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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

He punched me in the face, I dialled 999

245 replies

OkTrinny · 08/09/2023 22:57

He suddenly went into his mood and flipped. I went upstairs with the children. He followed me up after 5mins even though he just said he wants to be left alone. I told him to go downstairs he refused and told me to fuck off. I told him I've had enough of everything, I had enough of his bullshit treatment towards me, he kept saying stfu, or I'll punch you in the mouth. I just snapped and said you dare and I'll call the police. He kept saying stfu as I was speaking then smacked/punched my mouth.i began crying and dialled 999, I could hear the lady saying hello but I never spoke. She could hear me crying. I cut the call. I never thought I'd call them CZ I've just been too afraid of aftermath. Its been happening for 6 years, I've put up with his crap and something just made me dial 999, physically and mentally I'm shitting down I cant take the crap

What will happen next ? got 3 private calls since i dialling it. But havnt picked up

OP posts:
canyoufeedthedog · 09/09/2023 00:43

rubydoobydoo · 09/09/2023 00:40

Police call handler for nearly 10 years here.
If we have a 999 call and the person hangs up we try to call them back first. We can see the rough area it's coming from - sometimes it's more accurate than others.

Sometimes it's obvious it's a pocket dial and if they don't answer when called back we'd just leave a voicemail and it would go no further.

If there are any sounds of disturbance or distress we would send officers to the general area where the call is coming from, and in the meantime we would do checks with the phone provider and hope it's a contract phone so we can see who has called - if it is and the address is in the area where the call has come from then the officers would go straight there.

If it isn't in the area then we would still go to the address the phone is registered to for a safe and well check on the caller.

Absolutely. What I was trying to say upthead.

KittyKingdom · 09/09/2023 00:44

rubydoobydoo · 09/09/2023 00:40

Police call handler for nearly 10 years here.
If we have a 999 call and the person hangs up we try to call them back first. We can see the rough area it's coming from - sometimes it's more accurate than others.

Sometimes it's obvious it's a pocket dial and if they don't answer when called back we'd just leave a voicemail and it would go no further.

If there are any sounds of disturbance or distress we would send officers to the general area where the call is coming from, and in the meantime we would do checks with the phone provider and hope it's a contract phone so we can see who has called - if it is and the address is in the area where the call has come from then the officers would go straight there.

If it isn't in the area then we would still go to the address the phone is registered to for a safe and well check on the caller.

Thank you that’s so good to know and thank you for what you do to help us all.

Redglitter · 09/09/2023 00:45

PieFaceAndLovingIt · 09/09/2023 00:39

Dial 999 on a mobile ,then press 55.This will be transferred to a police operator. Cough, tap the phone, whisper "help me" or continue to press 55.They will ask you yes/no questions to find out how to get to out and stay on the line until the police arrive. This only works on a mobile.
If you phone 999 from a landline, but don't speak, then hang up, the operator will keep the line open for approx 1 minute in case they can hear anything of concern.
You don't deserve to live like this, please, please tell the police your address. This is how I got out x

Constantly pressing 55 stops the call taker from speaking or getting answers. Pressing 55 so the operator knows you need help is ideal but you need to then let the call taker know where you are

It actually works far better on a landline number because as soon as a landline is connected to 999 it gives the name & address the phone is linked to.

canyoufeedthedog · 09/09/2023 00:49

Can I just say I'm bloody on side of females getting out of abusive males
I'm just not okay with posting on here, saying you phoned the Police and didn't have any response.
The police do everything they can to respond to domestic abuse.
I know this because I worked in emergency response.
It's absolutely unfair if the complaint doesn't want to carry on with the allegation

Lolalady · 09/09/2023 00:52

OKTrinny, my love you must be brave and get out of this NOW, the longer you stay with this pathetic excuse for a man the worse the damage to your children. There is help there - be brave and take that first step - you can do this

Kedece2410 · 09/09/2023 00:56

I'm just not okay with posting on here, saying you phoned the Police and didn't have any rrespone

Where did the OP say she had no response. She says herself she hung up before speaking & was getting calls from a private number - presumably the police calling back

Mumtobabyhavoc · 09/09/2023 00:57

https://www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk/

canyoufeedthedog · 09/09/2023 00:58

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rubydoobydoo · 09/09/2023 00:58

Redglitter · 09/09/2023 00:45

Constantly pressing 55 stops the call taker from speaking or getting answers. Pressing 55 so the operator knows you need help is ideal but you need to then let the call taker know where you are

It actually works far better on a landline number because as soon as a landline is connected to 999 it gives the name & address the phone is linked to.

Show quote history

Yep this!
When you first get through on 999 you go through to the BT operator who asks if you need police, ambulance or fire. If you say ambulance or fire you get put through to them. If you don't, or say you need more than one - you automatically get the police.
If you've pressed 55 then all the BT operator would say when passing the call through is "55 detected" which would make us think twice about it being just a pocket dial and make a concerted effort to contact and/or locate you!

JFDIYOLO · 09/09/2023 00:58

OP, are you there?

I hope you've been able to do what everyone is asking you to do, for your own sake and your children's sake.

