Active discussions

Help protect children from gaming harms.

Take our survey

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I am going to ask this guy if he's actually sexually attracted to me. Does this sound ok?

376 replies

CandyLollipopw · 15/09/2023 07:47

I've been having sex with this guy for a year now. We've been friends with benefits but I don't know if he's actually sexually attracted to my body type. I see where he follows models on social media. This is why I'd like to ask him if he is sexually attracted to women with my body type. Or if he is only attracted to models and skinny women.

Even if we are only friends with benefits I still think it's important that both people are sexually attracted to each other because it's physical and we see each other naked. And I don't see anything wrong with a woman wanting to know that I man who sees her naked is sexually attracted to her.

I am going to say this to him...

I'd like to talk to you about something but I don't want you to think I'm trying to start drama or that I'm trying to argue. I want clarity about something. (Are you sexually attracted to women who have my type of body? Or are you only attracted to models and skinny women).
^^
Then I'll tell him why I'm asking because I am sexually attracted to him and I enjoy having sex with him. And I want the feelings to be mutual.

OP posts:
Fullspectrum · 15/09/2023 11:13

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

AliOlis · 15/09/2023 11:13

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

No, this thread isn't hurting anyone but you, op. It's a bit of a car crash, isn't it? What are you getting from it?

Gurthnamuckla · 15/09/2023 11:13

I’ve reported as well on the grounds that the OP is vulnerable and becoming increasingly agitated.

Butterkist8 · 15/09/2023 11:14

Sounds to me like you need more from him than he needs from you.

Being FWB isn't this deep or difficult.

EddieMunson · 15/09/2023 11:15

So, stop having sex with him? Put your energy into finding someone you do believe is into you.

Original poster
CandyLollipopw · 15/09/2023 11:15

You've never heard of Stirling Cooper?

OP posts:
EddieMunson · 15/09/2023 11:15

CandyLollipopw · 15/09/2023 11:15

You've never heard of Stirling Cooper?

The fictional character from Mad Men?

CuttyShark · 15/09/2023 11:16

The thing is op, I understand. I've been there.

With a boyfriend

There were other issues that made me feel unattractive for good reason.

This guy is not your boyfriend.

An FWB/fuck buddy arrangement is not supposed to be like this.

Why are you clinging onto this guy? Leave him. It's a casual thing, he's not obliged to even ding you attractive, such is the nature of fuck buddies.

Original poster
CandyLollipopw · 15/09/2023 11:16

Needing the person you're having sex with to be physically attracted to you is needing too much? Wow ok.

OP posts:
Mrsttcno1 · 15/09/2023 11:18

But from all of the negative things you’ve said about him on here, that he’s insecure, that he’s a liar, that he’s stupid, you’ve even called him pathetic, you are also having sex with someone you don’t like? So I suppose you’re both being silly?

He’s fulfilling his end of a FWB relationship, which is simply having no strings sex with you. You’re the one looking for more by wanting to pick apart sexual attraction. Why does it matter when you’re both just using each other for sex anyway?

Also, I can’t imagine any therapist who would encourage the thinking you’ve displayed on this thread.

EddieMunson · 15/09/2023 11:18

CandyLollipopw · 15/09/2023 11:16

Needing the person you're having sex with to be physically attracted to you is needing too much? Wow ok.

So find someone else to have sex with! Other men exist

Daftmum47 · 15/09/2023 11:18

@CandyLollipopw there is a lot to this situation which we can’t see or know. I do agree with @northernlight20 , I think you sound more vulnerable than you realise. Speak to those IRL who support you and take care x

Mrsttcno1 · 15/09/2023 11:19

CandyLollipopw · 15/09/2023 11:16

Needing the person you're having sex with to be physically attracted to you is needing too much? Wow ok.

Needing anything other than no strings attached sex from a friend with benefits arrangement is too much, yes.

If you want deep in depth conversations about mutual attraction, find yourself a partner.

Beinpeace · 15/09/2023 11:19

Yeah I agree. OP. Mn can be brutal - ly honest! But when you have this many people the same thing, all strangers, you've really got to understand it. It's not like there's something for you to hold onto it. It's not a marriage, you don't share kids, it's merely FWB! That's a nice acronym for using people for sex. You've clearly accepted that hoping it would be more, or maybe over time it's become more, but the more is on your part.

