Page 11 | OLD guy has said we’re not sexually compatible

Feelinghumiliated · 2023-09-11T11:17:59+00:00

I’m feeling very raw today, see username (created for this thread, I am a longtime MN poster) I’ve done OLD on and off for a few years since divorce and had some fun times as well as a couple of longer term boyfriends from it. I had a couple of dates with a guy from an app and met him for a third date for an evening drink on Saturday. We really clicked, there was loads of chemistry and we decided to have dinner too. I was happy to go back to his apartment to sleep with him, we were both a bit merry but happy to proceed. We had what I thought was quite a hot, exciting time in bed together but annoyingly I came on during sex and so inevitably there was some blood on the sheets afterwards, I didn’t realise what had happened until afterwards. Of course I apologised but he went into the bathroom to remove condom. We both fell asleep soon afterwards. All seemed ok in the morning, he made coffee and we chatted and cuddled up in bed but he had to get going for lunch with his family. I thought we left on a nice note, nice kiss and “see you soon”. He messaged shortly after I left saying that it had been great to see me, I had that lovely warm feeling for the rest of the afternoon. This is the humiliating bit, I messaged him last night to say that I had really enjoyed being with him and when could we get together again for a date. He got back to me this morning with a total shit sandwich, “you’re a wonderful woman, so interesting and warm BUT (here goes) the blood was a turn off and I also didn’t like the way you touched my hair during sex, I am not a baby. I’m happy to see you again as a friend but not as a date.” I was totally gutted. I have never had a response like that from a man I’ve had sex with, it actually made me feel sick. I wrote back and apologised and explained and even reassured him that I don’t have any STIs (ss to him some recent sexual health check results), he responded by saying - don’t worry about it, we’re just not compatible in bed. WTF? How do I get past this? It’s blindsided me.

millymog11 · 11/09/2023 15:33

Now I am thinking about it, a man who complains that they feel like they are being treated like a baby if a woman touches their hair during sex sounds like they have seriously confused "Mummy issues" to be frank. And if that isn't a turn off I don't know what is.

Original poster

Feelinghumiliated · 11/09/2023 15:34

DirtyDuchess · 11/09/2023 15:01

I'm going to leave this here for you OP and hopefully it will make you feel like the powerful woman you are and show you that he's acted like a teenage boy.

Thank you

OP posts:

bluecalendula · 11/09/2023 15:38

The very first time I had sex with my then boyfriend (he was an officer in the army, it was in the barracks!) I bled all over his sheets. He didn't care AT ALL and we both went to the laundry room to wash them together before going for brunch. I was kind of mortified, but also knew that if it had weirded him out, it was his problem and the relationship would have ended...

Anyway he turned out to be the love of my life and 15 years later we're married with DC's :)

So all I can say is, thank GOD you came on and he got to show you what a massive arse he is before you wasted a SECOND more time on him!

Oh and I met DH on online dating too, don't blame the format, blame the guy. Keep dating, keep your standards high, you'll find a goodun, they're out there promise, you might have to kiss a few frogs first but keep going xx

thatsnotmywean · 11/09/2023 15:39

TBH most women know when they are likely to have their period and avoid having sex around that time. Did you have sanitary products with you? Did you sleep in the blood stained sheets or were they changed? Did he have to change them once you'd left? Did you put your sanitary products in a nappy sack or similar or leave them in an open bin for him to see and/or empty himself? These are all things that justify the ick to be honest. Yes women get periods, but you dont have to show it off or have sex during it, and its important to keep clean.

mainbrochus · 11/09/2023 15:40

mate if you didn't come then he really is risible. Don't change what you are doing because of him ! He is 100% lying knobhead.

The hair touching comment is also suspect, why say that?

Conclusion - It's NOT you it's him x 2.

Muu · 11/09/2023 15:41

Pretty cheeky to send you a negging message when he didn’t even make you come. What a waste of time.

Better luck next time op.

Insommmmnia · 11/09/2023 15:43

@thatsnotmywean before my coil my periods were anywhere from 4 weeks to 12+ weeks

I certainly wasn't "unclean" or "showing off" if I inadvertently had sex and came on during it

Original poster

Feelinghumiliated · 11/09/2023 15:43

thatsnotmywean · 11/09/2023 15:39

TBH most women know when they are likely to have their period and avoid having sex around that time. Did you have sanitary products with you? Did you sleep in the blood stained sheets or were they changed? Did he have to change them once you'd left? Did you put your sanitary products in a nappy sack or similar or leave them in an open bin for him to see and/or empty himself? These are all things that justify the ick to be honest. Yes women get periods, but you dont have to show it off or have sex during it, and its important to keep clean.

What the hell? Not even gonna answer your questions

OP posts:

Cotonsugar · 11/09/2023 15:44

Passmeaplacard · 11/09/2023 12:24

He’s done you a favour here showing how immature he is so early on. You’ve done nothing wrong his reaction says far more about him that you

This absolutely

speakout · 11/09/2023 15:44

DirtyDuchess I love that! Thanks for posting.

MissBridgetJones · 11/09/2023 15:45

Is he a grown man? You swerved a bullet there lovely! Total tosser!

