He punched me in the face, I dialled 999

[OkTrinny]

He suddenly went into his mood and flipped. I went upstairs with the children. He followed me up after 5mins even though he just said he wants to be left alone. I told him to go downstairs he refused and told me to fuck off. I told him I've had enough of everything, I had enough of his bullshit treatment towards me, he kept saying stfu, or I'll punch you in the mouth. I just snapped and said you dare and I'll call the police. He kept saying stfu as I was speaking then smacked/punched my mouth.i began crying and dialled 999, I could hear the lady saying hello but I never spoke. She could hear me crying. I cut the call. I never thought I'd call them CZ I've just been too afraid of aftermath. Its been happening for 6 years, I've put up with his crap and something just made me dial 999, physically and mentally I'm shitting down I cant take the crap

What will happen next ? got 3 private calls since i dialling it. But havnt picked up

When I first read this thread I couldn't really see the point of it. A call to the police and then not following it through. Why not. But I suppose it must be a step in the dark. Who knows what's next.

Well, he now knows OP won't follow through with her threat so carte bkance to do what he likes to her in his own mind no doubt. Those poor kids.

What I meant was a step in the dark for OP if she reports it. If she doesn't it will be more if the same. Horrible.

Women are often terrified of what will happen by calling 999.

It seems so final, so real.

I hope OP finds courage to leave.

Even if as one poster suggested that this is a hoax post, there will be other women who are looking to escape toxic relationships.

Violence always escalates.

Have seen it with a very close friend- She escaped, then heartbreakingly went back to her abuser years later. {Why-? Who knows. She said ''I love him''..But she didn't love her self enough.

No online presence at all. Just hope she is ok.

If you stay with him he will hit you again, that is almost a guarantee. Please get out for yourself and the kids. It's hard to leave but you'll be fine eventually. After a few hard years, you'll realise you can breathe more easily. xx

As a Healthcare Professional; please leave this relationship so you and your children can heal and move on sooner rather than later.

If you stay, the narrative doesn't change for you. He will get more and more violent towards you as he pushes those boundaries each time, and he will towards your children too, and all of you will lose years of life to fear, mental health issues and whole host of other trauma caused issues, that will take even more years to navigate and grow through! That's if you haven't all already thrown the towel in and ended up bitter, angry, aggressive or beat down to the point of existing and not living.

PLEASE CALL AND LEAVE. YES THE SYSTEM CAN BE GRIM, BUT TRUST ME! LIVING THIS NIGHTMARE WILL RESULT IN FAR WORSE!

I PROMISE YOU, ONCE YOURE OUT, WITH SOME WILL AND MIGHT, YOU CAN REBUILD A BETTER LIFE FOR YOURSELF AND YOUR CHILDREN! STAYING SHOULD NOT BE AN OPTION. DO NOT DOUBT THAT YOUR SAFETY AND THE SAFETY OF YOUR KIDS IS AT RISK! I HAVE SEEN IT ALL! IT ALWAYS STARTS OUT THIS WAY AND ENDS IN TRAGEDY ONE WAY OR THE OTHER IF YOU DO NOT LEAVE.

YOU WERE BRAVE TO CALL 999. YOU TOOK THE FIRST STEP TO ACKNOWLEDGING THIS IS NOT WHAT YOU CHOOSE FOR YOURSELF OR YOUR KIDS. USE WHAT ENERGY AND MIGHT YOU HAVE LEFT AND GET OUT BEFORE YOU GET STUCK. YOU CAN DO THIS. KEEPING YOU AND YOUR KIDS IN MY PRAYERS. YOU GOT THIS. WE'RE ALL ROOTING FOR YOU HERE ON MN ❤️

@OkTrinny , you just want it all to go away , don’t you? Have a normal family life, a partner who’s just normal, can be a bit boring really as long as you all jog along. But it’s not going to be like that. He’s not going to suddenly change and your children will grow up witnessing his abuse. Suffering from his abuse til they don’t know what normal is. If you have sons they will likely model their father’s behaviour— they think that’s what being a man is. Your daughters are learning to put up with verbal and physical abuse. The cycle will continue.

You only have to call the police once, say you need help, you need him removed. Say he’s hit you.
The police will get help for you in the form of local domestic violence charities who are there to help you.
Telling someone what has been going on for probably years is hard but once you’ve said it once it becomes easier. And the relief is amazing. You know it’s not you, nothing you’ve done ( no matter what he says!) The feeling of safety is so good.
One phone call will start it all off. And you and your children will be safe.

You are a mother and a role model. This isn't just about you. Raise the bar.

When I did they removed him from my home and only let him leave with an alternative place to go. He had to call his dad to get him from the police station.

