I’ve only just seen this thread but I’m so pleased to see in your update that you’ve confided in your sisters. Making it ‘real’ is half of he battle and takes away the power that secrecy gives him.
If you have any injuries or any communication from him that admits to what happened please do keep it as evidence. Even if you don’t feel strong enough right now, you may want to report it at a later date. The logged calls will help to show that you did try and get help at the time too, and you won’t be the only person that has not felt able to call again.
When my XP kicked off (literally) at my house and refused to leave, I threatened him with calling 999. He still wouldn’t go, and was behaving in an intimidating way so I called them, told them what had happened and they sent someone to my house, by which time he’d left. They went to his house and handcuffed him, took him in for questioning, but decided not to charge him (although later on two officers that came to see me were surprised at that, as he’d admitted it by text)
They gave me access to victim support and informed Children’s services and my children’s school (although i had also told the school the next day in case one of the DC mentioned it). I did feel a bit regretful that I’d opened this can of worms tbh - I was working as a childminder at the time and it also had an impact there (Ofsted called and asked why I hadn’t told them, even though it was late at night so no mindees were present, and I then had to tell all the parents of children I looked after, most of whom were also my DCs’ friends).
it was humiliating being a part of all this drama and of course the ex made me feel it was all my fault for ‘over reacting’ but I was scared and upset and he had been warned several times.
We ended up getting back together (I know, I know) and he changed, he was still an arsehole sometimes, but not like that. Until about 6 years later, when he did the exact same thing again. And that time I knew it was the end.
I gave him the benefit of the doubt. It was stupid. He will always be an aggressive man child who can’t control his temper (he was like it at work as well, so I know people will say “he managed to control it with other people” but he really didn’t!)
OP, my story isn’t much of an inspiration, but life goes on, and while I miss the good times, I don’t miss the walking on eggshells so I don’t set him off, or being called nasty names or crazy etc for having valid emotions.
Life is too short to accept being treated shabbily by someone who should love you. And your DCs deserve good role models so that they can have healthy relationships themselves, which was really the driving force for me ending it. It wasn’t for me, it broke my fucking heart, it was for them, so they wouldn’t end up like me, or worse still, like him.