this evening so it works well, he was conscious he didn't want it to appear that he was trying to get me too close to his house. Refreshing. Let's see!
I'm going to call him Mr Phone.

@Thewildthingsliveatmyhouse ooh exciting!! Sounds promising, have a great time and let us know how it goes.

So the guy who disappeared before our scheduled date on Saturday just gone (we had been chatting on hinge for weeks) has tracked me down on IG and Facebook to profusely apologise for going AWOL since Tuesday. Prior to then he’d regularly been in contact to confirm a much anticipated date(!)

Apparently he came down with a severe dose of covid and by the time he was feeling in better shape I had, understandably, unmatched him.

I can’t decide what to do on this one. Leaning towards telling him to swerve. But I’m new in this city and was looking forward to a giggle/bit of a tour!

for those of you who have rescheduled with a flakey date, how did it go/is it going?!

@Birthdayblu if it was sounding promising I might be inclined to give him another chance, however- to be unable to message you at all he must have been pretty unwell. I think back to when I had the flu, I would still have messaged someone I was due to meet

Birthdayblu I agree with VenturingOut I think. You don't go from being fine to being unable to text. BUT do you think he seems genuine now?

Thewildthingsliveatmyhouse Hopefully you are out having a lovely time

Thank you for the new thread @VenturingOut80

@ManAboutTown you’re not based anywhere near Reading are you (falls on knees and starts praying 😁)

What do people normally do for 'Date 3' ?

He's pushing for 'Movies & snuggles on the sofa', but I really want to go 'out' like go for a drink/dinner/cinema.

I know a lot of you use date 3 as a DTD date though don't you, so maybe it's normal to be at home for that one? (I'm not ready to DTD yet, just wondering!)

thanks @VenturingOut80 and @NervesOfCotton I think I’m letting my surface level attraction (he was witty and handsome!) override my ‘wtf’ feeling about it all. If a friend was telling me the same tale I’d tell her to ditch him because covid doesn’t mean you can’t bloody TEXT. He ‘tracked me down’ on Wednesday as he didn’t have my number. That’s still a long gap isn’t it?

gah. Men.

Birthdayblu Try to ignore the wittyness & handsomeness & Go with your gut.

The tracking you down bit freaked me out, reading it, as I'm extremely private, but I also realise that it's very easy to do nowadays!

100% this
1st time I DTD wirh Teacher, I pulled the condoms out & she sort of said “ are you using those “

the answer was “yes” until we both clear STD tests, I had no idea if she had anything

You said it mate, lots of fakes & scammers online

I think if you go for movies and snuggles be prepared that you need to be really clear that’s all you’re there for.
I’m so new to this. I haven’t got to date 3 yet but we have planned to go for a meal in town.

But we DTD on date 2 so I’m maybe not the best example!

Thanks for the male perspective @NoDatingFor0ldMen .. I was made to feel as if I was being completely irrational!

VenturingOut You are a fine example, don't worry about that!

It is the expectation isn't it, if you are home, & I know he was much less 'handsy' today but still, given his history, I don't think he's going to be wanting to watch movies sitting on other sides of the sofa, is he?!

Crap. He's just told me I'm over-thinking things & I'm wrong.

@NervesOfCotton if you aren’t comfortable going to his house yet then don’t go. You aren’t overthinking and you’re not wrong. The fact that he has been so handsy so far would make me wary too.
FWIW Mr Beard and I were together for 6 hours on date 1. He wasn’t handsy at all and asked me at the end of the date if it was ok if he kissed me. To me that’s gentlemanly, not assuming it is ok to put hands on you.

Thank you VenturingOut I'm really feeling quite confused. I mean, it's his own behaviour which has made me so anxious about this third date isn't it!

(He also said he's only suggesting mine or his for a third date as he's skint, when he's told me at least twice, how much money he's saving now each month, by living in a house share)

And him saying 'Lets just go with the flow & don't overthink' when it's something as important as 'Are you going to respect my right to say No' is just quite upsetting to me.

I don't know, maybe I'm just not ready to be dating. He's just asked if he can call & I told him I'm upset & don't want to talk. Probably not very mature of me but there's been a lot of him in my life & my thoughts the last 3 days & I just need some space.

At least I'm able to get my (muddled!) Thoughts down on here

@Mollymolloy
no not irrational at all, from our POV, that person is a new sexual partner and we have no idea about their past so a clean bill of sexual health is needed