I'm sorry! But women cannot do fwb like men! We're not wired that way, unless we have inner issues, we almost always have emotions come into play and feelings.

I had a friend in your situation, only she fell hard for the guy, and they were living together in a shared house! She was nearly 40 and him 21! She literally became so wrecked over him, chasing him, hounding him, even taking her toy boy to social invitations like they were in a relationship, and he never failed to embarrass her... Well he didn't exactly embarrass her deliberately, he would act like a child (age appropriate) but it wouldn't be a good look next to her. It's a downward spiral. Jump off that train while you can *no pun intended.

MrsSchrute · 15/09/2023 11:19

He sure is a good actor I mentioned how I like coming over and being able to drink coffee and relax. I saw him smiling about that. What an idiot the fact that he pretends to actually like my company is pure insanity.*

Why do you assume he is lying? Have you considered the possibility that he does in fact enjoy your company??

Original poster
CandyLollipopw · 15/09/2023 11:20

You've been there so you know exactly what I'm talking about.

A fuck buddy is supposed to find you attractive. Otherwise, why are you having sex with that person? What does being in a relationship have to do with it? It has nothing to do with whether or not he's my boyfriend he doesn't have to be. But if that's the case he shouldn't be telling me about his insecurities. He shouldn't be telling me how he doesn't like to share because he's insecure that's not what FWB is about.

OP posts:
Nam3chang384 · 15/09/2023 11:20

I'm not sure you can necessary extrapolate that because you don't look like the women he follows on Insta that he is not attracted to you. I think we might have a 'type' but we can be attracted to individuals who don't fit that type. If you hadn't seen the women he follows on Insta would you have any concerns? If not, I would try to move past it.

monsteramunch · 15/09/2023 11:20

Why are you investing so much time and energy in a man you believe is a liar and not attracted to you?

Your self esteem is not at a healthy level if you're continuing to put so much emotional energy into this dynamic by obsessing over his answers to you and pursuing the answer you believe to be true.

If your self esteem was healthy, you'd simply cut contact.

asrh618120 · 15/09/2023 11:21

Sorry but you're really over thinking this. If you are that bothered about it and that adamant to know the answer then you shouldn't be having sex with him. I think the root of the problem here is you have caught feelings and are a tiny bit jealous that he follows other 'model' women on Instagram. To be clear, nothing wrong with that if it is the case but be honest with yourself.

AliOlis · 15/09/2023 11:21

I too have reported this thread. Op is clearly unwell.

EddieMunson · 15/09/2023 11:22

CandyLollipopw · 15/09/2023 11:20

You've been there so you know exactly what I'm talking about.

A fuck buddy is supposed to find you attractive. Otherwise, why are you having sex with that person? What does being in a relationship have to do with it? It has nothing to do with whether or not he's my boyfriend he doesn't have to be. But if that's the case he shouldn't be telling me about his insecurities. He shouldn't be telling me how he doesn't like to share because he's insecure that's not what FWB is about.

Edited

Is there a reason you’re not considering ending things with your FWB?

Mrsttcno1 · 15/09/2023 11:22

A “fuck buddy” by definition is just somebody you are having no strings sex with. They don’t have to be desperately attracted to you, as long as the two of you are having sex that’s as much “attraction” as you can ask for from such a casual arrangement.

If you think he’s overstepping the FWB boundaries by talking about insecurities- just stop seeing him?

I don’t think he’s the only one with these insecurities as you are nit picking apart everything he says.

CuttyShark · 15/09/2023 11:22

Needing anything other than no strings attached sex from a friend with benefits arrangement is too much, yes.

You need to reflect on this OP. he is a man you have sex with. He is not a male partner with any kind of reciprocal emotional connection. He doesn't need to enjoy your company, to find you attractive. It's sex only, and he's probably got at least one other girl on call.

Do not emotionally depend on a fuck buddy to validate you. It's really not a good idea

Daftmum47 · 15/09/2023 11:23

Reported too.

Hollyisalrightactuallysorry · 15/09/2023 11:24

OP WHY DO YOU INISIT HE Is A LIAR?

Everything he has said to you, the sex and the conversations you e had suggest he IS sexually attracted to you?

So are you honestly saying the only reason you think he's lying is because he follows different shaped women on sm?

You've called him sick and insane for doing so but honestly it means nothing

Swipe left for the next trending thread