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Original poster

I am going to ask this guy if he's actually sexually attracted to me. Does this sound ok?

376 replies

CandyLollipopw · 15/09/2023 07:47

I've been having sex with this guy for a year now. We've been friends with benefits but I don't know if he's actually sexually attracted to my body type. I see where he follows models on social media. This is why I'd like to ask him if he is sexually attracted to women with my body type. Or if he is only attracted to models and skinny women.

Even if we are only friends with benefits I still think it's important that both people are sexually attracted to each other because it's physical and we see each other naked. And I don't see anything wrong with a woman wanting to know that I man who sees her naked is sexually attracted to her.

I am going to say this to him...

I'd like to talk to you about something but I don't want you to think I'm trying to start drama or that I'm trying to argue. I want clarity about something. (Are you sexually attracted to women who have my type of body? Or are you only attracted to models and skinny women).
^^
Then I'll tell him why I'm asking because I am sexually attracted to him and I enjoy having sex with him. And I want the feelings to be mutual.

OP posts:
Someoneonlyyouknow · 15/09/2023 09:10

CandyLollipopw · 15/09/2023 09:06

He knew I wasn't his ideal perfect type when he saw my pictures on the dating app. And still, he acted as though he was attracted to me.

Maybe because he is attracted to you? Because normal people are not only attracted to one narrow body type and they find lots of different people sexually attractive

Lookingoutside · 15/09/2023 09:11

You don’t sound well at all, OP. Your arrangement with him should make you happy, put a spring in your step and a smile on your face.

Instead you’re here. Stop seeing him if this is what it does to you.

Original poster
CandyLollipopw · 15/09/2023 09:12

Are you saying that two people who have sex are not supposed to be attracted to each other? Because it's just sex that means we don't have to like each other physically? So what would be the point of fwb then?

OP posts:
MrsSchrute · 15/09/2023 09:12

CandyLollipopw · 15/09/2023 08:50

Yeah, I told him anyone would do and he told me he wouldn't have sex with a woman he's not attracted to. Which is clearly bs I even asked him on the dating app if he was attracted to my type and he said yes. But I guess he was just lying and is continuing to do so. That's what I don't get how can a man lie about being attracted to a woman when he's not? And have sex with her for an entire year? Just even more sickening because he still acts like he's interested in sex with me. When clearly he's not.

I said a few things to test him to see if he was interested. I told him I wanted to try a new position and he said we could. And I told him I knew he wasn't used to having sex with a woman like me. And he said he guess he'll have to get used to it. So yeah it's the constant lying that's so insane to me. But he doesn't know that I know what he's looking at on social media. So this is why he lies because he has no idea that I know he's a liar.

I'm going to tell him that maybe he wouldn't be insecure about his performance if he wasn't lying and pretending to be sexually attracted to women.

So you've already asked him, multiple times, but you think he is lying?
So what's the point of asking him again?

AliOlis · 15/09/2023 09:13

CandyLollipopw · 15/09/2023 09:12

Are you saying that two people who have sex are not supposed to be attracted to each other? Because it's just sex that means we don't have to like each other physically? So what would be the point of fwb then?

Edited

Nobody has said anything like this, op. You are becoming less rational with every post.
Are you ok?

Alargeoneplease89 · 15/09/2023 09:13

To be honest you sound like the insecure one. Plenty of men and women fantasise about people that they aren't in a relationship and don't look like that person. Sounds like you want more then FWB

CuttyShark · 15/09/2023 09:13

CandyLollipopw · 15/09/2023 08:05

It's unnecessary for me to want to know if he's physically attracted to me? Why wouldn't I want to know this? He sees me naked it's obvious I'd want him to be attracted to me. It's creepy that he follows half-naked women on social media who look nothing like me. And then turn around and pretend like he's attracted to me. That's disgusting and cruel.

At least I'm being honest with him I've been attracted to him this entire time. I haven't been faking and pretending like he has been. I wouldn't have to ask him this if he'd be honest.

If he was your boyfriend I'd side with you. But this is just bonkers sorry

Lookingoutside · 15/09/2023 09:14

Btw. To answer your question. No, it doesn’t sound ok. Please don’t say that to him.

Original poster
CandyLollipopw · 15/09/2023 09:14

To give him the chance to come clean and be honest.

OP posts:
Deathbyfluffy · 15/09/2023 09:14

Usually people on here moan when someone gives the 'man perspective', but it's Friday, the coffee machine is broken and I'm grumpy - so I don't care.
Here it is! 😅

I have a preference on body type - but it doesn't mean it's the be-all and end-all. Some of my ex-partners weren't that type, and in some cases we 'clicked' better in bed than those that were.
Body type is just one factor of many - before I met my wife I found women outside of my 'top choice' attractive for many reasons; it's not a set boundary that I won't step outside of.

I suspect most men are like this, but I'm not really the kind of person to discuss this with my male peers so I can't give an idea on how many are.

In short: don't ask him, just enjoy it if you two click in bed!

phshield · 15/09/2023 09:16

Someoneonlyyouknow · 15/09/2023 08:59

Gosh I almost feel sorry for men now. Are they not usually looking for the woman they are most attracted to, at that moment? Even if availability adds to the attraction. It sounds desperately lonely and sad otherwise

Show quote history

I haven't read the entire thread but this caught my eye.

I've had a guy tell me that when he was clubbing and "on the pull" he would always "go ugly" as he thought the woman would be grateful that someone wanted to have sex with her.

OP - I'll admit I can be a bit needy with low self-esteem and this is the kind of question I'd ask myself. But please don’t ask him, no good can come of it. Trust me.

MrsSchrute · 15/09/2023 09:16

CandyLollipopw · 15/09/2023 09:14

To give him the chance to come clean and be honest.