If you’re not ready to leave yet, please contact your local IDVA to make a plan. They will talk you through the safest way to do this.
I understand your fear xx

The first 999 call is such a mixed bag
Guilt, which I can't even explain. Fear, of the future, the future without them, how they will react etc... but you need to do it again. Speak this time. Doesn't need a full conversation, just ask for police to your address, say you need help.
He will be taken away, bailed with restrictions so he can't contact you. He might try to, you'll need to report that.
Police will take a statement from you. Don't leave anything out. They've heard it all before.
They'll ask your permission to refer you to dv services. You can also refer yourself. National Centre for domestic violence can get you in touch with a solicitor for an injunction. This carries more weight than bail conditions, where he'd get a slap on the wrist for contact. An injunction means immediate arrest, trial resulting in fine or jail.
Eventually, if you go through with the whole process, he'd go to court. If he pleads guilty you don't give evidence, you don't need to attend. If he doesn't, you would need to but you do not have to be near him. You can give evidence via video link where you wouldn't be able to see him. You can also have a chaperone through the court or a dv worker.

In the meantime, you'd need to learn life without him. The feeling of walking on eggshells takes a while to pass but it does. Counselling can help, again through a dv service- they work wonders.
I felt it helped to have a routine, it made it easier to get through one hour at a time. Now I feel free. A feeling I'd been missing for 17 years.

You've a long way to get to here. The first step is the hardest, ring 999 ❤

You need to get out of this relationship now ! When it’s gets to physical violence it’s over.

Visit her. Just call in.
Make sure she has contacts outside the home.

This happened to me, trust me, they will find out where you live and come round

The time I did pick up to them, they told me to go down to the local police station to show that I was okay because
they heard me shouting and crying

do you have given him zero consequences, so he will just do this again and next time he could knock you out. Report him

If nothing changes, nothing changes.

i hope you are ok op. Please report it today. Do you have visible bruises? Even without you must still report it.

Please call Women's Aid even if you're scared of calling the police.
https://www.womensaid.org.uk/information-support/

@OkTrinny
he will be arrested-then either bailed to return at a later date or charged but either way he will go to court . He will definitely receive bail conditions not to contact her directly or indirectly until the court hearing
he will still be able to see the kids
The police will put out a Merlin report and social services will contact you because they would want to do an assessment . You can either accept or refuse.
in the court hearing, you will be asked whether you want a restraining order. If this is his first offence, it’s likely he will get away with a probation order and an order to complete BBR, which is a building better relationships course at the probation office and a fine
I work with the above services. Also went through it myself

Were you having a bad night? This comment was completely unnecessary and unkind. As an emergency call handler, you are the point of first contact for a person in distress. Worrying.

@BiscuitsandPuffin
I agree. I just want to swoop in and help the OP.
In reality I know it can't possibly be done but in an ideal world. In an ideal world it wouldn't be needed.

I was her, 16 years ago.
I got out with help from some excellent friends. I'd like to pay that forward.

Make the call back. I was like you except I put up with it for 13 years. Then one day, over something trivial, I decided I'd had enough. My ex, on that day, wasn't even abusive. He just said something that made me think 'do I want to put up with this rubbish for more years'. I called my sister, who suspected something was going on, admitted what had been happening, moved in with her for a few months. From there I rented my own flat and eventually bought a small flat. I still hadn't divorced my ex by then and (I hate to admit it) even contemplated getting back together (I know, I know). Then, one day, I was thinking what a lovely, peaceful day it was and realised that it was peaceful because he wasn't there. I wasn't listening for the key in the latch trying to work out his mood and adapt mine to suit. I used to jump up from the sofa if he came in, in case he thought I was being lazy (that always started a row).

A few years later I met my now DH, we married and had our child. I still go to jump up from the sofa when DH comes in even though we've been together over 20 years. The difference? DH just says 'sit down, enjoy your film. I'll bring you a cup of tea' - like a normal human being.

Make the call and make the plan to get away. It's your chance. It won't get better. He knows how to control you now.

Hi, just my take on your post. My mum didn't leave a violent man, they were together from the time I was 9 until 16 at which point I left home and moved into a hostel. It really tainted my upbringing, the constant tension in the house, wondering when he is going to kick off again. Sometimes I would sit in my room and feel so claustrophobic I felt like I couldn't breathe. My mum was in all other aspects an amazing loving mum. She thought she was shielding me from most of it, but kids have a way of sensing and seeing far more than you think. When I was 11 I made a "business plan" to sell all my things to be able to hire my mum a bodygaurd.I still think about it to this day and I'm 30.

You might not think it but the effect it has on your kids is much bigger than you think. You are strong. You can do this. When you feel weak or unable to leave or when you find yourself justifying staying by reasoning that he's not "that bad" think about your kids writing this post in 15 years, giving advice to strangers on the internet based on their own experience of abuse in the home.

My mum finally left, it was difficult, just as it may be for you but everything passes and it is the best thing she has ever done for herself. Good luck!

I hope you called the police OP. ❤️

The first time my ex husband hit me I didn't report it. It ended with me in hospital having been almost beaten to death and social services wanting to take my DS away. I soon came to my senses after that OP. Injunction, divorce, keeping my DS safe. Our life was infinitely better without him.

If you can't think of yourself think about your children.
Please phone back it will only get worse.