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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

He punched me in the face, I dialled 999

245 replies

OkTrinny · 08/09/2023 22:57

He suddenly went into his mood and flipped. I went upstairs with the children. He followed me up after 5mins even though he just said he wants to be left alone. I told him to go downstairs he refused and told me to fuck off. I told him I've had enough of everything, I had enough of his bullshit treatment towards me, he kept saying stfu, or I'll punch you in the mouth. I just snapped and said you dare and I'll call the police. He kept saying stfu as I was speaking then smacked/punched my mouth.i began crying and dialled 999, I could hear the lady saying hello but I never spoke. She could hear me crying. I cut the call. I never thought I'd call them CZ I've just been too afraid of aftermath. Its been happening for 6 years, I've put up with his crap and something just made me dial 999, physically and mentally I'm shitting down I cant take the crap

What will happen next ? got 3 private calls since i dialling it. But havnt picked up

OP posts:

oakleaffy · 09/09/2023 09:28

Pizfufffff · 09/09/2023 09:07

Hi, just my take on your post. My mum didn't leave a violent man, they were together from the time I was 9 until 16 at which point I left home and moved into a hostel. It really tainted my upbringing, the constant tension in the house, wondering when he is going to kick off again. Sometimes I would sit in my room and feel so claustrophobic I felt like I couldn't breathe. My mum was in all other aspects an amazing loving mum. She thought she was shielding me from most of it, but kids have a way of sensing and seeing far more than you think. When I was 11 I made a "business plan" to sell all my things to be able to hire my mum a bodygaurd.I still think about it to this day and I'm 30.

You might not think it but the effect it has on your kids is much bigger than you think. You are strong. You can do this. When you feel weak or unable to leave or when you find yourself justifying staying by reasoning that he's not "that bad" think about your kids writing this post in 15 years, giving advice to strangers on the internet based on their own experience of abuse in the home.

My mum finally left, it was difficult, just as it may be for you but everything passes and it is the best thing she has ever done for herself. Good luck!

That is so poignant, so desperately sad.
An innocent child trying to protect their mum ..I feel genuinely tearful at this.

Hope you are ok now Pizfuffff

My friend who went back to her violent partner- I saw him shove and push her little DC- When he thought I couldn't see. {He was a stepdad}

It's one thing for a woman to choose to stay with a violent abuser- but to inflict him on her innocent children is really unforgivable.

Get out , for the children's sakes.

FlatWhiteExtraHot · 09/09/2023 09:30

It would probably help @OkTrinny greatly if people could stop suggesting she’s a shit mother.

I’ve not been in this situation but a close friend was, and believe me ALL she thought about was her children. She thought about the consequences of taking them away from their much loved father, disrupting their education, the fact she would have to let him see them and she wouldn’t be there to protect them, and the distress of them having to see their father get arrested.

I would imagine most mothers who are being domestically abused think of nothing but their children, and shaming them because they don’t do what you think they should is the lowest of the low.

Mummyoflittledragon · 09/09/2023 09:32

canyoufeedthedog · 09/09/2023 00:49

Can I just say I'm bloody on side of females getting out of abusive males
I'm just not okay with posting on here, saying you phoned the Police and didn't have any response.
The police do everything they can to respond to domestic abuse.
I know this because I worked in emergency response.
It's absolutely unfair if the complaint doesn't want to carry on with the allegation

Op hasn’t said she didn’t have a response. Working in emergency response is different from being the victim of abuse. This is a person’s life rather than their job.

Kellogg1 · 09/09/2023 09:55

Take pictures of any injury and call the police again. They might have recording of your first call and he/you crying might be audible.

He should be arrested and taken into custody. You will give a statement and he will be interviewed and probably released on bail with conditions not to return to the address or contact you. If he does you call the police again and he gets arrested for breaching his bail. He will get kept in for court the next day if this happens usually.

You can work with a solicitor to get a restraining order through court for when the bail conditions are no longer in place. If he breaches this he can be arrested again.

I can’t say what will happen to him as it depends on evidence and interview and cps. But once you start this process you can work towards keeping him away from you legally and any child contact for him can be arranged through social services and the court.

Dighi · 09/09/2023 10:01

I am desperately sad for you @OkTrinny . I was in an abusive situation (parent not partner) and it takes away all your power, you feel you have no ability to change anything. You’ve taken the first step Trinny, take more as soon as you can. Ring the police back. I never send kisses or hugs on mumsnet, but I’m sending them to you. You’ve done something big here.

Hotflushesinthesunfun · 09/09/2023 10:04

OP if you don’t want to phone again you can do police live chat online. You need a bit of safe time as sometimes there’s a queue.

You can write what you want to say out in notes or similar then copy it so you can just hit paste when they ask you how they can help. Then you have your thoughts together and can calmly give the facts rather than in a rush.

If you choose to do this make sure to say you phoned 999 from your number last night.