You mean to give you the answer you're looking for?

You've already decided the outcome here, you won't be satisfied until he says he isn't attracted to you whether that is how he actually feels or not.

He has answered this question multiple times, you just don't trust him. Walk away op.

monsteramunch · 15/09/2023 09:17

But the issue is he's been lying and pretending to be physically attracted to my type for a year.

You believe this is what he's been doing.

You asked him, he denied it and you don't believe him.

Why on earth are you asking him again rather than just cutting contact with someone you believe is a liar? This is why people have suggested you may have low self esteem. Because you're seeking an answer to a question when you already say you know the answer. That he isn't physically attracted to you and has just been having sex with you anyway.

Stop asking him. Stop shagging him. Stop talking to him.

Move on 🤷🏻‍♀️

Beinpeace · 15/09/2023 09:17

You're being awfully rude with the thread not going how you expected. That happened to me the other day, and I respectfully bowed out.

The projection here towards this guy is so OTT!

Firstly, he probably isn't repulsed by you, and does not need to pander to your need for validation.

So he follows skinny women and a bedroom coach, and has friends with benefits and he's insecure? Honey sounds like he's really doing his theoretical and practical learning to better himself as a sexual partner, and you're a test sample and you know it, but because you're explicitly more attracted to him, than he is you, and probably feeling a bit used now, you've come on here hoping MN womem would jump to validate you and paint this guy out to be the prick HE IS NOT.

BOW OUT OF THIS FWB. YOU'RE DAMAGING YOUR SELF ESTEEM. THIS IS A YOU PROBLEM, NOT A HIM PROBLEM.

Beinpeace · 15/09/2023 09:19

But the issue is he's been lying and pretending to be physically attracted to my type for a year.

Oh dear oh dear! This is a classic example of a conversation you've had with yourself in your own mind. It's really not that deep for him! I almost want to save you myself from all the embarrassment you will feel over this whole situation years from now!

Goodornot · 15/09/2023 09:20

He isn't your boyfriend. He doesn't want to be your boyfriend.

Sorry to be brutal but there's something missing for him or else he'd want you to be his girlfriend. Don't ask. You might not like what you hear.

Original poster
CandyLollipopw · 15/09/2023 09:22

But I asked him on the dating site before we met if he was attracted to my type and he said yes. He lied and I don't get it because there are all different types of women on the dating app. Why didn't he match with one of the women who is his ideal? Instead of matching with a woman he prefers?

OP posts:
CuttyShark · 15/09/2023 09:23

CandyLollipopw · 15/09/2023 08:28

I should have run for the hills when he asked me if I had an orgasm and wanted to know exactly when and if I was lying about it. I should have run for the hills when he told me he's insecure. I should run for the hills knowing he's just settling and having sex with me because he's too insecure to approach the type of woman he's actually physically attracted to. But instead jerks off to them via social media. Yeah ok I should be running too.

Edited

To be honest, he could be having sec with those women. Why do you think he isn't? You're in a FWB arrangement, I doubt he's only having sex with you.

You're not cut out for this OP.

AuntieEsther · 15/09/2023 09:23

Look - if his penis gets hard when he's with you then he's attracted to you. I'm not sure why you're making this such a ridiculous drama.

PansyPolly · 15/09/2023 09:25

He is attracted to you! He’s been shagging you for a year.

I fancy Mark Ruffalo and Benedict Cumberbatch and Karen Gillan and Jenna Coleman. None of these people look anything like each other and my husband looks different from all of them. Guess what? I fancy my husband and love shagging him.

MrsSchrute · 15/09/2023 09:25

CandyLollipopw · 15/09/2023 09:22

But I asked him on the dating site before we met if he was attracted to my type and he said yes. He lied and I don't get it because there are all different types of women on the dating app. Why didn't he match with one of the women who is his ideal? Instead of matching with a woman he prefers?

You don't know that he lied though! You've just decided that he has, and now no answer other than the one you're looking for will satisfy you!

Hatesf1 · 15/09/2023 09:26

What a weird thread. Of course he is sexually attracted to you - he has been repeatedly having sex with you for a year! I’ve a pretty low opinion of men in general but even I don’t subscribe to the theory they would shag anything - maybe on a night out as a one off but not consistently. I also don’t get the comparisons on social media - I lust after Ryan gosling and leonardo Dc doesn’t mean I don’t find my husband sexually attractive!

Dreemhouse · 15/09/2023 09:27

OP no good will come from this. You clearly don’t like him so just end it. I don’t understand what you are getting from this arrangement at all. If you are emotionally invested in him (which it sounds like you are because you are upset that he’s supposedly lied to you - although there’s no real evidence of that here) then a FWB relationship cannot work.

Forget about his self esteem because that’s not your problem. Your self esteem however, is.

Mrsttcno1 · 15/09/2023 09:27

I don’t think you can assume just because he follows certain people on social media that he doesn’t find you attractive?

I’m very happily married to DH, but I don’t ONLY follow people that look like him on Instagram? I follow lots of women influencers etc on there who are attractive, but that doesn’t mean I’m not attracted to my DH! I also follow lots of other men on there, some friends, some colleagues, some influencers etc, that don’t look like my DH, that doesn’t mean I’m not attracted to him though?

Are we only allowed to follow people that look like our partners?

BoaBunsAreLovely · 15/09/2023 09:27

CandyLollipopw · 15/09/2023 09:14

To give him the chance to come clean and be honest.

But he’s a FWB, he’s not committed or exclusive to you & vice versa. Maybe he does like skinny models, maybe he likes a variety of different shaped women. He doesn’t have to come clean about anything.

This is exactly why I’d never have a FWB, because feelings get involved & one always ends up behaving like you unfortunately.

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