RainyDuvetDay · 11/09/2023 15:45

I think you've dodged a bullet with this one! Based on what you've said it seems like he would have found some excuse not to pursue a relationship with you no matter what had happened.

Easier said than done but don't take it to heart, he sounds like a prick. 💐

PansyPolly · 11/09/2023 15:46

thatsnotmywean · 11/09/2023 15:39

TBH most women know when they are likely to have their period and avoid having sex around that time. Did you have sanitary products with you? Did you sleep in the blood stained sheets or were they changed? Did he have to change them once you'd left? Did you put your sanitary products in a nappy sack or similar or leave them in an open bin for him to see and/or empty himself? These are all things that justify the ick to be honest. Yes women get periods, but you dont have to show it off or have sex during it, and its important to keep clean.

WOW!!!!

Really?

Many women have irregular cycles. Many women carry towels or tampons in their bags at all times. Why on earth would you think she had thrown away her sanitary product without wrapping it up? What the heck??

thatsnotmywean · 11/09/2023 15:46

You just did sweetheart 🙄

millymog11 · 11/09/2023 15:47

thatsnotmywean · Today 15:39

If you are having casual sex with someone who is effectively a stranger and promises you nothing more than that moment/that evening, then you really cannot criticise them for what their body naturally does.

Presumably you agree with the partner of OP and you would feel the same way. Let me ask you something. You are willing to take the "risk" of and are "brave enough" to having sex with complete strangers who you have only just met.

Are you brave enough to say to the girl you have met every single time it becomes apparent that you might have sex, before you get undressed or get into bed "By the way, are you on your period?"
No?

But you are willing to get completely naked with this total stranger and put parts of your body inside parts of her body. But asking that question before the event is a step too far and asking too much?

bombastix · 11/09/2023 15:48

thatsnotmywean · 11/09/2023 15:39

TBH most women know when they are likely to have their period and avoid having sex around that time. Did you have sanitary products with you? Did you sleep in the blood stained sheets or were they changed? Did he have to change them once you'd left? Did you put your sanitary products in a nappy sack or similar or leave them in an open bin for him to see and/or empty himself? These are all things that justify the ick to be honest. Yes women get periods, but you dont have to show it off or have sex during it, and its important to keep clean.

Wow. How are you on keeping menstruating women in some sort of hut for the duration to avoid these issues?

ManateeFair · 11/09/2023 15:50

Feelinghumiliated · 11/09/2023 14:57

Exactly. I couldn’t help it. It wasn’t a deliberate move or a “kink”. I wasn’t demanding he do something weird. Imagine if I had farted!!! (Which has often happened but never been a problem)

Show quote history

Haha, I imagine even the tiniest farting incident would have made him dive under the bed while shaking and staring blankly into the middle distance, like a shell-shocked soldier reliving the horrors of trench warfare during the First World War.

MissBridgetJones · 11/09/2023 15:53

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

bombastix · 11/09/2023 15:54

Oh well OP, at least you know he's a twat. Move on.

Toomanyanimalz · 11/09/2023 15:54

thatsnotmywean · 11/09/2023 15:39

TBH most women know when they are likely to have their period and avoid having sex around that time. Did you have sanitary products with you? Did you sleep in the blood stained sheets or were they changed? Did he have to change them once you'd left? Did you put your sanitary products in a nappy sack or similar or leave them in an open bin for him to see and/or empty himself? These are all things that justify the ick to be honest. Yes women get periods, but you dont have to show it off or have sex during it, and its important to keep clean.

Show it off??? WTAF is wrong with you?

Redwineislife · 11/09/2023 15:54

Oh dear, what a silly comment.

ManateeFair · 11/09/2023 15:55

thatsnotmywean · 11/09/2023 15:39

TBH most women know when they are likely to have their period and avoid having sex around that time. Did you have sanitary products with you? Did you sleep in the blood stained sheets or were they changed? Did he have to change them once you'd left? Did you put your sanitary products in a nappy sack or similar or leave them in an open bin for him to see and/or empty himself? These are all things that justify the ick to be honest. Yes women get periods, but you dont have to show it off or have sex during it, and its important to keep clean.

All right, John Ruskin, calm down

KnobbingtonKnobberson · 11/09/2023 15:55

Apparently, the Victorian art critic John Ruskin nearly fainted clean away in horror when he discovered his bride had actual pubes rather than a smooth as marble undercarriage.

KnobbingtonKnobberson · 11/09/2023 15:56

ha ha

x posted with you @ManateeFair

DGConsultant · 11/09/2023 15:57

@Feelinghumiliated hair touching and pulling during sex is erotic, the dude is weird. Commenting on the blood simply shows the guy has no class and is just crass. Who on Earth would have the temerity to say something like that to a woman. Surely you'd say something like, "oh right, are you okay to continue", or "No worries, lets wait until next time", or just not mention at all and be greatful you're getting on and having a good time. Doing It over text is remarkably cowerdly too. People have no respect for one another anymore. I hate OLD, even from a bloke's perspective, It is sad, pointless, and unsatisfying, even forgetting about all of the leg work both genders have to put in.