Therapist contacted social service's because my husband was calling me names in front of my children

[1exhaustedmama]

Hi All,

I'm absolutely confused about this. I've been having regular therapy sessions for a while now and I tell my therapist everything.
Over the weekend my husband got angry with me and started calling me names "Cnt" and F Off you C u next Tuesday in front of my 2children (non stop). I told my therapist and he decided that he has to report it to social services.
This has happened previously when I was 6months pregnant. My husband was verbally abusive and threatened to take my then 18month old child away from me, which resulted in me calling the police.
Has anyone had similar situations?

Well I suppose the idea is that it’s not the priest’s job to report you or assist in your capture. His only job is caring for your immortal soul (which is why all he can do is urge you to go to the cops yourself.)

What about lawyers? Is your lawyer allowed to turn you in if you tell him/her you’re guilty?

Did your therapist ask for your consent to share your children's details?

You realise that you have to consent to a safeguarding referral to social services unless your children are in immediate danger and in which case, it's not a safeguarding to social services its a call to police?

The therapist needs to give you all the information; what their concerns are, why they think it's a good idea to contact to contact social services rather than ie, the children's health visitor etc.

If they do not give you all the information then you cannot give consent because it's based on all the facts.

Many therapists state that if the conversations between you and them maybe private unless children are at risk etc, but they still must abide by safeguarding and GDPR.

It's the same with any professional. They need your informed consent to share your children's information outside of their organization.

So your therapist has taken advantage of their position when you disclosed. I would think about contacting your therapist and ask them where your children's details have been shared to and if this is outside of the organisation which is without your informed consent.

I would consider asking them why they didn't contact the police if they felt your children were in immediate danger. I would ask how much of your private sessions details has been disclosed as you said that you've offloaded a lot of your concerns to the therapist and the therapist may have policies in place that support them handing this over in the event of a serious concern.

I would also not wait for a social working team to ring me, I would take your children to their health visiting drop in and get their height and weight checked by a health professional so that someone in an authority position has checked your children over and can record their findings, telling the health visiting team what has happened.

You do not want to loose your children because you haven't been proactive. If the safeguarding has gone to social care (sometimes it's handled by the safeguarding officer of the therapy team who would contact you) then you need to work with them to ensure the safety and welfare of your children is paramount. This may mean you and your children living separately from your children's father.

Your children's father may now be under investigation and the social working team will need to contact you both to do a thorough check up. They may need to interview your children at school without you or your husband present to check whether your information corroborates with that of your children.

Your therapist made the right call.

You need to talk with this therapist about the feelings you're having now. It's very usual for women who are involved in abusive relationships to believe thst they must keep the situation under their control, to believe they are somehow doing that, and to feel a lot of anxiety when outside parties find out, and act when the abuse becomes known.

Talk about your fears over losing control over the situation.

The social workers' suggestion of couples counseling was completely out of order. I'm sure your therapist is gnashing his teeth and banging his head on his desk over that.

Do not do couple's counseling with this abuser.

This is not correct. Any case that meets the harm threshold must be reported with or without consent.

The therapist has done exactly what they will be required to do by their professional body. A safeguarding report will almost certainly have gone to what in some places is called a MASH, in others the Single Front Door or One Front Door. These are multi-agency teams that include social services, the NHS and police. After a child protection referral like this there would normally be a strategy meeting (or Strat) where all three agencies (and schools if the children are in school) meet and decide whether it will be a single agency (social services) or joint agency (police and social services) case going forward. The therapist has reported to police, as reports that meet the harm threshold will go to a team that includes police.

I can see why you tried to deflect your husbands behaviour and not show your child you were upset or worried but you can’t go on living like this can you? Your children might begin to copy your husband, use the language he uses, think it’s ok to swear and treat women like dirt.
Work with SS, get them to help you make a plan to get out.
And you won’t be depriving a child of its father— you’ll be keeping your children safe from abuse.

At first I told him that I did not consent and that I told him that in confidence. I was so panicked and frightened of what shared and the result of maybe over sharing.
I then just went with it and agreed.
My husband is a good dad but he did was unacceptable.

Your husband is not a good dad.

You need to talk over your fears about losing 'control' of this situation, with your therapist.