If you haven't, please pick up your landline and call 999 and tell them something like:

"Please help
My husband has punched me in the face tonight
I'm terrified of him
He has abused me for a long time
He's in the house now and the children are terrified and vulnerable too
Address
Please help us"

It takes one small step

Think about the rest later

Namechangeforadvicepleaseandthankyou · 09/09/2023 00:59

OP I’m going to bed now . I wanted to check in one more time . Goodnight xx
strangers are thinking of you and your children… that tells you a lot x

bongopow · 09/09/2023 01:02

OP you do not deserve any of this. Please call back and tell them what happened. You really can do this.

canyoufeedthedog · 09/09/2023 01:03

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rubydoobydoo · 09/09/2023 01:04

Really hoping OP is with the police now as there was enough on her call for them to know she needed help and she's not on pay as you go!

fabmaccawhackythumbsaloft · 09/09/2023 01:08

She is t gonna come back with you being a dick now is she .

Op I'm a cop in the uk

Ignore the dick head here

When you dial 999 and hang up the number is logged in the system and that's why you are getting repeat call backs , that's the control room checking you're ok or not

If you don't answer subscribers checks are done to trace you

Just call them back and speak to them , they need to know you're ok first and foremost

The rest can be dealt with when you're ready. Ok? Not scary . Just call them back

Let them help you and the kids

PieFaceAndLovingIt · 09/09/2023 01:10

canyoufeedthedog

I hope OP can see you for what you are.
She is brave and seeking support from strangers -taking this step is indescribably difficult and terrifying, coming from a place of terror.
You have nothing to offer -go away

Youarethemasterofyourdestiny · 09/09/2023 01:13

OkTrinny · 08/09/2023 23:59

This

Show quote history

Hi @OkTrinny

Firstly I hope you are ok & I am so sorry to hear this has happened & has been happening for quite some time.

I am happy to share what happened when this was me there is a chance it can help you at all.

When my ex was first arrested, 4 years in, they took him away, interviewed him and kept him overnight. He was released on bail with conditions not to contact or approach me. He went to live with his parents. He pled guilty and was convicted of abusive & threatening behaviour.

We split but no it didn't end there. It could of if I had of took the action I then did after 2 more years of abusel. On his 2nd arrest & 6 years in he was arrested again,.kept overnight, and then bailed again with conditions not to approach me. He pled guilty again & was convicted for a 2nd time of abusive & threatening behaviour. This time though I asked the police how I could put a stop to it. They told me to get a lawyer. I did exactly that. I was entitled to legal aid because of domestic abuse and a judge granted an indefinite injunction where he has numerous conditions he has to abide to. On top of this the CPS also put a non harassment order in place.

It brought an end to the worst of it and allowed me to move on with my life. Of course it has not been an easy journey and i suffered with ptsd but I am 7 years down the line now, our daughter now 11 and I don't see him and very rarely speak him. Me and my daughter have a nice little life together, I now have a career helping other people who went through the same as me and I had therapy to understand and overcome all he put me through. My daughter, family & friends got me through it all. I will forever be grateful for the advice the police gave me, they saved me that night.

Like you, I kept it hidden for way to long. if you feel able to, please confide in someone you trust who won't judge and will support you. Please speak with domestic abuse charities. Your life doesn't have to be this way, there is a better life waiting for you. 🥰

canyoufeedthedog · 09/09/2023 01:14

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canyoufeedthedog · 09/09/2023 01:18

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fabmaccawhackythumbsaloft · 09/09/2023 01:19

canyoufeedthedog · 09/09/2023 00:06

Okay.
If you have said that he's being abusive, hit you.
The Police will take him out of the home/ immediate area.
They will then ask you what has happened. Ask you your experience.
He will be taken to custody and not attested. It will be seen as splitting you up to get both of your situations.
If the Police believe that their is abuse they can then arrest or let the person go.

Mate i have no idea what or who you are or claim to be but I am a police officer and you are talking shite so do every woman whose a victim of DV a favour and fuck off .

bongopow · 09/09/2023 01:20

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Even if there was only a 1% chance she's telling the truth is it not worth giving support? It costs nothing. If it's fake no harm done. If it's real then OP being able to get support here to feel strong enough to reach out is potentially life saving.

Also even if it's not real, other people reading the thread will be going through similar things and having similar feelings and so the information on here will help them too.

VitoCorleoneOfMNMafia · 09/09/2023 01:21

If you can get out somewhere safe, say with friends or family, then grab passports and purse and toothbrushes and go with your kids.

Then when you get there, you call 999 and tell the call handler that he's hit you. When you talk to the police, you tell them as part of your statement that you called at whenever o'clockish from insert phone number here and dropped the call because he was in the room and you were terrified. They will have your first call attempt logged.

But you must leave now, because tonight he learned that he can hit you without consequences and the violence will now escalate.

VitoCorleoneOfMNMafia · 09/09/2023 01:23

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Women come on here with DV all the time. You are talking total shite.

CherryMaDeara · 09/09/2023 01:26

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Oh do go away. The police will always advise a DV victim to call whenever she needs to or wants to.

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