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Original poster

My boyfriend thinks its unfair I am working part time.

198 replies

AugustChild · 12/09/2023 22:29

We have two daughters. My eldest (11) is to a previous relationship and my youngest (3) is my current partner. I was working around 30 hours a week when we had my mom on hand for childcare however my mom is unable to look after or do any of the school runs at the moment due to be being unwell. I took a bit of a higher job role in my current workplace - it is more money but currently less hours - only 21. I couldn't take the 28 hour contract due to worrying about childcare (mostly in the holidays as my little one is now at nursery each day). For some reason he thinks I continued with 30 hours although I did tell him it was a drop in hours, I cover extra shifts when I can. He has now blown up at me because I'm only contracted to 21 hours whilst he's working 40/50 hours and i explained the only reason i've not been doing extra is because of the childcare situation and needing to be back and forth for the school runs to take and pick up the little one. He says its unfair and that even though I'm doing less hours the house is a s hole. I'll admit the house is a bit messy due to having two kids and I do hate cleaning but i try to keep it clean and tidy. I do all the household chores, (he doesn't touch the household chores when he is off work) I cook his tea his every night, make sure he has clean clothes for work, anything to do with the kids I sort out. I pay the bills with the part time wage I earn and have to end up paying for a lot of food shopping or whatever the kids need. He's been really angry and disrespectful making out as though I do nothing because I'm not working 30 hours. Am i right to be upset? If he spoke to me properly about the situation rather than be disrespectful I'd try harder to cover some shifts/do more housework to pitch in but the way he has been tonight is making me not want to bother at all.

OP posts:
KatyKeene · 12/09/2023 22:35

Ask him to do the school runs and take a pay cut and do the household chores! Lazy man - you’re not his mum he should be doing his own washing and as for household chores he should be helping out. This isn’t 1950! You are not his slave and if he’s not going to change then it’s time to bin him! Honestly
what an entitled man child. You are working and looking after the children -
if he wants a cleaner house and he’s not helping then he better pay for a cleaner! What an absolute idiot - you are not his slave and no you don’t need to be grateful to him - he decided he wanted a family life - do he better step up.

Jadedandlost · 12/09/2023 22:38

So why isn’t he doing the school runs do that you can then do the extra hours?

Insommmmnia · 12/09/2023 22:43

So he wants a housewife and a full time working partner at the same time and with kids that he basically does nothing for?

What a prick

Dotcheck · 12/09/2023 22:49

Do you actually earn less now?

Has he ever given childcare a second thought?

Is he aware of how much childcare costs?
Would he be happy if you went full time and split childcare costs?
Although really, he sounds like an ass.

frozendaisy · 12/09/2023 22:51

You easily work 40/50 hours only that it's not salary.

What is wrong with these fucking men?

Take a full time job and split everything else 50/50 or at least fully propose that as an option.

50/50 pick up, drop offs, sick days, housework, bills, school holidays. He wants equality then give it to him OP with all the bells and whistles, car insurance, school forms, homework, dentist, putting out bins, food shopping, packed lunches, school uniform buying, hair appointments.

Whataretheodds · 12/09/2023 22:51

What a charmer. What do you get out of this relationship? He has a full time cook and nanny.
Who's name is the house in? Rent or mortgage? - who pays?

Namerequired · 12/09/2023 22:52

Why are you doing all that. Let him do the school runs dinner and chores and then you are free to work more hours.
Why does he want it? Are you struggling badly for money? How does he suggest it all works? Honestly he just sounds awful

Itsjeremycorbynsfault · 12/09/2023 22:53

I wouldn't be doing any of that

I'd he doesn't like the mess he can clean it and make his own tea afterwards

FindingMeno · 12/09/2023 22:54

He is a tosser.

Huwipulotu · 12/09/2023 22:55

What is wrong with these fucking men?

agree totally

OP you boyfriend is a lazy, entitled prick who doesn’t deserve you. I really don’t understand what benefit he brings to your life if he treats you (and as a consequence your kids) like this.

he’s a shit partner, a shit dad and you will have a shit future if you stay with him.

