Therapist contacted social service's because my husband was calling me names in front of my children

[1exhaustedmama]

Hi All,

I'm absolutely confused about this. I've been having regular therapy sessions for a while now and I tell my therapist everything.
Over the weekend my husband got angry with me and started calling me names "Cnt" and F Off you C u next Tuesday in front of my 2children (non stop). I told my therapist and he decided that he has to report it to social services.
This has happened previously when I was 6months pregnant. My husband was verbally abusive and threatened to take my then 18month old child away from me, which resulted in me calling the police.
Has anyone had similar situations?

@1exhaustedmama try not to panic OP. Social services will talk to you and figure out what's going on and won't immediately swoop in and take your children.
I'd encourage you to see this as a bit of a wake up call to the type of relationship you're in and potential harm it could cause your children to be around their dad, let alone how it must be for you. Maybe use social services to understand why it's not okay and what you can do to further safeguard and protect yourself and your children? Goodluck.

So your husband is verbally abusive and aggressive and has done this more than I ce in front of your young child. Your therapist did the right thing.
Btw, you acting like your fine while your husband goes nuts will not make your child feel safe or okay. They form long term memories at this age and can sense when something is wrong. They will learn that it's okay to accept this type of behaviour from a partner.

Has your partner ever been violent OP? That you understandably would have told your therapist about?

I've known a family with SS involved and they're still together, bizarrely with a 6 month old now, but the children are so damaged. Im not sure if it's some kind of postcode lottery, but they've had multiple police calls to drunken arguments, then involvement for about two years. (I posted a thread before under a different name, and actually was the one to alert the authorities, but it was seriously the hardest, but probably most important thing I've done in my life) Still together, fighting, and utterly miserable. I

Your therapist absolutely did the right thing. He's thinking.of you, and your children's wellbeing. Please don't ever stop confiding.

Unless there is a massive backstory, your children won't be taken away from what you've said, but they will be severely unhappy. And so will you. So easy to say but you deserve to live in peace and home should be your "nice" place. You don't want to be walking on eggshells. I think you're a lot stronger than you think! What would happen if you said the same to him?

I don't think everyone should discount @Whatwillnye is saying. My neighbour pays privately for therapy, and admitted she drinks a lot every day and takes drugs, nothing ever happened

I'm a therapist and I'd have done the same thing OP. Sorry-you're choosing to stay in a situation where you're putting vulnerable people (ie your children) at risk of harm. We cannot ignore that.

You are an adult and should not be doing what you're doing when you're in charge of vulnerable children.

I am sorry for your situation however and I hope you get away from him and things get better for you. Maybe this was/is the turning point you need.

This is your wake up call. You and your children are victims of domestic abuse and you are normalising it instead of protecting your children.

Good dads do not scream obscenities in front of their children. He's a shit, abusive father and husband. Get out.

Your child will grow up thinking this is normal and will continue the cycle. Your son has a high probability of abusing his wife and your daughter has a high probability of choosing an abusive husband. Please don't do that to your children.

And that’s your call to make is it? It’s not your patient’s call to make? Despite the fact that the patient is paying you for the privilege.
Don’t you think that’s a bit high-handed?

I’m astounded anyone tells you fuckers anything ever if you’re going to rush off and grass them up the first chance you get.

I’m astounded anyone tells you fuckers anything ever if you’re going to rush off and grass them up the first chance you get

'Grass them up'?! @Potiphar ?
Ah you're like that? 'Sorry kids, I know you're being neglected, beaten and sexually abused, don't expect me to intervene I'm no grass'

@HashtagDerekSays There’s a fundamental difference between telling your therapist that you drink and take drugs and telling them about ongoing domestic abuse with children present. One meets the harm threshold and the other one doesn’t.

Essentially yes.
I don’t think it’s the therapist’s business to intervene in upholding the laws of the land. The therapist’s only area of concern should be the patient’s mental well-being.

Presumably you think the same thing should apply to lawyers. If your expensive lawyer thinks you’ve done the crime he should go to the judge and say “yeah she did it. Throw away the key mate.”

@Potiphar You don’t seem to understand the concept of a statutory duty. It isn’t their call to make… they are obligated to report by law. It’s not a judgement call. Any concerns that meet the threshold for significant harm have to be reported. This meets that threshold.

I don't want to engage further with someone that wouldn't help stop children being abused and thinks they have the moral high ground. Hope to hell you don't work with anyone vulnerable.

But @Takoneko who would stop abuse if it makes you a grass?... surely the kids have to understand that's more important than them?
Fucking awful.

My husband is a good dad but he did was unacceptable.

in what was is being verbally aggressive to you in front of them, calling you a cunt, telling you to fuck off, being angry in front of them, being a good dad?

You’re an idiot.

If you tell an expensive lawyer that you killed someone then they are bound by their code of ethics to not represent you in a not guilty plea. They won’t go to the judge and tell her but they also can’t then stand in court and say you didn’t do it. They will advise you to make a guilty plea and if you won’t then they’ll recuse themselves and you’ll need to look for a different expensive lawyer and not be stupid enough to confess your guilt to them.

You’re also spectacularly missing the point. The therapy doesn’t have to report to “uphold the law of the land”. You can tell them that you are stealing, taking drugs, embezzling money or any number of other crimes. You could even tell them about violent crimes and they will not repot that. The line is whether you are telling them about something that suggests that a child or vulnerable adult is suffering or likely to suffer significant ongoing harm. If there is no significant harm to a child or vulnerable person then there is no report even if you confess to all sorts of crimes.

Someone earlier in the thread confirmed that if a patient said something like “I’m going to kill my neighbour” the shrink would report it to the police.

is that true or not?

The first thing ANY professional therapist says is that they are legally obliged to break confidentiality if a child or another person is at risk of harm by what is divulged by a client.

This is so sad. Don’t delude yourself that they don’t pick up on what’s happening. Your husband isn’t a great dad either. Put the kids first and get out.

The law is that any professional who works with families puts safeguarding of children first and reports any concerns. So yes, it is their call to make.

It’s true.

Obviously if a client said “ I was so mad at my neighbour for XYZ I could kill him” is different to discussing an actual plan to kill them.

But yes, if a professional therapist believes an adult or child is at risk by what you divulge, they are obliged to report it.

This is made clear at the beginning of the sessions.

Verbal abuse is abuse. Your therapist has a safeguarding duty of care.

Whilst I understand why therapists have to do this it really isn’t easy for them

as it does breach trust between client and therapist

notwithstanding social services helped me

i was devastated when it happened
bit actually it triggered the ending

also they will refer you to freedom progamme

and what they say about verbal abuse and the kids ? It’s 100% true . And I’m paying that price now unfortunately

good luck op x not easy but might trigger change

I’d say that being murdered meets the threshold for significant harm.

I still don’t understand why anyone tells shrinks anything.
How you’re suppose to be honest about your Electra Complex or whatever in the certain knowledge that if you say the wrong thing the therapist is going to be hurtling towards the phone to turn you on to the rozzers I don’t know.