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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Gaslighting?

203 replies

ItsJustNotHappening · 18/09/2023 22:17

I’m prepared to accept that I might be losing it but I’ve started noticing recently that stuff that belongs to me personally is disappearing. For example:-

  1. My eczema cream. It’s prescription only and I make sure I know where it is. Particularly at the moment as I’m having a nasty flare up. It’s always in the same place. Now it’s gone. I’ve looked everywhere.
  2. Two boxed candles. Those three wick ones. No longer in the place that they were.
  3. My tweezers. I had three pairs. All gone.
  4. Books that I have bought and not read yet. Gone from the bookcase.

There’s other stuff too but too many trivial items to list here.

There is only me and DH in our house.

There is other weird things too, like things being moved when I know I didn’t leave them there. For example I leave my straighteners on the heat mat on the floor. Always. Last week I came home and they were on my bed.

My H denies it’s him but I have a horrible feeling it’s him doing this stuff.

No one else has a key to this house.

In the past, before we lived together he used to take stuff from my fridge and take it home with him. He used to deny this but it could only have been him. For example I’d buy milk and the next morning it would be gone after he’d left.

Nothing like this has happened for years so I’m unsure as to what is actually going on here.

I feel like I’m going a bit mad to be honest.

H is out tonight and I’ve just noticed some chocolate he bought for me last week has gone. I’ve not eaten it. He is following some faddy diet so he’ll deny taking it. So I’m going to bed before he comes in because I’m feeling really pissed off and unnerved. I’m almost certain it’s him and I can’t be bothered listening to denials.

OP posts:
Joanj · 25/01/2024 02:36

This is an awful coincidence, I have just been reading a Reddit thread by a woman whose things were going missing or being misplaced and it turned out to be her boyfriend who she lived with. Came here and this is the first thread I saw in active. I’m so sorry op and I hope you’re ok.

Loubelou14 · 25/01/2024 07:38

I think you have to stop telling him about things you like and test him with items you don't mind going missing. If it's him playing with you by moving items that are important then you need to stop confiding in him because it's giving him the control. Appear to need something specific, that you can live without, and then see if anything happens. Be quiet and clever. Hide stuff you don't want him to mess with.

Didsomeonesaydogs · 25/01/2024 07:56

Coulditreallybe · 14/10/2023 00:12

@ItsJustNotHappening hope you’re ok

it sounds to me (with the things you mentioned moving/going missing) like he could be bringing a woman into the home when you’re not there

This is where my mind went too.

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