Seaoftroubles · 12/09/2023 22:56

Of course you are right to feel upset, he is being completely unreasonable. I suggest you stop doing his washing and cooking as you are not his mother, and agree to do extra hours if he goes 50/50 with you on the school runs and household chores. Oh and of course he will have to share childcare in the holidays as well. I notice he's your boyfriend and not your husband, is the property yours or jointly owned?

IDontLoveTheWayYouLie · 12/09/2023 22:59

He can start doing more around the house and looking after his kids so you can work more then can't he? Oh wait, of course he won't.

And stop doing everything for him.

MrJollyLivesNextDoor · 12/09/2023 23:00

Stop doing his stuff - washing cooking etc

You're too busy

I hope you are financially protected seeing as you are not married and have a child together?

gemloving · 12/09/2023 23:02

What a prick! Have you considered divorce? I know this sounds very Mumsnetty of me but how can he not realise that it's tough looking after two kids and you're doing so well? He's lucky to have you to cook him dinner, wash his clothes, look after the kids, do all the household chores + you work part time. What is wrong with this man?

FiddleLeaf · 12/09/2023 23:03

I cook his tea his every night, make sure he has clean clothes for work, anything to do with the kids I sort out.

Is your boyfriend a child? I’d be single forever over this hell.

Hehx3 · 12/09/2023 23:12

Yep agree with others. I would rather be on my own than have a man child

caringcarer · 12/09/2023 23:49

Go back to work full time, get child care and make him pay half, and do half the running around to drop off and pick up and half jobs around the house. Tell him that's fair if he'd prefer it.

Brightandshining · 13/09/2023 00:37

What a twat.
You are working the sane hours as him if you are also collecting and caring for the kids and doing basic housework...
My house is a hole too... I'm only contracted 20 hours altho I do more most weeks.. but my husband would never act like he has some grievance!
I'd LOVE to work more but someone has to collect the kids from school and be there with them.
It's a privilege to get to work without worrying about childcare or housework
He's an idiot

alwayscrashinginthesamecar1 · 13/09/2023 00:39

What on earth? You deserve better.

Newnamehiwhodis · 13/09/2023 00:39

Oh wow, I’d never cook another thing for that horrible man again. Let him get his own damned tea.

Commonhousewitch · 13/09/2023 00:48

caringcarer · 12/09/2023 23:49

Go back to work full time, get child care and make him pay half, and do half the running around to drop off and pick up and half jobs around the house. Tell him that's fair if he'd prefer it.

To be fair he might want you to do this or may want the option of working part-time himself- you need to agree something together

LucifersPain · 13/09/2023 01:21

You need to be frank with him, your time looking after the household and children is just as much work and just as valuable to the family as your time being sat behind a desk for example.

This is why couples should work together as a single unit and pool all incomes etc.

If you were sat around every afternoon having coffee with mates he would be in the right, but I suspect this is not the case at all.

Ponderingwindow · 13/09/2023 01:27

Why isn’t he doing half the school runs? Why doesn’t he cover child care outside of school hours? What about sick days and doctors appointments?

he isn’t technically responsible for your oldest, but he shares half the responsibility for your shared child. For you to work, he has to do his child care shifts. It’s his job to figure out how to balance work and parenting. That burden doesn’t solely belong to you.

Pinkbonbon · 13/09/2023 02:43

What do you mean you pay all the bills?
...?

I don't understand. He should be paying half of everything. More tbh if you do all the housework and childcare as that is your extra contribution (as well as half your pay).

If he isn't paying for anything, he shouldn't be living with you. He's a Cocklodger.

DeeCeeCherry · 13/09/2023 02:52

I do all the household chores, (he doesn't touch the household chores when he is off work) I cook his tea his every night, make sure he has clean clothes for work, anything to do with the kids I sort out. I pay the bills with the part time wage I earn and have to end up paying for a lot of food shopping or whatever the kids need

The consequences of being an enabler. As you see, being a martyr for a lazy entitled man gets you nowhere. He won't change, all you can really do is decide to put up with it or not.

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