Isometimeswonder · 09/09/2023 10:04

OP, you need to be scared of the future if you DON'T ring.
He will get worse and you or the kids will be badly hurt or killed.
You are brave.... please ring the police.

Yoyo2021 · 09/09/2023 10:16

My gosh, my love, your post just made me cry. A plan to sell your things for a bodyguard x

Jibo · 09/09/2023 10:16

Friend of mine's DC dialled 999 without speaking (toddler twins) and the first she knew of it was when the police turned up on her doorstep. So they may come anyway. Be brave OP, you can do this.

Comtesse · 09/09/2023 10:37

no one but no one should hit anyone in the face - OP you do not deserve this

willWillSmithsmith · 09/09/2023 11:16

OkTrinny · 08/09/2023 23:22

I cant do it I just cannot say it, the future scares me so much

Yours and your children’s futures are far more scary with this brute than without him. Do it for your children if not for yourself. 💐

dressedforcomfort · 09/09/2023 13:08

He won't change.

You deserve better. Your kids deserve better. PLEASE call 999 back again.

BananaSlug · 09/09/2023 13:24

My daughter called 999 by mistake and they didn't even call back never mind turn up (thankfully) so it's not true they will always show up

LondonQueen · 09/09/2023 13:32

I'm surprised they didn't send someone out to your location if you were clearly in distress on the call. I called them many years ago as I thought a situation was becoming out of hand and they sent a police officer out for a safe and well check.

RandomForest · 09/09/2023 13:53

He needs stopping, he should not be allowed to get away with punching you in the face without consequenses.

This is all part of the abuse making you keep quiet about the violence, please open up and tell the authorities.

Call them back, you are entitled to live your life free from violence.

The police will probably not turn up if your address is not flagged up as an abusive envioroment, if it happens again and you report him for this incident then if you call 999 in future the police will attend even if you do not speak.

Please don't cover for him, call them back.

How are you now, are you in pain, do you need to visit the A and E ?

jeaux90 · 09/09/2023 13:56

Sweetheart no one deserves this abusive treatment.

Please take photos of your injuries so that when you do find the courage to call the police you have the evidence.

Do you have anyone IRL you can talk to?

XMissPlacedX · 09/09/2023 14:09

Omg op, please pick up the phone. It may be hard at first but you and your kids will be so much happier once free of him. Please 🙏

Redglitter · 09/09/2023 14:46

LondonQueen · 09/09/2023 13:32

Its been explained by several people upthread why it's not just as simple as that

Short version - if she called from a mobile they have no idea where she is

Original poster

OkTrinny · 09/09/2023 19:35

Could hear oh pottering downstairs he went to the gym.I got ds ready for Saturday morning class, got lo dressed, I got dressed too. As I went to put my shoes on, I just thought I need to get the passports. Went to the drawer and got the passports and left the house at 9. Went to see younger sibling and I just told her everything it all came out like vomit. She was upset I never said anything. Later I went to see my older sister and she asked if I was ok? I said I'm tired. She asked again and it all came out of my mouth, I told her it's been going on for years, I'm just tired of. She was overwhelmed by my revelation.

OP posts:

Original poster

OkTrinny · 09/09/2023 19:49

At 10 oh messaged to say stay at your siblings because I'm busy in my house. I havnt replied. I haven't been home since I left at 9am. I haven't opened his message. I dont have anything with me for the children.

OP posts:

egowise · 09/09/2023 19:52

OkTrinny · 09/09/2023 19:49

Belongings can be replaced. Don't worry about that for now.

Well done for speaking to your siblings. That's a great step forward. I hope it's helping you feel a little relief.

BCBird · 09/09/2023 19:53

Sending you good wishes OP. This must be incredibly hard for you. You and your children deserve peace.

ARealFake · 09/09/2023 19:58

OkTrinny · 09/09/2023 19:49

Oh darling, I've been thinking of you all day after reading this thread last night. You've made the first step in telling your family, I hope and pray you get the help you need to leave this vile bastard. Please keep posting you have all of us rooting for you I hope you can feel that x

ReadingSoManyThreads · 09/09/2023 20:18

So glad to read your update that you've confided in your sisters. That's a big step, so well done. You've turned a corner now and if I were you (I've been in your situation before), I wouldn't go back now. Not unless you are accompanied by another adult or two, without the children to collect essential belongings only. But really, your things can be replaced. I really hope your sisters are able to support you through this.

Please know that men like this never change, they never stop and the violence only ever escalates. I stayed with mine believing him when he kept telling me he'd stop but it didn't, it only ever got worse and worse. Once I'd made that decision to leave, I followed through. I hope you do too, you deserve so much more x

Original poster

OkTrinny · 09/09/2023 20:35

@ARealFake I feel so loved and cared for like I matter. Like I'm one of your daughters.

Thank you all

OP posts:

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