OLD guy has said we’re not sexually compatible

[Feelinghumiliated]

I’m feeling very raw today, see username (created for this thread, I am a longtime MN poster)

I’ve done OLD on and off for a few years since divorce and had some fun times as well as a couple of longer term boyfriends from it.

I had a couple of dates with a guy from an app and met him for a third date for an evening drink on Saturday. We really clicked, there was loads of chemistry and we decided to have dinner too. I was happy to go back to his apartment to sleep with him, we were both a bit merry but happy to proceed. We had what I thought was quite a hot, exciting time in bed together but annoyingly I came on during sex and so inevitably there was some blood on the sheets afterwards, I didn’t realise what had happened until afterwards. Of course I apologised but he went into the bathroom to remove condom. We both fell asleep soon afterwards. All seemed ok in the morning, he made coffee and we chatted and cuddled up in bed but he had to get going for lunch with his family. I thought we left on a nice note, nice kiss and “see you soon”. He messaged shortly after I left saying that it had been great to see me, I had that lovely warm feeling for the rest of the afternoon.

This is the humiliating bit, I messaged him last night to say that I had really enjoyed being with him and when could we get together again for a date. He got back to me this morning with a total shit sandwich, “you’re a wonderful woman, so interesting and warm BUT (here goes) the blood was a turn off and I also didn’t like the way you touched my hair during sex, I am not a baby. I’m happy to see you again as a friend but not as a date.”

I was totally gutted. I have never had a response like that from a man I’ve had sex with, it actually made me feel sick. I wrote back and apologised and explained and even reassured him that I don’t have any STIs (ss to him some recent sexual health check results), he responded by saying - don’t worry about it, we’re just not compatible in bed.

WTF? How do I get past this? It’s blindsided me.

@NeonSoda

Genuine question for you.
If you were going to have casual sex with a woman you had just met, and you both got undressed and the woman looked at you and said

• your penis is too small for me
• your testicles are too small for me
• your penis or testicles are a funny shape in my opinion
• I don't like the colour of your pubic hair; or you have too much or too little pubic hair
• (after sex) you didn't ejaculate enough for my liking

presumably, a bit like bleeding (which the woman is not in control of, and has only just met you so it would be weird to say to a complete stranger you had only recently met "warning, there is a x% risk I might bleed, if you want to cancel the contract feel free to do so now caller"

Would you be offended if a woman backed out of having sex with you for the above reasons (and told you so) before you had sex? Or even after you had had sex (and told you that specific thing was the reason)?

I'm going to leave this here for you OP and hopefully it will make you feel like the powerful woman you are and show you that he's acted like a teenage boy.

He did. One of my mates who is really into the whole OLD thing has come across similar a whole bunch of times now.

Reading stuff like this completely puts me off OLD - and tbh, talking to men on OLD sites is enough to put me off OLD. There must be a way of meeting men (or women) who aren't the sexual weirdos that proliferate OLD. I can't bring myself to flirt with someone I've never seen IRL so there's that as well. How did people meet in the good old days before t'internet? I met my ex husband at a party but at my age (late 40s) there aren't that many of those any more!

It sounds as though he's decided on reflection that he's not that in to you (if he was just looking for sex he'd've saw you again, eh, for round two).
Some people get the ick from the slightest of/most ridiculous things when dating, maybe this guy just thinks honesty (albeit brutal honesty!) is the best policy 🤷‍♀️

He's not a baby OP........he's just very immature.

He’s nothing but a childish knobber op. I’m willing to bet you are way out of his league and the only reason you let him anywhere near you is because you’re feeling a bit vulnerable. You don’t need to feel embarrassed because you did nothing wrong. He on the other hand should be feeling mortified at his pathetic negging and ‘eww blood’ performance. There’s something far better than this out there for you op.

It's not you, it's him.

How old is he? 18?
Sounds really weird.

He thinks women can control their periods. He sounds like he has issues or an unrealistic view of relationships. Sounds like you're nice and better of without him.

He is an insensitive twit. Please don't give this another thought. There was no need for this personal stuff. But please stop having sex with men you have just met. It's seldom a good idea and you leave yourself open to this type of thing. Not worth it.

"It sounds as though he's decided on reflection that he's not that in to you"

Thank goodness for that. The only lesson here is for women to work out that they are dealing with knb heads like this guy and other guys on this thread/all over online dating - before the event and say before the event "you won't enjoy it, I've suddenly remembered I am bleeding".*
**
He can go away without the jollies having come to the conclusion he was not that into you (hallelujah) and you have escaped a throughly unpleasant and disrespectful person. Win-win.

The hair thing... I'd be tempted to reply that, yes, it's just as well to end things now, because you really can't imagine being with a man who didn't want to risk getting his hair mussed during sex. Seriously though, not being 'allowed' to touch his hair? Because it makes him feel like a child? I'd find that extremely odd and off-putting. That actually is a compatibility issue (unlike his inability to understand and accept female biology, which is just pathetic).

Was it definitely a period not cervical erosion?

Frankly if he likes it rough that will be an occupational hazard.

At the end of the day he’s just on there for a shag. If OP’s not she needs better quality control. Telling a man you’re not looking for something casual means diddly squat.

I've never did online dating, but yes I can imagine there are a lot of duds participating! I can see why the whole thing might make someone cynical/sensitive to rejection.

'Oh thank fuck you said it, saved me a job. I'm very sorry but I prefer someone experienced enough to communicate what they like in bed 'in the moment' rather than later on!'

Ugh. What a twat.

I'm on my period and had sex last night :S I always warn my husband but he says it doesn't bother him, not sure why it would bother someone that much and my husband always acts like I'm wierd for thinking he would dislike it and the hair thing... depends what kinda thing but I can't imagine anyone would be bothered by hair touching

Pretty normal.

He's weird.

Exactly what horseyhorsey17 · Today 15:05

said.

Well, he’s right, you aren’t compatible. You’re too bloody good for him!

I know it’s upsetting to be told something like that, but honestly you are better off knowing what he’s like early on.

Don’t give the twat another thought.

"Telling a man you’re not looking for something casual means diddly squat."

Yep.
This is basically every man in online dating (and a vast majority of men you meet some other way than online dating).

Bit odd but each to their own!

Would never be on for a serious relationship with a guy who was easily squeamish though anyway- need someone to be on board with picking up dog poo, dealing with child mess etc or whatever family life throws at you as an equal partner, not passing all the unpleasant jobs to you.

It is not you. He's a idiot.

Also he could just be someone who is like, thank you, next, after sex anyway and the blood/hair thing is just an excuse.