He's not a good dad. A good dad would never do that with his child present

There's only one CNT in this situation.
Screaming at some one, calling them names is domestic abuse.
Domestic abuse in front of a child is child abuse

I hope you look back on this and thank God it was reported as it gets you in the right direction. Away from him.
Best of luck to you and the kids ❤️

What fears do you have over losing (the illusion of) control over an abusive situation?

The therapist is in an excellent position thanks to education and training to decide what is abusive.

So is the GP, and the midwife. So is the safeguarding lead in every school.

Sorry, are you saying a therapist/GP/midwife/safeguarding lead is incapable of making a mistake?
There are plenty of people with years of education and training who are absolutely appalling at their jobs.

This post honestly just sounds like ur trying to silence the poster from revealing anymore of her reality. The therapist did the right thing. Which in turn will help the poster with clarity and what to do next. Which to be honest ur post did the exact opposite.

@Potiphar It’s not the job of the therapist to decide what constitutes abuse. What constitutes abuse is laid out in legislation and statutory guidance. Therapists are then required to have an understanding of that statutory framework and they have to be trained in recognising signs of abuse and have a duty to report concerns that meet the harm threshold. Their role isn’t to investigate concerns, but to pass information on.

In the meantime, you can sign on universal credit so you have your own money to live on.

They will help you and guide you back to work. They will advise you on what help they can give with childcare.

You will get money for yourself, the children, and support. You can then claim maintaince to help with the mortgage.

I'm so relieved you have made the decision to leave and stay left from him.

You deserve better, both the children and you.

With hugs xx

Rainbowsandvutterflies is saying the kids will be taken away. This is frightening and honestly don't know what to do next.
This an awful situation!

theres no get to decide,categories of abuse & safeguarding are mandatory training
the therapist has supervision and can seek professional advice. Therapist is part of multidisciplinary team,there is ongoing support guidelines. It’s not a oh shall I say or not, abuse categories & safeguarding will have been covered in therapist initial and CPD training
Reporting isn’t arbitrary or who gets to say construct, it’s obvious in this case it is abuse

Sorry not rainbowandbutterflies but whatny.
Why would anyone make such a statement

@1exhaustedmama rainbow and butterflies is talking nonsense and I hope people who do this professionally will co-oberate.

Your husband is not a good dad. His actions aren’t those of a good dad

Just needed to add to!

I'm afraid what your husband does and did doesn't make him a good dad.

A good dad does not do what he did in front of your children or otherwise.

A good dad also doesn't make their mom scared and walking on egg shells

This just isn't true or accurate.
You consent to a confidentiality policy by accessing the service. This in itself details that we can and will have to share information to avoid harm coming to someone.
The therapist could be found negligent if not reporting potential risk of harm to a child or vulnerable adult with or without the additional consent of the parent for the referral.
If parents do not consent to the referral, all it does is make the social services team aware that they've not consented to the involvement.
If certain thresholds are met (e.g. parents allowing children to live in an abusive environment and not doing anything to prevent that harm) then an appropriate referral to safeguard those children needs to be completed regardless.

GDPR rules are not a barrier to sharing information, where the failure to do so could be impact the safety or wellbeing of a child.

Also, you don't need the child's details to do a referral if parents refuse to give it.

Alarmist & ill judged post that’s all about you being provocative. Why? Do you have issues with statutory services? Are you enacting your own issues upon @1exhaustedmama . Your post is alarmist and you’ve unnecessarily unsettled the op

Social services will not swoop in to remove your kids. You are a protective factor and that will form part of any assessment. I have never known social care remove child where there was a loving parent with the will and capacity to protect them.

With all due respect, that poster appears to have very limited knowledge and understanding of how child protection works and a lot of why they have said is outright wrong.

He wasn't arrested but social services got involved. They suggested couples counselling- he seemed interested but then that interest was lost probably due to work and other things.
I am sorry but this sounds like you are totally pretending to yourself he’s decent. He seemed interested while they were there because he would have lied about anything to get them to think he is a good dad and partner and they don’t need to stay involved. Then they left and he very obviously didn’t bother with counseling because he had never intended to. That’s what happened. There was no ‘lost interest’.