OLD guy has said we’re not sexually compatible

[Feelinghumiliated]

I’m feeling very raw today, see username (created for this thread, I am a longtime MN poster)

I’ve done OLD on and off for a few years since divorce and had some fun times as well as a couple of longer term boyfriends from it.

I had a couple of dates with a guy from an app and met him for a third date for an evening drink on Saturday. We really clicked, there was loads of chemistry and we decided to have dinner too. I was happy to go back to his apartment to sleep with him, we were both a bit merry but happy to proceed. We had what I thought was quite a hot, exciting time in bed together but annoyingly I came on during sex and so inevitably there was some blood on the sheets afterwards, I didn’t realise what had happened until afterwards. Of course I apologised but he went into the bathroom to remove condom. We both fell asleep soon afterwards. All seemed ok in the morning, he made coffee and we chatted and cuddled up in bed but he had to get going for lunch with his family. I thought we left on a nice note, nice kiss and “see you soon”. He messaged shortly after I left saying that it had been great to see me, I had that lovely warm feeling for the rest of the afternoon.

This is the humiliating bit, I messaged him last night to say that I had really enjoyed being with him and when could we get together again for a date. He got back to me this morning with a total shit sandwich, “you’re a wonderful woman, so interesting and warm BUT (here goes) the blood was a turn off and I also didn’t like the way you touched my hair during sex, I am not a baby. I’m happy to see you again as a friend but not as a date.”

I was totally gutted. I have never had a response like that from a man I’ve had sex with, it actually made me feel sick. I wrote back and apologised and explained and even reassured him that I don’t have any STIs (ss to him some recent sexual health check results), he responded by saying - don’t worry about it, we’re just not compatible in bed.

WTF? How do I get past this? It’s blindsided me.

He's a total w⚓️, and clearly has no respect, regard or idea on how women's bodies work. You're better off out of it. And, this a refection on him, not you.

He sounds rubbish, imagine if youd fancied trying some blood letting and hair pulling? He'd have gone to shit!

@NeonSoda

He had a boundary (or two), and you crossed them. He then said that he didn't want to meet you again because of his boundaries being crossed.

You think OP 'crossed a boundary' of his by unexpectedly starting her period when they happened to be having sex?

Jesus.

The hair thing rings a bell 🤔
I did it to my ex dp during sex and he said "I'm not a puppy"
I was rather taken aback, but I found out later he hated all intimacy and even didn't want to share a bed with me after sex. Very odd, and I think you are well rid of him 💐

Some men will enjoy hair touching, some won't. There's a way to broach It though, that doesn't end up with hurt feelings. It is an intimate, fond, loving gesture, especially once you've both finished, and some blokes aren't wired that way, I suppose. Clearly just out to get his leg over, with no real thought that there's another participant. Screening is so important with OLD.

He's not worth your anguish and furth thoughts. Such a baby over natural bodily excretions.... a real man wouldn't care I promise you ('tis what vanish is for )

To my understanding he was a paedophile/hebephile.

I'm not sure, I'm a woman and I don't want my wife's period blood on me and she doesn't want mine. I think it's perfectly OK to have your preferences, but it is his reaction I don't like other something natural that she could not control that is alarming.

Sorry, everyone.

My mum has entered the chat.

I haven't read the whole thread so apologies if this has already been mentioned...

to me the fact he messaged you straight after you left to say he had a great time is the biggest head fuck /mixed message, and makes his ridiculous period shaming/hair touching (what a weirdo!!!!) message even worse, seen as he initially led you to believe everything was fine/just like it had been. Argh I'm annoyed on your behalf, what a complete loser.

Yes women get periods, but you dont have to show it off or have sex during it, and its important to keep clean.

She started bleeding unexpectedly. It's hard enough to know exactly when you will, let alone if you have irregular cycles.

How the fuck was she showing it off or intentionally having sex during it??

Have you actually read this thread?

And why are you lecturing about keeping clean .... I think we can safely assume op washed when she discovered the "blood" and he/they changed the sheets. What are you on about?

Your Mum is Mary Whitehouse?

Actually I think Mary Whitehouse would probably have been less blamey, lecturey and matron-y than that poster.

Men moaning on about females daring to be female and human and not a plastic doll - while making use of your body to get themselves off (and usually not get you off - too selfish) .... And I've experienced it with a guy like this when I accidentally left a wrapped up used sanitary towel on a little shelf in the bathroom of my apartment.... Just make me think "oh do STFU, and fk right off".

He sounds utterly crap in bed. The cheek of him protesting he's not a baby while throwing a tantrum about you getting your period. Vile. Why would he think you'd want to be friends with him?

God i really wish you hadn't justified yourself.

What a pathetic shit head.

😂😂😂 Actually I thought it was mine…

I love this 😂I'm not a petty person either but this is too funny.

OP i hope this gives you a bit of a giggle. My 52 year old single friend is currently single and was on a dating site
One of the blokes she was talking to wanted to meet and started trying to tell her about his time in the Forces. Real James Bond type stuff like he thought he was in some Judith Krantz novel.

Not realising that she spent seven years in the military he started describing places he said he had been to that she has ACTUALLY been to and she knew he was lying He was well pissed off when she sent him pictures of her standing beside a helicopter and inside a Hercules.

"I have never had a response like that from a man I’ve had sex with"

Focus on that. No one else had a problem with your sex yet. You won't be compatible with everyone so don't worry about it.

Also I wouldn't want to date someone who was squeamish over such a natural thing for a woman as a period. Makes me think of boys at school "eww gross!" What are you meant to do not have sex for the week before you are due and a few days after just to be certain his delicate sensibilities are not upset. You dodged a bullet with him honestly. I expect most women have experienced getting their period in sex or don't care and knowingly have done it. If he's not experienced that he's not had a serious long term partner perhaps? (Because he's still a teenager in attitude?) 🤷‍♀️

I'm sorry but some of the messages on here have really made me laugh. Solidarity to OP

If he can't handle a bit of blood during sex every now and then he's not going to have much luck having a long term sexual relationship with a human woman

Probably why it sounds like he's a separated or divorced father.

I know a friend of a friend whose h wouldn't touch her sexually for months and months after being at the birth of their child - he couldn't get past it.

Traumatic, life threatening, painful experience for the mother, damaging her body to grow and birth his child; and he rejects her sexually for months on top of it.

She said their sex life and relationship was fucked (no pun intended) since it.

She said she was biding her time til kids grew up a bit to leave him.

There's a huge irony is the fact that humans who consider themselves so intelligent & capable (like most men do) can't process the fact that penises only go into vaginas - biologically speaking - to create babies who then come out of vaginas.

But no let's separate the two, pornify it and women's bodies.

The irony of tits being all over the main tabloid newspapers but breast feeding to be so poorly normalised & tolerated in the UKnis not dissimilar.

"You are sex object, don't ever disallusion me about that " should be the slogan.

Brilliant story 😂

Thanks for the solidarity, fellow MNetters. I’m feeling much better this evening.