Angry at DH about car

[Mamma13568]

I'm feeling so angry at the moment. We need a car urgently so we've been looking for a few weeks. I also have a few months where I'm going to be a SAHP. I thought with this rare amount of free time I would get my driving license. I've struggled with a manual previously in lessons, I just didnt feel comfortable. We discussed getting an automatic to make it easier for me but we didn't make a decision. I'm not interested in cars so DH has done all the research. There are very few good ones in our budget locally.

DH has just bought a car without me, not even a phone call about it. It's a manual. His rationale was that the automatic has some red flags, we need a car urgently as he has a big journey planned, there are almost no options and he didn't want to miss out on this one. The alternative was to rent a car for a few weeks which would have been expensive but doable.

I'm so upset this decision on which car I'm going to learn on has effectively been made for me.

DH has apologised. It's a beautiful car, similar to the manual I learned on, so if I had to I would learn on this one. But I feel angry looking at it. I really wanted to spend the next few months learning to drive, but I'm worried about spending thousands in lessons and struggling and not getting my license at the end of it. We're not going to get a second car anytime soon. Should I learn automatic anyway in the hope that we sell this car in a year? How do I get over my resentment?

@Raincloudsonasunnyday how much family money does your dh spend on clothes 😂😂😂 I'll be honest if dh comes home and announces he's getting a Tom Ford suit with family money I'd probably plan on being part of that decision yes.

So your DP bought you a car that you don't particularly want to drive, even though you don't even have a license yet and he's going to be the main driver?
Worry about this when you actually have a license.
Automatics are far more expensive and old automatic gearboxes aren't very reliable compared to manuals. You'd be looking at a big extra expense for an auto.
Learn to drive a manual

I understand your fears op. I learned to drive in a manual car and have been driving for many years, I have to drive miles for work, drive minibuses and different cars- but put me in an automatic and I go into total panic and can’t manage 100 meters down a quiet straight road!

When electric (automatic) cars are the only option I will have to find another job and stop driving, even though I live out in the sticks with only one bus a week in our village.

Im 43 now and have been driving for 5 years. I got my provisional at 19 so it took me almost 20 years. In that time I had hundreds of lessons, 4/5 failed tests and huge breaks in between each attempt.
What really helped me was having my own car to practice in and getting the right instructor. I was also having hypnotherapy at the time(unrelated) to help with my overall anxiety, insomnia and depression.
I always say if I can do it anyone can! I had 2 months of weekly lessons with an amazing instructor and drove my own car (supervised) as much as I could and I passed straight away.
Gears just become muscle memory once you practice them enough. I would sit in the drive and just practice going up and down the gears on the drive way until I could do it without having to look down or think about it.
You need a really good instructor who explains things really clearly and puts you at ease.

OP, for what it’s worth, this was my experience. I didn’t learn to drive until I was over 30 and I’ve never been physically well coordinated and when learning felt rather “out of control”. I learn on a manual and always thought it would have been easier on an automatic because then there’s only driving the car safely, watching the road and traffic etc until I felt competent. Eventually I got there and changing gear became automatic ( no pun intended) and no problem.
So if you have the choice learn on the automatic and become confident in handling a car and then you can think about mastering gears, if need be.
Good luck.

I learnt in an Automatic and took the test in one as I found learning the road, signs etc and trying to figure out gears too much to coordinate. I was a liability and knew it.

After 9 years, I was confident in my driving and wanted a challenge so I paid for lessons and took the test again in a manual. I breezed through it as I could fully concentrate on what I was doing with the gears.

It's what works best for you.

Regarding your OH buying a car. As he's the one currently driving it and one was needed desperately then I can see why he did it. Doesn't stop you from learning in an Auto and changing cars at a later date.